Lil Punkin Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 I've been browsing the forum recently and am simply amazed at what I am seeing.... so many posters falling victim to the holiday trap........ The holidays bring out either the best or the worst in people...depending which side of the fence you're on. Those in happy stable relationships are all smiles...skipping down the aisles in the mall, looking for that PERFECT gift for their PERFECT mate ....ok I am being facetious, but you get the point. The other side of the fence is the hearbroken, the rejected and the lonely...looking toward the holidays with heavy hearts, gloom and despair. So they log onto Enotalone...looking for solace and any kind of positive advice that just may bring their lost loves back. It IS Christmas/New Years after all...we are entitled to have them back...right? So we somehow justify in our minds that it is ok to toss caution to the wind..and give up all that hard work, all those months we have tried SO hard to be strong....to contact those who drove us here to begin with. What I am saying here is that using the holidays as an excuse to contact an ex you are trying to get over...is just that...AN EXCUSE. Ok...so you contact them on Xmas...then New Year. Then whats next? The MOST romantic holiday of the year..Valentines Day!!! Oh my..what to do then?? When do the excuses stop? Moving on is hard enough without having Hallmark moments rubbed in our faces. It is up to US to be strong because our ex'es are not going to do it FOR us.... I am just as suceptible to this as anyone else..but I KNOW a times like this it is easy to fall prey to this "excuse trap'...Don't do it! In fact if anything be EXTRA strong because of it....we all need EXTRA support, and EXTRA caring in these times..but we CAN get through it...and with any luck the next holiday will NOT be spent sitting at a monitor, but with someone you love and cherish. Happy Holidays..be strong everyone ! Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 EXCELLENT POST PUNKIN!!! I've been thinking the exact same thing. I've been thinking of it as an excuse to feel okay about wallowing in self pity and to have what you think is a valid reason to take a break from the very hard task of moving on. Sure there may be special memories you've shared with a lost love during the holidays. If you love them as much as you feel you do now that they're gone, EVERYDAY was special with wonderful memories. I have to go with Punkin here and say, "DON'T ALLOW THE HOLIDAYS TO SERVE AS AN EXCUSE TO RELAPSE!!!" Be strong, and come January 3rd, 4th, 5th, and so on, you will feel all the better about yourself for being so strong! Link to comment
Juha Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 I am not even thinking of the next two weeks as holidays... I am treating them as just any other day...They really don't matter to me at all this year... The more I can put it out of my mind the better... Today is my birthday and my ex-wife called to say happy birthday, it was nice and unexpected but did not phase me much... The person I love and care about more than anyone in the world, the person I would die for, the person I was there for always treats me like I do not exist anymore... I can feel the anger today... Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 Happy birthday Juha!! Link to comment
healinginnyc81 Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 Thank you for being straight with us. You're right, I am going to make sure that during any holiday I won't contact her. Of course, I will also not be contacting her any other time but especially during the holidays. Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 Just out of curiosity...what is everyone giving THEMSELVES for christmas?? I'm giving myself a well deserved and much needed VACATION from the ex!! Link to comment
Lil Punkin Posted December 20, 2005 Author Share Posted December 20, 2005 Hahaha Keefy....I'm buying myself a new rubber ducky to play with...lol Link to comment
Juha Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 Thanks Keefy!!! I won't be contacting her at all... I gave myself a tattoo, some new clothes, and a ring... Really wanted some snow today, oh well... Link to comment
scorchio Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 great post, can I ask, do you think by us continuing to be strong at xmas and new year could be more of a surprise to our ex's that we havent crumbled make them think a bit deep down .......... you never know !!! heres keeping strong .............. maybe one day our ex's maybe typing or thinking exactly the same ...... Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 What I am saying here is that using the holidays as an excuse to contact an ex you are trying to get over...is just that...AN EXCUSE. Ok...so you contact them on Xmas...then New Year. Then whats next? The MOST romantic holiday of the year..Valentines Day!!! Oh my..what to do then?? Great post Lil Punkin. I've especially noticed the great temptation there is for the heartbroken to use the holidays as an "excuse" to break NC and to contact the ex. I think in most cases, breaking NC under these nostalgic circumstances will just make the person feel worse, not better. Stay strong everyone! Use the holiday as an excuse to pamper yourself and turn a new page in your lives. All the best, BellaDonna Link to comment
Juha Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 Truthfully, I don't think the dumper really cares or gives a crap about you at the holidays... Example my ex wife called me today to wish me a happy birthday and she lives in another country, I know she still cares...My ex g/f who I would/have done anything for and have been there whenever she needed someone either does not remember or does not care anymore, she does not call... If they did they would call... NC is good for you but do or should we think it even matters to the ex??? Mine thinks I hate her, so I see she has done zero thinking about anything... She should know I love her more than anyone in the world but thinks I hate her and feels bad I don't contact... Until she actually can call me and not text me then she won't be getting a word from me no matter how much it kills me...If you can pick up the phone to send a gutless, nothing text message you can call, that is unless you are a coward with her emotions like she is... Link to comment
ocrob Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 LilPunkin, that was a very insightful post. It's weird because the holidays have not really affected me. It seems that since I have gone NC, I just miss her, but I don't feel depressed every single day. It is so cool to hear all of you are doing so well. When you read other posts, you just realize you have to get your stuff together. Yes, that was for the moderators. lol I am dreading my birthday though. It is January 3rd and has always been a pretty blah day. It just comes too close to the holidays. My birthday is never a special occasion and I am used to that. I am just hoping the ex does not e-mail me or call. I don't want to see her name or hear her voice. It's like being a heroin addict and trying to stay away from the needle. lol I am so happy to see people be strong. NC seems to be a goal that I am good at sticking with. I can't wait till I no longer think about her. It's ok to love and respect and appreciate your ex, but it is so nice to not think about them. I used to think about her the second I woke up in the morning and through out the day. Now, I think about her a few times a day for a short time. I have been thinking alot about my new female friend. She is really sweet and I look forward to seeing her. Link to comment
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