how do you know if they're just a hook up?

[Pheonixpassion84]

I keep having an issue with guys hooking up with me for like one night, and then they will ignore me or just forget about me after. Which sucks, because I never end up having seious relationships, and sometimes I get my hopes up only to find out that they dont even really care.

 

How can you tell if they really like you or are just using you for a hook up?

[darkblue]

You don't meet them and just sleep with them...

You get to know them and keep sex for when you know that you have a bond, and he won't just up and leave you.

[chai714]

Showing more self-respect is a gateway to them liking you more.

 

The more you show that you respect yourself, the higher perceived value they have of you.

 

Humans in general like a challenge, but in addition to being somewhat of a challenge you must respect yourself and not give it up so quick. It's a double standard that men hold of women - if they are quick to give it up then they are said to be "easy" and thereforeeee not desireable for a relationship. If they "hold out" too long then they are a "prude."

 

The balance is in the middle to where you form an emotional bond with someone. thereforeeee, you will be fulfilling more than just their sexual appetite but their emotional (and thereforeeee psychological) appetite as well. Good luck.

[Day_Walker]

What you have to do is look for clues that a guy is actually interested in you and just doesnt want sex. If you have sex right off the bat then you dont really get a chance to know what exactly he wants. This is not something you can ask you have to notice his mannerisms and look for what he wants in his life at the time. It is possible that a guy who sleeps with you quickly will be interested but he has to want to be with you and not just sex. Develop your method of determining a guys actual interest and you will be on your way to having a serious relationship.

[smittenkitten]

Hey Phoenix,

 

These guys are absolutely right. I had to learn it the hard way... don't fall into bed with a guy right off the bat! My absolute BEST relationship to date was one where we waited 6 weeks before sleeping with each other.

 

Pace yourself. If you don't give it up on the first date, & a guy calls you back, he likes you. If you don't give it up on the second date, & the guy calls you back, he likes you. If you don't give it up on the third date, & the guy calls you back, he STILL likes you... and when, finally, you do go to bed with him, chances are that he's still going to call you.

 

Because he actually likes you.

 

 

[chai714]

I highly disagree.

 

I don't believe that how a woman acts changes who a man is. No way---no how. Sorry to the guys out there who believe that---but it's got to do with WHO HE IS--not how SHE ACTS. Please don't place the cause of how a guy acts or treats someone on the woman. Guys have to take accountability for their own behavior.These guys are not going to suddenly be a different person just because she doesn't have sex with them right away. They're still who they are.

 

I agree that how a woman acts does not change who a man is. How you make someone feel about you does however change how they perceive you as a whole.

 

A person who has the ability to be aware of their own behavior and how it affects how others feel about them and thereforeeee perceive them is what I'm getting at.

 

This has nothing to do with guys taking accountability, rather her taking accountability for her own behavior and dealing with the consequences of guys not wanting a relationship with her because of how she made them feel, or perceive her. I subscribe to the belief that all people for the most part have good intentions and are good people or want to be good people. thereforeeee, I think she could have a relationship and a good one if she waited to sleep with these men until after they had more emotions invested. Because, when we make an emotional investment in someone or something, it makes it much more difficult to just walk away.

[Bethany]

 

Pace yourself. If you don't give it up on the first date, & a guy calls you back, he likes you. If you don't give it up on the second date, & the guy calls you back, he likes you. If you don't give it up on the third date, & the guy calls you back, he STILL likes you... and when, finally, you do go to bed with him, chances are that he's still going to call you.

 

Because he actually likes you.

 

 

 

I agree.

 

I also agree with Chai.when he said....The balance is in the middle to where you form an emotional bond with someone. thereforeeee, you will be fulfilling more than just their sexual appetite but their emotional (and thereforeeee psychological) appetite as well.

[Pheonixpassion84]

Thank you guys! This all helps so much, lol. You all give really good advice

[PocoDiablo]

I keep having an issue with guys hooking up with me for like one night, and then they will ignore me or just forget about me after. Which sucks, because I never end up having seious relationships, and sometimes I get my hopes up only to find out that they dont even really care.

 

How can you tell if they really like you or are just using you for a hook up?

For one, you should never have sex on a first date. Maybe not even on a second date, unless you feel a huge connection. MAYBE.

 

Second, you need to be very careful. My good friend had this same problem in college. It turns out she had a reputation for being easy because she slept with every guy on the first date. Sure enough, guys got the word out and ... yeah... anyway.

 

Finally, remember that actions speak louder than words. Any guy can say he likes you, but how do you know? You know because he calls you the next day, he sets up another date, he does something charming, he is fun to be with, he introduces you to friends and family. Stuff like that.

 

You just need to screen these guys better.

[ShySoul]

Take your time. Set limits for yourself if you have to, you absolutely won't go this far until at least this length of time has passed. People who are only looking for one night stands and the guys who are running into are putting up an act to get you to like them more. However, the longer they have to wait, the harder it is to keep the act up. A person's true colors show through the longer you know them. Thats why it is important to take it slow. If he is serious and really does respect you, then he won't pressure you into anything and you will be able to tell he is genuine and sincere. If he isn't serious, there will be warning signs that leak through.