Ok plz dont laugh at me

[lvl99link]

my girlfriend she lives about 3 hours away and because of that we have always been in a struggle to see each other but for the first time this weekend we were gonna see each other in person and impregnante her and well guess who finds out yesterday where she lives' her ex and her ex has hit her and everything b4 well she has always been terribly afraid of men because of the abuse in her life so she is crying and has broke up with me well now im sitting here crying because i dont know what to do i want to just go drive three miles and stab this guy with a knife and kill him but i dont think that will help her any and thats the only reason im not doing that i just dont know how to demolish her fears can someone please help me its driving me insane

[RunToMe]

Wait... why are you planning on impregnating this girl? I see that you are 16. Is she the same age?

[lvl99link]

ok number one plz just help me with the main problem and that is helping me demolish her fear of the male race

and number two because we have been talking about it for a long time and we have decided that we love her

and finally number three i dont want my kid to grow up with a mom thats scared of him

[melrich]

I am very confused by this post.

 

Is this right, she has broken up with you because she was abused by her ex and says she is now scared of men?

[lvl99link]

amazing i knew i shouldnt have come to a teen bored even tho im sixteen

ok guys heres the run down

she has been physically abused since she was a girl by guys

every person that she has dated has beat her atleast once

she has been raped b4 and she is completely afraid of any male that comes in contact with her GET IT GOT IT GOOD

[melrich]

amazing i knew i shouldnt have come to a teen bored even tho im sixteen

 

Sorry I needed clarification.

 

Ok if that is the situation, that she has serious issues trusting men, then she needs to seek professional counselling. These are not the sort of issues you can resolve by just being understanding and nice. They are likely to be deep rooted and require significant mangaged introspection.

 

The best thing you can do for her is to encourage her to seek out professional help.

[RunToMe]

and finally number three i dont want my kid to grow up with a mom thats scared of him

 

 

 

I have to address this issue right now, I'm sorry.

You're both 16. Meaning that you are, atleast you SHOULD, be in high school. I would also assume that this means that you are also living at home with your parents. Do they know anything about your relationship with this girl? Or perhaps your plans to bring a CHILD into this world with this girl??

 

Do you realise what getting her pregnant means? In order to give a child the life it deserves, you need to be going to college after high school. Will you have time for a job AND time for school? You need to be able to support your child, as well as the mother. Where will you be living? Are your parents going to want you, her, and the baby living in their home? Will they be willing to babysit while you have to do the things you need to do in order to take care of the child, like working or school? Are you mentally, emotionally, and financially prepared to bring a baby into this world. Go check some websites and see how much baby items go for. Cribs, diapers, car seats, bottles, toys, etc. They arent free. Are you expecting someone else to provide these items to you??

[ariyadhana]

If she has been abused to the point that she is afraid of all men I don't think you can help her get over that. She is clearly terribly emotionally troubled, and she needs to get help with that before she can have a healthy relationship with a male. Also, the fact that the two of you are trying to have a child together at such a young age is also in my opinion, unhealthy. Getting pregnant with someone's child at 16 is not something you do to show love for someone. Sorry but she did the right think by breaking up with you, and if you really love her don't you want what is best for her not just what is best for you?

[RunToMe]

How can someone with the problems that she have be expected to raise an emotionally stable child?

[SuperDuper]

Please don't take offense by these people man.

They're here to help, along with me. We're just having difficulty understanding.

 

I think I get it now though.

 

First of all, your life is YOUR life so I won't try to pursuay your decision.

 

Her fear of the male race is her fear. The only way you can help her get rid of this, is to show her that you are a loving, caring guy who is nothing like her ex.

 

Although she broke up with you, so you now should not worry about her problems until she comes back. Move on with your life, and go out with friends.

 

Seriously though, you're 16. I am 16 as well and would NEVER dream of WANTING to become a father at this age. I know where you and I stand in life, and we are nothing near the age of healthy father-hood. You think it's a struggle living far away from her? How would bringing a child into the world help this at all.

 

You need to prioritze, and YOU and YOUR life, and your grades, and YOUR future should be number 1. That's all there is to it. If you can maintain these things, you should pursue this girl if you are in love with her. But that's only if she's willing to take you back. Don't plead, nor beg.. show her that you're worthy of her love, by moving on. She'll see you have confidence.

 

That's all I can say.. just know that being a father will absolutley NOT help you in any way shape or form. At least at our age.

 

Her and her ex, are her problems, not yours. Don't let them haunt you. You cannot fix her fears, you can help.. but that's all.

 

If you aren't together, I suggest taking some time apart right now to recooperate.. cry all you need/want, and post all you need/want.

 

Good Luck.

[lvl99link]

i aprecciate your compassion but she is seventeen and im sixteen we are both home schooled and we are both involved in kawasaki motocross in which i make 200 a week and she makes 1500 a week im pretty sure we can handle it and im really sry for my smart mouth i have an extremely high iq and when i get angry i tend to not think situations out but the whole reason we are doing this is the fact that we love each other and we have made vows already and we intend to keep them we have been together for a while now on and off and it seems that everytime she breaks up with me she has stitches and bruses and what not now i sincerely appoligize for my rude behavior that was completely unexceptible and if you must know i am extremely good with helping others out with their relationship issues its just when i come to my girlfriend and she is crying i tend to get ****** at the person who made her cry and the fact that im afraid ill lose her and i dont do well with rofessional help and me and her are earely identical so my best interest for her is to be comforted by someone she knows and loves instead of someone she needs to think of

wow oddly enough i think i answered my own question thank you and please post replies i too have been abused and i have a type of ilness where if blood fills my eyes i black out ut it is the pressure in my head that does it and when i black out i tend to put ppl in hospitals ive learnd to control it but if anyone has any siggestions on how to use it for good pl let me know thank you all

[RunToMe]

Think about what you have said. You've been together on and off? How does this benefit a child? Children need stability in their lives. And it does not sound like you have a stable, healthy relationship with this girl. She keeps returning to an abusive ex. Does that sound HEALTHY to you? What if you DID get her pregnant and she left you AGAIN for this guy and he abused her and killed or harmed your unborn child?!? That is a VERY big possibility.

[lvl99link]

well if i would have clarified it we have been on and off BECAUSE of the ex not the fact that she is going out with the ex she doesnt even like him the whole thing is is the fact that he is stalking her

and i have been trying to persuade her to call the police and if you would read through and just take a moment to comprehend what im saying is the act that we are very much in love with each other and we have a muture train of thought and we need just a little bit more stability and thats it oh and super duper if you could pm me and we could chat on yahoo msn or xfire one time i would really appreciate it

[SuperDuper]

^ Agreed.

 

I'm sorry to say, but at 16 you just do not have enough life experience to bring a child into the world. I guess it's opinion based.

 

How long have you really been dating? If it's been less than a few years of steady committment, than i'm sure you're not ready for a child. Have you talked to your parents about this, or hers. Remember you both are still minors and they should know about this because it affects their lives as well.

 

You really need to think about what you're doing. Are you sure you want to have a baby with this teenage girl. Why not wait and see who else is out there before you settle down at the ripe age of 16. We have our whole lives ahead.

 

What if you meet the absolute love of your life at 23 for example. By then you would have experienced adult hood, maybe university, finished school, and had a steady career. Also adding you'll be out of your parents home.

 

If you're writing vows for each other, does that mean you're considering marriage too?

 

I think you need to think of other things before this girl first. It seems she isn't the only thing that is confusing you at this point.

[Jonboy582]

Now you main issue is being resolved I would like to adress what you said here.

for the first time this weekend we were gonna see each other in person

Here you say your very much in love with this girl, and you are going to have a child with her. But really you have NEVER even seen her in person. Call me narrow minded. But how the hell does that work ? ?

[RunToMe]

Listen, I'm only trying to help. Thats what you came here for, isnt it?

 

The truth of the matter is this... The relationship that you have with this girl is not one in which a responsible couple would want to bring another life into this world. You are putting an unborn child at risk. If homeboy is really stalking her, and was abusive in the past, then he will more than likely try to harm her even worse if she is pregnant. Do you honestly think he will be ok with the idea of her carrying another kid's child? )And I say kid because at 16 you are no where near an adult. No matter what your IQ may be. Only life experiences can prepare you for what lies ahead.) He WILL harm her!!

 

She needs tio fix HER problems before you bring a child into this world. It is unfair for a child to have to endure her problems. I can assure you that if you were to go up to heaven and offer your situation to a room full of babies, not one of them would take you up on your offer. it is UNFAIR to bring a child into this world under your circumstances. Talk to your parents.

 

And I am sorry, but I can not continue this conversation after 5:30pm. I have no internet access at home.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Do you think your illness stems from unresolved anger? If so, I think seeing a therapist can help you determine its source and how to deal with it. I'm just speculating here, but I think that if you don't you will probably end up hurting your gf and possibly your son.

 

As for your gf, I think she is the only one who can figure out and deal with her problems.

 

Some things to think about: When your gf is pregnant, how long will she be out of work. $800 a month isn't enough to support one person, let alone a family. Do your jobs provide adequate medical coverage? What if you get angry and your smart mouth is used to hurt the ones you love?

 

I know this is your life, but I would hate to see someone take this big of a step without really thinking about all the various consequences.

 

Just as a cursory evaluation from your post, it looks like both you and your girlfriend have issues that need addressing. If it were up to me (and I know its not) I'd want them dealt with before taking this big step.

 

Anyway, good luck.

[Itsok]

I don't know if getting her pregnant is a good idea at the moment.

 

Ok, let's say that against the odds, you two are awesome and will do great as parents. Fine.

 

Now there's still the other guy. She is still getting beaten up, etc. Don't you think you should be responsible for helping her get through that before trying to make her a mother?

 

If you really love her so much, help her approach the authorities and get a restraining order from this guy and/or press charges for his continual assaults on her.

 

THEN worry about your relationship.

[darkblue]

Before you think of getting her pregnant at 17 - you may want to try and build the relationship and wait until she is comfortable with any males in her life.

 

People here are only trying to help, and it would be nice if you could see that we are not trying to get on your back about having sex, or being upset with her ex.

 

No - revenge on her ex is not the answer.

If he physically abused her - she should contact the authorities to deal with that.