It's a money thing

[kristo]

Hi Guy's,

 

You have given me stellar advice, which has seen me though hard times and let me keep my dignity intact. I sometimes think about the ex... but I soon push that out of my mind, I don't miss her or even care. Time really does heal! Anyway….I digress.

 

My buddy has come to me for advice, so I'm passing this on to you and hopefully we can both help him out.

 

Background: He has been going out with his g/f for about 4 years, but there have been cracks in the relationship over the past couple of years, one of which is the money thing. As he earns more than her and the fact that they are in a relationship he has lent her money. She really relied on him when she moved to London and couldn't find work for about 3 months. She has paid him back monthly, but sporadically. Apparently, she tried to get a loan from the bank but they turned her down. She owes him about USD 3,500.

 

They both won some cash in a competition about 3 years ago, where they both won USD 8,000 ($4k each). She paid some debts off, but still managed to get into debt with him. Oh yeah… he wrote off a portion of some money that she owed him before, because she chose the winning ticket

 

About 6 weeks ago, she tried to withdraw some money from the cash machine, but nothing came out. She tried 3 times and then went into the bank to complain. Apparently, this incident is still under investigation. My mate lent her USD 1,200 to pay the rent and get by, amongst other things.

 

She phoned him this morning and told him that someone got into her account had been cleared over the Xmas period (about USD 1,500).

 

I've attached the e-mail exchange that he forwarded to me, between him and her. which I edited slightly

 

My Friend

 

Look, I know it's not your fault and it's MORE than likely that you will get your money back

 

BUT

 

I'm not willing to throw money at you so you can get by, as by your own admissions you CANNOT BUDGET! Also this talk of getting your teeth whitened for half price (if you weren't going to do it… why even mention it!), that little star on your teeth and that "expense" item that you bought for work Xmas party is BLATANTLY disrespectful to me, especially after I lent you USD 1,200 to sort yourself out 4 weeks ago and you haven't paid me anything back yet. Maybe I'm blind, but I'm only starting to see this now. To tell you the truth, my involvement in this would be SEVERELY limited, if you didn't owe me all that money. I can't even think straight.

 

Look, give me your budget by spreadsheet on what you need for the next month, on a week-by-week basis, including how much you will need between now and New Year.

 

Her Reply

 

I totally understand you BUT I NEVER EVER DISRESPECT YOU!!!

 

And I didn't call you to ask you for money…I did call you for some reassuring words!

 

Yes I did spent some money on myself but I suppose I did it to "cheer" myself up as I haven't been really happy at all in the last few months. I know that is wrong but this is what some people do sometimes in situations like this and I'm sorry!

 

I will have to sit down tonight and work my budgeting out and will send you tomorrow the spreadsheet…as I can't think straight right now too!

 

I will go home in a few minutes!!!

 

My friend feels like he is backed into a corner and feels he is being used, especially as his ex from a few years ago used him. He is the archetypal "nice" guy.

 

I know his girlfriend well and I don't think she is lying or "consciously" using him, but then again, I'm not in the relationship. On the other hand though… I think he has been too nice of a guy and let things get out of hand with her. What is the solution here?

 

Cheers,

 

K!

[chai714]

The solution: quit lending your semi-girlfriend money. She's become more of a financial burden than a girlfriend. You're likely not getting emotional fulfillment out of this relationship. So, cut your losses - quit lending her money and educate her on how to budget.

[PocoDiablo]

Agreed. Don't loan her any more money. She can be smarter. What's this about getting her teeth whitened - I thought she was broke!

 

I would advise him to be kind to her, forgive all the debt, and move on. Unless you are married, don't loan money.

 

Remember ... the LACK of money is the root of all evil.

[kristo]

Thanks for the advice!

 

The funny thing is that my mate's an accountant

 

Cheers,

 

K

[PocoDiablo]

The cobblers kids and shoes ... something like that?