How to be sensitive?

[hazlcha]

Hi all.

 

I sometimes go out on blind dates, and often enough it's clear that it's not going to work after just going out once or twice. I always feel awkward when calling her up to say that it was a nice try, but... I don't think it's right to just not call again, especially when it seems she was more interested.

 

So what is the best, most sensitive way to tell a one-or-two-or-three time date that it's not going to work? Any ways that have worked for anybody?

[darkblue]

Being straight and honest.

Telling them that the reason why you don't see it working. You don't have the same interests, you don't think they are compatable, etc.

[OceanEyes]

Hmmmm, after one or two dates, a lengthy explanation isn't necessary. Someone who would become attached to you in a few hours is probably someone you would become bored with quickly anyway.

 

There are just some situations where I don't feel that honesty is the best policy. I wouldn't want a guy to tell me that he didn't want to continue dating me because he didn't feel chemistry/ didn't like the conversation/ didn't really like ME all that much. If she asks for an explanation or becomes clingy in some way, THEN tell her. Otherwise, I think that politely declining future dates, or simply not asking her out again is sufficient.

 

Nobody wants to be told that they're not liked, and given reasons why they're not liked so that they can feel bad about them.

[RayKay]

I think after a couple dates, you just have to be firm, but compassionate. It's part of dating, not everyone you meet will click with you, and that goes both ways!

 

It's only been a couple dates, it's not a relationship, so you just have to tell them you were glad to have had chance to meet them, but you just do not feel that you want to pursue anything further. Don't lead them on, don't tell them let's be friends, just make it clean. Next time they call, just let them know. Don't accept any more dates, or make any more dates...and when you have only had a couple dates, don't make another date to breakup! No need to tell them it's because they laugh strangely, or chew with their mouth open, or are just boring, not what you are attracted to, too clingy, whatever. Just let them know they are not YOUR type, and that's it.

 

And if you know on the FIRST date it won't work out, tell them it was fun, but you don't see it going anywhere, don't take their number, give you theirs, people see through it when you are fake, and I think leading them on is rather unfair. I hate it when someone gives the impression they are interested and then go into hiding!

[Jjasonn28]

I agree with dark blue. It is ALWAYS best, no matter what the situation to be honest. At this point, only 2 or three dates, if you are honest and straight forward, wont cause a world of pain.

 

In this truth, you will be a better person, and have stregthened your character for it. Its hard to find the courage some times, when it comes to possibly negatively affecting someones feelings. Trust me, it was my downfall. You will not onlyl be doing her/him a favor, but doing yourself one too.

[mccarleighp]

the best way is to just say how u feel from the start that way nobody gets hurt

[Kevin T]

If you really want to be nice just say, "Look, you seem like a really nice person, but this just isn't working for me. I'm sorry, but I'm just not feeling it."

 

You're being honest, but upfront. Can't argue with that.

 

Or you could just ignore her the whole date and she'll get the picture. I've done that before.