point of view. what about the other person?

[jinxz]

have you ever felt like "why wont she/he just... (insert phone me, answer my calls, see me etc.)"? i always see the dumpee posting on this site (including me )with all of their problems and questions. now id like to see some of the DUMPERS post on here tell their side of the story, becasue we've all been through the stage of trying to call and call and call and just getting your heartbroken after each try, what is the point of view of the people on the other end of the line? im intrested to see what goes through your mind when your ex tries certain things to persuade you, what actions are positive and which ones are negative? i dont want to be naive with this post, but it kind of struck me after reading a bunch of posts today; whats going thorugh the other persons mind right now in all of these situations, because there is always two sides to every story.

[nikkers04]

This is a very good topic...I unfortunately have always been on the losing end...I'm sure its hard for the dumper to let go because they are also losing someone they did care for but maybe they know if they keep it going it will only get worse and the pain more deep if they continue to try to love someone they know they truly don't!

[Goincrazy]

I dumped this girl after 13 months. We tried to hang out as just friends after and it was awkward to say the least. I sorta felt some sexual tension. In addition, the little things about her that didn't really bother me began to get on my nerves over time. I still respected her and was thankful for our wonderful relationship together, but I wanted to distance myself so we could both move on. She didn't understand that. I think the dumpee always has a problem with the split b/c they are often caught by surprise and not emotionally ready for it while the dumper has already thought the decision through and has made up their mind. That's just my take on it......

[ShaKe__]

well,when I dumped my ex-bf I felt kinda lonely and after a week I was ready to get back together,so his first try to keep in contact was a good chance to start a friendship and then rebound..too bad it didn't work even the second time

[novaseeker]

Eh ... I think the main differences between being the dumper and the dumpee are that (1) the dumper sees it coming and is prepared for it and (2) the dumpee suffers the pain of rejection in addition to the pain of loss, whereas the dumper generally doesn't suffer the pain of rejection (I say generally because sometimes the dumper dumps the dumpee because the dumpee was cheating, and in that case the dumper does feel the pain of rejection).

 

I think you'd be surprised at how many dumpers waver at undoing the break-up when the dumpee tries to do it. The dumper is also often feeling alone, sad, pained at the loss, and so forth, and it can be tempting to take the dumpee up on their offer. In many cases, however, the dumper is perhaps more focused on the bad things in the relationship (because they were the one who saw these and decided to end it based on these) and so it's the memory of those things and how important they were to the dumper than can cause the dumper to ignore/distance themselves from the dumpee when the dumpee starts to make overtures ... to be strong, in other words, rather than give in to the temptation to get the good stuff in the former relationship back.

[lewisbn11]

I think that being the dumpee all you want to do is call them text them make them love you again, You can't change anyones feelings though. If you love them that much the only thing you can do is NC. Thats the only true way that they can experience life without you and maybe realize that they miss you. How can they miss you if your begging and calling every second. This is the you they don't even know anyway. Not how they met you when you were confident and cool. It will only push them away.

 

I have been dumped more then done the dumpings. When i left a girl i had been with for 3 months she was destroyed. I told her ohnestly to her face what the deal was and then i did everything i could to not contact her. Cause i know what its like to be contacted after you have been dumped. You see it as hope. Now we still talk sometimes and get on after nearly a year and she respects me for the way i chose to handle it.

 

My love of my life just dumped me. Rang me up when i was away for 5 weeks on a kitesurfing trip. Told me she had kissed somone else and she was not sure if she wanted to be with me. gave me the last lonely week of hell in egypt and when i got back she wasn;t even there at the airport. Sends me a message saying she will let me know after christmas but i rang her and saw her. She was all over me then told me agian it was off. I chose to deal with it then 5 days after NC i see her out and dance with her then sleep with her (yes my choice but i love her and thought it was back on) only for the next day her to tell me it was off again. THen i repeat back onto NC and she talks to me again last night on msn which forced me to block her.

 

This girl will get no respect from me now its not fair to do that to someone. I believe its easier for the dumper.

[numb-uk]

THen i repeat back onto NC and she talks to me again last night on msn which forced me to block her.

 

This girl will get no respect from me now its not fair to do that to someone. I believe its easier for the dumper.

 

I currently have the same problem with my ex, I have blocked and deleted her from my msn. I dont want to know if she is in or not and I certainly dont want to talk to her.

 

Some of the things she has been saying lately seem to have been devised to inflict pain upon me, there doesnt appear to be any other logical explanation for it so soon after we broke up. 'All i want is a christmas drink with my FRIEND!' which I refused, twice! And also, 'I've got to get a car now I'm an INDEPENDENT woman'. She really capitalised those words as if to make a point. Actually, a few days ago she asked me out for a drink because she had 'no-one to play with' and it made me think exactly of what she was doing with me!

[iwillsurvive]

I have been the dumper before. And the dumpee.... ](*,)

Sometimes as the dumper the dumpees bad behaviors (rude,abnoxious,inconsiderate,cheating,selfish,jealousy) all lead to the dumper being able to distance themselves and not want to be a part of such actions,even if they love and care about them.

 

When I let go of my ex boyfriend, he had alot of the bad behaviors exibited above. I don't think he really saw (as crazy as it may sound) how nasty he was being to me. He did not seem to get the hint until I refused his calls, ignored him, and broke it off. I had to show him better than I could tell him. He responded to my actions better than my words.

 

I still loved him, but I respected myself more, and knew in the long run that was not the relationship that I wanted for myself. Yes, I missed him, Yes, it was hard for me not to return his calls, and speak to him. But if you want someone to change you must love then enough to let them go. When and IF they show genuine signs of change you will know it and hopefully have not moved on to someone else.

 

Sometimes we dumpers are hurt just as bad as the dumpees but have enough strength to let go for whatever reasons. It is easier to let go of someone too if you know you are not the one who screwed it up.