Y did i do it!,I am such a loser!

[Amano Ginji]

Before i start..I guess its going to be tough understanding wat i have typed..But i am in a big big mess!

 

I have done something i wuld never imagine doing.I have cheated on my gf big time!.There is no excuse for it.

 

Well here goes the long story.I am happy with my gf,i go back to my country for christmas holidays.Finally its 31st n m going to da most awaited party in our city.

 

I meet my sisters friend.lets just call her "X" .We dance together all nite.On our way back home,We cuddle n kiss.She calls me da next day.We go clubbing again.Next thing we no,we r in my car,all over each other in da back seat,n wat happens next,i dunt i need to write it over here.

 

Well now i am back to japan!.N back to my gf..the one i really love.She doesnt have a clue about this.On the other hand, "X" has been texting me,calling me,emailing me,even after i had already told her its nothing but a one nite stand..n that i really love my gf.

 

I dunt like hurting people.I just told "X" i cant handle this n i am not a player.Looks like she is hurt.But wat da hell m i spose to do.THis is one hell of a sittuation?I had told "X" its going to end soon,n not to wait for me.She doesnt seem to have understood this.She is hurt,Wat do i do?](*,)

[annie24]

YIKES!!!! What did you do that for????

 

Well, if I were you, I would just block all of this girl's e-mails and texts and phone calls. Delete everything. If I were you, I wouldn't tell your gf about your indiscretion. She will be very hurt, and you seem like you feel bad about what happened.

 

Don't accept any more contact from the other girl. Block her.

 

good luck

[chai714]

I'm with Annie on this one.

 

You did a bad deed, learned from it, don't do it ever again.

 

Change your number if you have to.

[Dannysgirl]

Amano, if you love your girlfriend as you say you do why were you dancing with another girl all night in the first place, and why did you let it go further?

That would suggest to me that there might be problems in your relationship by the fact that this event even took place. Is everything okay in your relationship with your girlfriend?

[dcfc_fan]

I agree with everyone that suggested you should block "X" from contacting you. How did "X" get all of your contact info in the first place? Was it from your sister or did you know each other well previously?

 

As Danny's Girl pointed out, there seems to be more to the story. Is everything ok with your girlfriend? It seems hard to believe that you'd have that encounter if everything were OK.

[heavensent]

I think you're a total jerk! If you truly loved your girlfriend you would never have even DANCED or CUDDLED with another female. Period. You need to tell your girlfriend the truth, she deserves to know. Hopefully she will give you what you deserve and break up with you. No one deserves to be cheated on.

[Dannysgirl]

I totally understand Heavensent's sentiments and agree to some degree. I wouldn't go so far as to call you a jerk because I don't know you but I really don't know how you can profess to love your girlfriend when you danced and cuddled with another girl and seemingly thought nothing of it until you came home and X started getting all fatal attraction on you.

 

You need to think about what led you to cheat on the girl you 'love' in the first place. I love my husband and it would never EVER enter my head to dance or cuddle with anybody else and if I even THOUGHT of doing either of those things then I would know there was something VERY wrong in my marriage.

 

Maybe a relationship is not what you want at this point in time? Maybe you want to go out and sleep with other girls and 'sow your wild oats' so to speak? If that is the case you can't have your cake and eat it to you have to choose. How would you feel if your girlfriend had betrayed YOU in this way?

 

If I was in your shoes I would be telling my girlfriend because I would want the relationship to continue on the basis of TRUTH and not lies and cheating plus I wouldn't be able to deal with the guilt.

If this truly was just a stupid mistake that will not be repeated and there are no other issues in your relationship to be addressed then I would not tell her because it will break her heart but if you feel this might happen again then I would be honest and tell her and let her decide on the future if she thinks you have one.

 

I just find it very difficult to accept your claim that you love your girlfriend if this happened. People who love each other DO NOT CHEAT its that simple - so do you REALLY love her?

[lovecrazy]

Ok I agree if you love her you shouldnt have made out with antoher girl!

 

But as far as the dancing goes, its not a crime to dance with someone else.

 

Also, if you love your girlfriend as much as you say you do. Then tell her!

 

And tell "X" that its over, and that you guys can be friends, but there will be little contact.

 

Good Luck!

[ShySoul]

Amano,

 

Hey. First thing is to realize that you are not a loser and not a jerk. I've read many of your posts and you a good guy. You have been very sweet and romantic to this girl in the past. You are a gentleman, not a jerk. You made a mistake, and you should feel bad about it. But don't beat yourself up about it. The fact that you feel so bad and guilty shows that you care about her and are a good person at heart. If you really were a loser, you wouldn't care that you cheated and would think nothing of it. But you do care and that makes you a winner and good person.

 

With this other girl, let her know clearly that you love someone else, that what happened was a mistake, and that you can't have anything with her. If she keeps trying to contact you and doesn't get the message, block her.

 

I'll disagree with everyone else on telling your girlfriend. A relationship needs honesty and trust if it is going to survive. You already broke that trust to some degree in cheating. Do you want to break it even more by not telling her about it and coming clean? I've seen relationships grow sour because one person kept something they did from the other. What if somehow she finds out? What if the other girl tries to reach you and somehow gets a hold of your girlfriend? Your girlfriend would still be upset over what happened, and she would probably be more upset by the fact that you hid it from here. Don't you want your relationship to be based upon open and honest communication, especially about important issues like this? And what if roles were reversed and she did what you did? Wouldn't it hurt more to know that she felt like she couldn't be honest about her mistake with you? Wouldn't you at least want to know the truth so that you can figure out how you feel and what needs to happen in the relationship to ensure it doesn't happen again?

 

Yes, telling her will hurt her. But she needs to know. She deserves to know. You made a mistake, you have to deal with the consequences of it. If that consequence is that she feels she can't trust you and doesn't want to be with you, then sadly it is what you have to deal with. Or you can sit down and together look at why it happened, see if there are any other issues that need to be worked on. If your relationship is strong it can last through this. And if something like this is going to end things, its better to know now. But I think you are genuinely sorry and feel really bad about this. If you tell her, she will probably see that. Things won't go smoothly, thats never the case in these situations. But you guys can work it out. And its always best to try and work through things then to act like nothing happened. If anything, it will just be a relief to get it off your chest to her. Otherwise, you'll be walking around with a huge weight on your chest and that will bring you down and make you feel miserable.

 

Hope things work out. I'm here for you if you need anything. Hang in there.

[fishrrshortae]

Tell your girlfriend, for all you know you could have given her an STD. Let her decide, she might stay with you and work things out, she might not. Don't let her stay with you because she's oblivious.

 

And I agree with the others - If you love a girl, you keep yourself out of situations like that so it's not even an issue. Sounds like you were enjoying the attention.

[Amano Ginji]

Hi once again!

 

Well before i came to enotalone today,i already told my girlfriend everything that happened between me n "X".Just like wat everyone has suggested!

 

Hmm,Wat happened next was not unexpected,She slapped me hard ,She started crying,I tried to hold her but she dint let me.She went on crying!.I dint no wat to say.But after some time she came n rested her head on me,but continued crying.We justy kept quite till she stopped crying!.Then she asked me y "X" was still trying to get in touch wid me if it was already over!.I just kept quite again.Wat was i suppose to say?.

 

After sometime she got up n opened da door!.I asked her "So what have u decided?".Well i am glad i asked this,I culdnt believe wat she said.She said she needed to think about it.She asked me not to contact her till she calls me.Well i deserve this so i dint question her.

 

Now i know i have made a big mistake,So if she leaves me..I am not going to be able to forgive my self ever !!But if she does come back,I am never ever going to make this mistake again!

 

Everyone is rite.If i loved my gf,I wouldnt be even holding hands with another girl,but i just crossed da limits!.But da truth is i really really love her.I no everyone must think that this is not possible.But sometimes u have to learn from ur mistakes.

 

There have been no problems between da both of us in our relationship till today.The only problem is that we dont meet each other much because she is busy with her studies n besides her parents are too harsh on her.So we meet twice or thrice a month,For only 4-5 hrs.

 

@ everyone,ur rite,I shouldnt have been cudling with another girl if i really loved my gf.But the truth is..i love her..cuz i no i do!!!.

 

@DAnnysgirl,Maybe the fact that i cant get wat i want from my gf led me to making this mistake!

 

@Sysoul,Thanx for ur sympathy!..i needed it.Ur rite,If something like this can end our relation ship..then there is no point hiding it from her.If it doesnt end our relation ship,Well its going to b really amazing!

[Amano Ginji]

ps-How do i cut contact with "X"??..Well she has been texting me like shes my girlfriend.I hate this.When we were in the car,She initiated everyhting,N everytime i told her the same thing,"I am not okay with it,I have a girlfriend".She said dont u worry,Its all ok with me.Well dunno wat happened to me after this,I just allowed her to do wateva she wanted!.But i kept on telling her its only for tonite.She had agreed.Now she seems to have changed her mind.I agree i have cheated on my gf and this is wat i deserve.

[annie24]

Well, first, to cut contact, you just CUT CONTACT!!! Push delete anytime she writes or calls you or e-mails you. Eventually, she'll give up. I think you've made it clear that you have a gf.

 

I do believe that you truly love your gf, but made a huge mistake that one night. It happens. I'm not excusing the behavior, I'm just saying that I believe that you love her, but you messed up. I didn't think that you needed to have told her about the other girl. Honesty is good, but since you really felt bad about it and weren't going to cheat again, I think that you've hurt her more than you've helped your relationship.

 

If something like this can end our relation ship..then there is no point hiding it from her.

 

I was surprised that you used this word choice. Cheating is a really really big deal!!! If I were in her shoes, I don't think I would take you back.

But ok, what's done is done. I guess your gf has some thinking to do. All you can do is be patient.

[ShySoul]

To cut contact with her, do as annie said and cut contact. Don't take her calls, ignore her. She'll give up in time.

 

You made the right call in telling her and her reaction is what anyone would feel in that position. Things are in her hands and you just have to be patient and wait for her to work her feelings out. You let her know it was a mistake and that you are sorry, how bad you feel. Know she has to decide what she wants. Whatever happens though, know that you are not that kind of person who is into that behavior. You made a mistake, and you know not to do it again. Learn from your mistakes. Deep down you are still a good guy.

 

Hang in there.

[Amano Ginji]

It's really working.I have not been attending ne calls from "X".Besides i have deleted every message she texted me without even reading 'em!

 

Hope i m doing da rite thing!. But i haven got a good morning message or a good nite message from "X" at last!.Looks like she finally understood!Thanx for da idea annie! .I dint wanna be rude in any way,But there wasnt ne option left rite!

 

Its been almost 2 days since i haven spoken to ma gf.Its getting tough to stay this way.But i have to give her time to think.Hope she comes back.

 

Till then am just gonna be patient like everyone has suggested.

 

Not gonna let her go off widout trying ma best!

 

Should i text her some thing sweet or should i just wait like she told me to?.From how much i no ma gf,She would love it if i did that.Cuz last time wen we fought she asked me not to contact her,,I still did..Well seems like she was just testing my patience or something?But she loved it!

[ShySoul]

I don't think something small and sweet like "hi, miss you" would be bad. But I wouldn't overdo it and send lots of messages or try to convince her to meet up with you. She has to be the one to get in touch with you and it may take awhile. But I think a short message would be ok.

[Amano Ginji]

Hay

 

K gotcha!..!!

 

Just hope for da best!

 

Amano

[annie24]

Ok, well, while you are waiting to hear back from her, I really think you should do some serious thinking about why you cheated on her. It's one thing to cheat, but then to not even know WHY you cheated, that's bad too...

[Amano Ginji]

Yeah i have been thinking of dis too.I have never gone clubing with my gf cuz her parents wont let her go to pubs n late nite parties after an incident that happened once.I dont think its important to explain wat had happened.

 

Now i have been going to parites n pubs with my friends but i never tried to connect with other girls.I danced on my own cuz my friends always got their partners along.

 

So one part of me always wished she was wid me.We always hung out in da daylight.she cant be out after 8pm.I guess i got too carried away wid "X" because it was a completely new experience for me.

 

I thought a lot n i think dis is da only reason dat made me cheat on ma gf. .There is no other explanation i guess

 

 

ps-I sent her a text message saying "Missing u baby",Hmm she replied back saying "Dont miss me too much!".Hmm this looks bad](*,) .Wont text her again till she calls.

[yeawutever]

Yup, you sure blew it with the cuddling and making out session, now ur prollie gonna have ur g/f questioning ur every actions. Maybe u should have just left it that way only if u knew u weren't gonna do it again, but oh well, there u wnet on telling her. Wut's the use of it now, she's not gonna think of u as the same person she met.

[yeawutever]

Really, if I were her and u told me this, I would have shown u the door right away. Now

[yeawutever]

Now all u can do if give her time.

[Amano Ginji]

It's going to be tough to understand wat am saying!

 

To start wid,I believe in signs in day to day life.For instance,Wen it rains on a day am least expecting it,Something goes wrong..either with my parents or with my friends.I end up fighting on such days wid people.Well hard to believe but this has happned many times.

 

Ok now how is this related to da topic.Simple.Today wen i logged on into messenger,One of da girls i used to have crush on back in school just logged in.Hadnt been in touch wid her for 6 months.And i started getting those butterflies in my stomach i used to get whenver she used to smile at me.But then i just logged off cuz it only made me feel worse.

 

I believe this as a sign,signaling that i dont love my gf.But this is so untrue.But this cant be a co-incedence.Cuz of all da people,I dint expect to get butterflies just by seeing her online.

 

Well i just thought i would keep everyone updated about my sittuation.Gf hasnt contacted me yet.Its been a lot of days now.And wat happened today has left me confused.

 

Views,Replies?anyone?

[ShySoul]

Hey. Don't overthink it. If you have a crush on someone, its natural for some feelings to remain even after time passes. It's longing for something that could have been, wishing you had taken a chance and wondering if there might still be a chance. It's happened to me before. But you didn't act on it. Even if things were going well for you, you could notice another person. The sign is how deeply you feel. If the person becomes a constant thought in your mind or if you actually did something with them, thats when we have a problem area. But if you just notice, give it a brief thought, and then move on, its ok.

[locolady]

Arrrgghhhh! you may feel bad and sorry now but trust me thats nothing to how your girlfriend will feel. My bf of 4 years cheated on me - fooling around - not even sex and 3 months on i'm still heartbroken. The feelings of betrayal will not go away. She deserves to know because she deserves better. Being drunk is no excuse. If you loved her, you wouldnt have done it, period. Sorry to be so harsh but ive been so badly hurt myself ive no sympathy for your regret afterwards.