Attempt Redemption

[Outcast-Angel]

Attempt Redemption by outcast-angel

Tell me i'm real, so you can shut me out

watch me fade so you don't have to care

tell me i'm beautiful so i can tell when you lie

leave me broken so i can't break on my own

tell me i've hurt you so i can hurt myself more

cut my mind open, redemption made in blood

tell me i'm ordinary so i don't have to try

let myself fall down in the dark once again

tell me the story of the love of your life

so i can look in the mirror and know it's not me

tell me all the things a good girl should be

so i'll know i'm not ideal, never could be

tell me you're leaving so i'll have time to cry

time to hate all the things in me

to beg forgiveness when you can't hear

to punish me more, things you'll never find out

time to attempt redemption, commit sacrafice.

[Moon Goddess]

wow I love it

i have felt that way many times.Very good work I'm sure alot of people can relate to it. I like it alot

[Outcast-Angel]

thanks.. glad i'm not alone in feeling like that. not that i'd ever wish it on anyone.. just that misery loves company.

[ShySoul]

Misery can make room on the couch for me. I liked it. Can really relate to it as well. Sad that we punish ourselves like that.

[Outcast-Angel]

Misery can make room on the couch for me. I liked it. Can really relate to it as well. Sad that we punish ourselves like that.

 

there's always room for one more on the couch, i guess. besides.. if we didn't punish ourselves, who would?

[Moon Goddess]

true ..weird misery group that's very true the best people to punish ourselfs is us

[ShySoul]

People tend to be the hardest on themselves. It's weird but true.

[Outcast-Angel]

true ..weird misery group that's very true the best people to punish ourselfs is us

i'm gunna have to point out that the only reason we're the best at punishing ourselves is because we know ourselves better than anyone else. so we can come up with things that effect us the most. not that i'm gunna encourage people to punish themselves in the way that i do. cause it's actually not healthy. but it's most effective for me.

[Moon Goddess]

exactly We know what will hurt us the most so we focus on that and punish ourselfs in the way it will hurt most. Not a very good idea but I guess it makes sense. Naturally if I want to punish myself I duh punish myself and I try to get the people that I love the most to insult me or put me down so I can feel worse as Outcast-Angel said I do not encourage it but I sometimes can't help doing it

[Dregnought]

I beleave that when you do want other people to punish you, you are actually reallly asking for thier help. MG once asked me to insult her - i didnt, but rather supported her and made her feel alot better by showing that i loved her so much. In the end she was much happier, and we even kissed (this was early days)

[Outcast-Angel]

I beleave that when you do want other people to punish you, you are actually reallly asking for thier help. MG once asked me to insult her - i didnt, but rather supported her and made her feel alot better by showing that i loved her so much. In the end she was much happier, and we even kissed (this was early days)

 

of course i don't want other people to punish me. i just validate my emotions, and punish myself for anything i think is "wrong" or for thinking certain things.. my god, if others said or did half the things i do to myself, i probably would have succeeded in suicide by now. i need others to treat me normally, or i tend to break.

[ShySoul]

Might not be the case for Outcast-Angel, but what Dreg is saying is true for some people. There way of hurting themselves is to get others to hurt them, thus validating their feelings of being lonely, miserable, or worthless. Either way, its not good for a person.

[Moon Goddess]

Shy Soul is right as I said before I do not encourage it but I sometimes do it but most of the people I ask don't want to put me down, others obey my request and do it In the end you still end up with mixed emotions

[Dregnought]

Usually when MG does, she asks me, and i support her and quickly get her out of it. I think she asks me because she knows i can get her out every time.

[Outcast-Angel]

Usually when MG does, she asks me, and i support her and quickly get her out of it. I think she asks me because she knows i can get her out every time.

 

aws! that's really sweet, and i agree with you.. she probably is aware of it at least subconsciously.. it's uber-cool that you support her so much.

[forsythia]

You inspire Outcast-Angel. I went thru a terrible break-up & she left me for a much younger woman. Your words ring true.

[Outcast-Angel]

You inspire Outcast-Angel. I went thru a terrible break-up & she left me for a much younger woman. Your words ring true.

i'm so sorry to hear that.. a breakup can be traumatic enough on its own.. but when they replace you so quickly, it brings to mind doubt that they cared for you at all.. just remember that in the end, it's her loss! and you are deserving of someone who'll actually appreciate you.

[ForAnother]

I don't know if you want critiques, and by all means I am not a good poet myself...

 

But here is my critique:

 

I loved the ideas in the poem... however the execution isn't as successful. If you take the general idea of it "tell me I am worthless so I don't have to doubt my worthlessness" and kind of make a flow of it, I think it could be A LOT more powerful than it already is.

 

-ForAnother

[Outcast-Angel]

I don't know if you want critiques, and by all means I am not a good poet myself...

 

But here is my critique:

 

I loved the ideas in the poem... however the execution isn't as successful. If you take the general idea of it "tell me I am worthless so I don't have to doubt my worthlessness" and kind of make a flow of it, I think it could be A LOT more powerful than it already is.

 

-ForAnother

 

critique is always welcome and appreciated.. thank you. i agree, i have trouble with the flow sometimes... any other pointer would be muchly appreciated^_^