things were going great, until...

[jamie379]

Just a little intro: I'm a 26yo male and new to this site...I came accross it while seeking a place for some friendly advice. I'm also relative new to the whole gay dating scene, so any constructive advice is welcome.

 

Long story short, I met this guy through a number of coincidences involving an online dating site and a place I used to work and now freelance at once in a while. We hit it off immediately. We're both really straight acting guys (he has told me on more than one occasion that he can't believe I'm gay), have very similar outlooks on the world, enjoy similar things, and are, as far as I know, both attracted to each other.

 

So things were going great, we were going out to the bar in the evenings, dinner, movies, etc. This went on for two or three weeks. In that time, he asked me to a New Years Eve party his roommate and roommate's girlfriend were going to that he had also been invited to.

 

So New Years Eve happens, we have a great time (I did atleast, he says he did), we kiss at midnight (first time for us), and crash back at a friend's appartment. In the morning, we get up, he drives me back to his place where I parked, and we go our separate ways. Now, mind you, there's been no sex, no major signs of affection on the part of either of us...neither of us are big into public displays of affection, be them gay or straight. I do, however, get the sense that he wanted to play around the night after the party. I would have obliged, in fact, had I not had too much to drink and passed out on the bed.

 

So having said all that, since New Years he hasn't had much to do with me, hasn't called, hasn't IMed voluntarily, and seems generally uninterested. He was the one from the beginning who I thought was more into me than I was him. Now I'm realizing that I'm having the time of my life being with this guy and he seems to be blowing me off.

 

I'm curious where I should go from here. Do I give him a few days and ask him out to dinner or the bar? Do I confront him with my observations now? Or am I being paranoid and thinking too much?

 

I really appreciate it if you took the time to read all of this. I'm in a real emotional bind right now since this is the first guy I've gone out with who I feel a real emotional bond with.

[novaseeker]

Call him and ask him to dinner! Seriously, I wouldn't think you should mess around and overanalyze the situation ... you like him, chase him a bit now. Don't appear desperate, but a little chasing after you've been having fun together isn't a sign of desperation at all, I think.

[FoxLocke]

Oh my god, I went through this EXACT samething a little over a month ago.

This guy made an advance towards me and asked for my phone number and everything. We got out on a kinda sorta date(it kinda is and kinda isn't a date), and at the end of it he walked me to my car and kissed me...

 

The next day however he totally avoids me in class and it turns out that he still has a girlfriend...Long story short I am still in limbo with him...

 

So, I wonder if your friend might not be bi and have someone else on the side? Or maybe he is questioning his sexuality and not as certain as you are about yours?

What I did--it may not work for you--was wait until he called me back. Then I got to the root of the problem...

However, I would not advise that approach. Definitely call him and see what's up.

[jamie379]

novaseeker: thanks, I sincerely hope I'm not over analyzing the situation.

 

FoxLocke: I am actually the one least comfortable with my sexuality in this relationship, but neither of us are questioning anything about our actual sexuality. It's actually the first "out" relationship I've had. This has also brought out the largest group of people I'm out to...everybody he and I work with at this particular job know. It freaked me out at first, but I'm becoming more comfortable with it the more I realize noone there has issues with homosexuality.

[Prufrock06]

jamie,

 

I too am new to the dating scene and haven't been in any relationship yet, out or not, so I understand where you're coming from and also admire you for at least being farther along in the scene than I am

 

I completely agree with novaseeker on this one. While it's important not to overanalyze your situation (that will only drive you mad), maybe he does think that because nothing really fun happened that New Year's evening, he's wondering whether you're not as interested in him as he is in you. I say this from what you mention about being the one who'se most "uncomfortable" with your sexuality in the relationship. I think if you give him a call, ask him what he's been up to and if he'd like to go out, there's nothing wrong with that at all. Maybe he just wants a hint from you that you're interested in pursuing a relationship with him and possibly taking your relationship to the "next level." Don't confont him so much as maybe curiously ask how he feels about the two of you over dinner or in some other neutral environment.

 

Hope this helps you out!

[Ask Me 73]

If I were you, I would wait for him to call me. It's only been a few days. Wait two weeks before you call. Otherwise, you will appear to be desperate. Be strong.

[jamie379]

Two weeks seems a little extreme to me...but who am I to say.

 

Thanks for the kind comments, PruFrock.

[pizzachick13]

Whoa... 2 weeks is WAY too long. Take that long and he'll think you're not interested. Take novaseeker's advice and call him and ask him out again. Dinner is sufficient and it will show him that you are interested and would like to pursue this.

 

Good luck