Now I'm really confused

[veryconfused2]

Okay maybe someone can tell me what I should be thinking. I'm 34 male newly single and met this super hot 24 year old bartender a couple of weeks ago.

 

We hit it off right from the start. She seemed like she was really into me. Asking me questions, saying things like I like the way that you think etc. Anyway I ask her for her number and she gives it to me. So we start texting each other like crazy. She says meet me for drinks before I go to work and I do, we have fun and she asks can we do it again sometime. She asks me to meet her several times for happy hour etc. Then she says she is dating someone and I do the oh okay well maybe we should stop seeing each other, then she says that no we can still see each other because she isn't very serious with him.

 

Come to find out the guy that she is seeing is like 60 years old and I know him from the bar where she works. I'm thinking what's the deal with this chick, here she is super hot and she is dating this guy who is even twice my age. I thought that our age difference was an issue but must not be.

 

Fast forward to Christmas eve and I text her and ask if she would like to meet for coffee at 1 pm. So we meet and talk for over 2.5 hours. Everything is going good, we really seem like we are into each other.

 

Then Christmas rolls around and I text her in the afternoon and ask her how her day is going and if she is having a good holiday. At this point we are exchanging texts back and fourth about presents what we did etc. Then comes the breaking point. I tell her that she is super hot and I have a hard time keeping my hands off of her. She replies that maybe we shouldn't be alone with each other anymore. I reply I'm willing to risk it, you? Then she replies back saying, No, when I said that I wanted to spend time with you I was not proposing anything indecent. At this point I'm thinking what have I missed, I was half joking to begin with. So I reply I wasn't proposing anything it was a joke, seems like a touchy issue. Then her reply is yes can you think why that might be a touchy issue? And I again reply saying that I know of one reason why it might be a touchy issue, referring to her 60 year old friend. She replies with just yes.

 

So that's where it was left, no more talking or texts since then. So what should I be thinking is this little fling over? Did I mess up by telling her I thought she was hot? We have flirted before and I told her she was attractive before and she didn't have a problem with it. Also with our talk on Christmas eve I learned that she was raised in a very religious family, but doesn't doesn't still practice it, her family still does. I guess her father was very into it, but he sounds like a jerk because she was telling me that her father told her that he doesn't love her etc. We were chatting about her 60 year old friend and why she is dating him and the entire father figure issue was discussed, she was the one who brought it up.

 

So what should I do, forget about her and move on, or play it cool and see what happens. Funny thing is I was playing it very cool when we met, thinking this is too good to be true, and when I start getting into it, she seems to change her mind.

[PocoDiablo]

Little fling? She had a boyfriend and told you so. She used you, and you let her. You never asked her on a date, because you couldn't (she had a boyfriend after all) and all you did was act like a girlfriend what with texting her like crazy.

 

She thought of you as a friend and you led her on as such as well. Had she been single you would of had to ask her on a date like any other guy. She's told you "No" and now you think there is more to it?

 

You're done here. She never changed her mind, YOU did. She liked the fact that you were playing it cool, you did not hit on her like every other guy does who walks in, which is why she gave you time of day. However, she clearly does not like you as much as the 60 year old guy or she would have dumped him. Whatever he is doing is better than what you are doing, and I expect it's because he's rich.

 

Better luck next time.

[PocoDiablo]

Oh, for reference, telling her she was super hot was a bad move. I bet she has heard that "line" 22,347 times before. Next time, compliment a woman on the effort she makes to look good, not on the fact that she has two legs, a torso, arms, and a head.

[Lady Bugg]

Poco is right....

 

Her b/f is 60 years old? Hmmmm

Maybe she has a sugardaddy..who knows? She probably HAS heard the "you're so hot" line...thousands of times. It is probaby a broken record to her.

 

As a woman, I like the guy who is not so willing to jump through hoops for me. That adds mystique. It also increases my desire for him..making me wonder WHY is NOT so into ME?? LOL.

 

This girl may not have "led you on"...but she sounds like a bit of a pr*** tease to me. What's the point of giving your number out to another guy when you're 'involved"? I just don't buy it.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

You were playing it cool and everything is fine.. I dont think telling her she is hot was the mistake.. Me myself dont really understand this girl.. she seems strange.. Dating a 60 years old man is a strange thing.. here is what i think happened.. She maybe dont like this 60 years old man, she wanted to change.. So she was trying you.. i dont mean she necessary was using you but maybe she was interested in the beggining..

 

ok let me ask you first what did she tell you about why she is dating this man ?

[Lady Bugg]

Wait, she's 24 and her b/f is 60?? Is her name Anna Nicole Smith by chance??

[veryconfused2]

Well to say the least I was very shocked to find out that she was dating this guy. She isn't the type at all, or at least that's the impression that I got from her.

 

Strange thing was she told me to meet her Friday night at 6pm where she works because she had to check her schedule and see when she had to work again. So I show up order a drink and the old dude was there and then she shows up and sits down right next to me. Then goes over to him to say hi and then comes back to me. This is all happening before I knew that they were dating. I think it's only been for a couple of weeks, so I don't think they can be very serious at all.

 

Anyway I'm going to play it very cool and not contact her at all. I may happen to run into her at the bar in the next week or so..

[Lady Bugg]

Confused, this situation seems very ODD to me.

I can offer a couple scenerios here:

 

Ok the first not to be crude but ANYthing is possible these days.

 

1) Maybe he is her "Sugar Daddy" and she dates on the side. Seriously..WHY would a "HOT" 24 year old woman need a 60 year old guy unless he was offering her something..like money or security..I thInk we will all agree..it's probably NOT for his hot body.

 

2) She dates him and they have an agreement that she can date other guys. I mean come on...the guy can't expect her to commit to a man his age..and her being so young. Maybe she thought of dating you but just didn't "feel" it after a few dates.

 

3) Maybe she's just a wack job who gets off on mens attention...and maybe she uses men for money and whatever suits her at the time.

 

She sounds young and wishy washy....this relationship would most likely be shrouded in drama. Why put yourself in that situation?? No "HOT" girl is worth all that ..believe me.

[veryconfused2]

Lady Bugg I think you hit the nail on the head with your post. I really think it's number 3. From what I can tell she has a very low self esteem (the reason I was giving her the complement in the first place) To make her feel good about herself.

 

When we chatted about her "older friend" I could tell she didn't like talking about it and felt uncomfortable so I didn't press the issue. The thing is I don't think that she is sleeping with him either. Also he isn't good looking or rich for that matter. He is clean has a good small business and is friendly. But there is no reason (from the outside) that she would want to date him. Anyway it has to be some kind of link to security, beyond the normal money related ones.

 

The thing that I can't get out of my mind is how well we clicked right off the bat, it seems like a rare thing to totally click with a woman from the moment that you meet. So I hate to give up at this stage I think it's for the best. I'm sure your right about my life being filled with drama if I continue messing around with her.

[PocoDiablo]

Bingo. She's a gold digger.

[veryconfused2]

Okay so I happened to run into her last night where she works. She wasn't supposed to be there and stopped by to check her schedule. I was hanging out with my friends and a couple of clients having a few drinks. I hadn't made contact with her since sunday and sort of had her out of my mind. Not really, she is super hot and it's hard to let go. Anyway!!

 

So when I saw her I figured I'd play it real cool. Be nice and friendly but at the same time distant. Well she started it up again, being very flirty, talking to me, looking at me and smiling. Her friend was there as well but she didn't seem to be paying much attention to him. So I was nice, flirted back a little bit but clearly keep my distance. Spoke with her awhile then my buddies then took off for home. Keeping my overall distance.

 

Fast forward to this morning and she sent me a text saying "it was nice to 2 c u last night" So now what if anything... I think she enjoys playing guys, so I'll play back but on my terms.

[PocoDiablo]

Now what? Ignore it.

 

Texting is friendzone. She is using you to stroke her ego, which is why she works there.

 

Personally, I think if you wanted to get with her you would have to pick up some manipulative dating techniques which I do not subscribe to. But if you really want them, here they are:

 

link removed

 

His methods are cheap, manipulative, and dishonest in my opinion - but they work, and I bet they would work on her. Until she figures it out that you're not like that and dumps you. His advice is just about getting laid, nothing long term.

 

I'd recommend you move on. I don't waste my time on women who are (1) taken, (2) bartenders, and (3) not interested in me. If she were interested in you she'd dump her so-called man.

 

Good luck, you're going to need it I think!

[ShySoul]

Am I the only one who picked up on what was said about her family? Very religious but she doesn't follow that, like she was rebelling? Bad father figure? Perhaps an older guy is giving her that kind of attention she feels she missed out on or needs? But she feels ashamed or embarrassed, so doesn't like to talk about it? Family could also account for the low self esteem. Possibility.

 

I think you shouldn't pursue anything with her, not because of what has happened but because I'm not seeing just where you clicked. To me it seems like the one thing you keep focusing on is the physical attraction. You've said she is hot several times and you question what they other guy could give her because there is nothing there physically. In my experience, relationships that focused on the physical are not likely to go far.

[veryconfused2]

Well I thought that I'd send in an update and see what everyone thinks.

 

First I'd like to say yes Shy your right about the family stuff and how it has affected her and her thinking. I do think that there is a bit of rebel in her and it's partly because she lived a very sheltered childhood. Also she has told me that she doesn't have a very good relationship with her Dad. So that helps to explain the older boyfriend somewhat.

 

So anyway we have since gone out about three times since my last post. Poco - I did take what you posted to heart but I just couldn't help but trying to see if things could work out with us. Each time has been fun for both of us (at least what I can tell for her, she said she had fun)

 

But the last time was this past Saturday night. We went to a party in a city about 45 minutes away which we met several friends at. So I picked her up at her house and met her mother while picking her up (she still lives with her parents, and I have to say I haven't done that in many years!!) So we drive to the party talking and listening to music. Get to the party and hang out and talk for about 2 hours. Then people are leaving and we decided to go to dinner. So we go to a really nice seafood restaurant that I know she will like. Have a few drinks and a really great meal, but I think she ate too much because it's making her sleepy. (She also had worked very late the night before at the bar) Anyway on the way home it's about 10:30 at this point she falls asleep in the car it's about an hour drive back to the city we live in. She looks so cute sleeping in my car that I wanted to take a picture, took a metal note instead. So we get close to our city and I wake her up and ask if she would like me to just take her home since she is so sleepy. She says yes that's the best thing since she is so tired. Earlier she said something about if she wasn't so tired that she would ask me in to watch a movie with her. We reach her house and I have to wake her up again. Half awake she gets up and says "I'll see you soon" and gets out of the car.

 

As I drove away I couldn't help but feeling that the night didn't go that well. Even though it really seemed like we both had a good time, I guess it was the ride home and that fact that she was tired and fell asleep. I haven't had any contact with her since I dropped her off at her house. It's now Tues. and I was thinking that I should call her. I haven't wanted to seem desperate and needy not to mention I'm pretty busy at work. Should I call her or stop in a see her tonight while she is working. Or should I just drop the entire thing and move on. I really do like her and from what I can tell she likes me. We just need to take it to the next level if there is one. Oh and from what I can tell she has stopped seeing the 60 year old.