age and commitment

[knicksfan]

outta curiosity, at would age do most ppl, girls in particular, start looking for more serious and committed relationships? i'm 23 and every long-term relationship i know of from college has ended except for one (couple got engaged).

 

i'm not sure if it's a coincidence or not, but in 90% of the cases it was the girl doing the dumping too. anyway, i ask bc i prefer relationships with the potential to go somewhere rather than the random hookup or casual date. i also live in a big city where it seems like ppl don't want to settle down until they're a lot older.

[antigravity]

I'm 22, and I think i'm too young for a serious relationship..

 

That said, I've just come out of a 5yr relationship, and now I'm realising how many people there are out there to enjoy and experience.

 

You can't do that in a serious relationship. I definitely want a serious relationship, but not now... Maybe in my mid-late 20's.

 

Yes I agree alot of 'high school' relationships tend to end when people are in their early 20's... And i've noticed that most of the time, it's the female doing the breaking up. I think this is because a lot of the time, men get too complacent and content with the situation.

[Confused1981]

i think it depens on the individual but both man and the women should have had some kinda fun and enjoyed there own time for a while, if i had to put an age on it i wud say 24 was a good age to meet some1!!!

[healinginnyc81]

I just got dumped by my college gf of 2.5 years and I agree that it is better to date around and not be looking for something serious. Let it happen when it does. By dating different people even if you don't expect anything at least you will have a lot of fun, meet cool people, and get to know what personality types you are more compatible with and what you really want in a relationship.

[trishcollins]

At 45, I know I am a completely different person than I was at 25 or even 35. I have a completely different outlook on life now then I did then. I was much more carefree in my 20's.

 

I do have friends that met and married their life partners in their early 20s, and have been happily married for 20+ years. It's rather unusal in this day and age, but it can happen. I think their are pros and cons for both situations.

 

When you are young, you are more adaptable, have less "responsibiliy" and tend to have a "clean slate" so both people in the relationship can grow together and learn about what they want together. The down side of this, is that during that growing process, we may in fact, grow apart, or realize that the person we are with really isn't the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with. People do change over time, and often grow apart.

 

When you are older 35+, I think you tend to have already established yourself as a person, know what you want and don't want, and have responsibilities that make you less "availalbe" for change and adapting, such as a career, children and a home. Although I think the advantage of being older, is you are less likely to repeat the mistakes of youth, you are also more cyncial and set in your ways, and tend to put up a wall. We also are much more demanding of what we want in a partner, which limits our options considerably, although quick frankly, I would rather be alone than be in a relationship with someone, just to "be" in a relationship.

 

I think late 20's and early 30s, after the college partying has died down, you know what you want, but haven't become so entrenched in your own life, that you still have the ability to meld in with someone else's life, is the ideal time to get into a serious relationship. Still young enough to be free and spontaneous, but old enough to have established the seeds of what you want.

 

I am not expert, those are just my opinions, but having been in this dating game for 30 years, I can see where there would be merit to what I am saying.

 

Still who knows, perhaps 60 is the ideal time to start a relationship

[octopus]

Hi,

 

I'm 24 and as independent as I am here in a foreign country, I was willing to settle in my relationship that ended 2 weeks ago. Actually when that relationship began, I felt that I really didn't want to date anymore but be in a stable relationship. I still do. On the other hand I know many 24 yr olds who want to date 10000 more people before they even think of settling. I don't know, I am so hurt that I can't even think straight anymore.

[trishcollins]

Part of the problem with youth, is you sometimes are willing to do anything to stay in a relationship, because you don't have the experience to know that there are other people out there, that you will get over the person, and that there will be more relationships in your future. Which is sometimes why we will do something rash (like move to another country), just to keep the relationship from ending.

 

On the other hand, when you are older you can become bitter (I try not to be), when you have had many relationships that have gone no where, and end up wondering why.

 

The main thing is to be honest with yourself. If doing something just to keep a relationship from ending, might make you resent the person in future, then perhaps it's not the best thing to do. I know I would have done ALMOST anything to save my last relationship, when my ex said the only way he could see us living together in the next five years, was for me to sell my farm, move my horses to a boarding stable and move into the suburbs with him and the kids, that was a showstopper for me. Living in the suburbs for me was not an option, just as moving to the country with his kids was not an option for him (they wouldn't leave their friends behind and I lived too far away from their schools and jobs). He didn't want to continue commuting the 100kms each way to see each other, although I was willing to do that. I had to wonder how much he really wanted to be with me if he wouldn't even commit to that. I think after 2 years of commuting, and one unsucessful attempt for us to buy a country house in his end of town and move in together, he was just too tired to go on. It did show me his real colours though.

 

I guess it's a double-edged sword. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.