whats wrong with me?

[Dogg]

I do not know whats wrong with me. I have been having fun, I have been hanging out with this new girl who really likes me, but today I can't stop thinking about my ex. I wonder what she is doing, if she is thinking of me. i have not had any contact from her since the text she sent me thanking me for the birthday card that I sent her (dec. 8) other than that, nothing. after three years, nothing....i do not know what to do. i know that I can do nothing, but I really miss her. I have not had a day like this in a long time, but today it just hit me like a ton of bricks and my whole chest hurts. I wonder if she is dating someone or if she has. I wonder what she thinks and if she thinks about me or us at all. why has she not even attempted to contact, could it be that I did not respond to her text thanking me? should I send her a text just saying "thinking of you"? probably not right.....I am liek dying inside right now, and all this came out of nowhere today....

[lonelyfish]

You have to realize that even though you may be feeling great for sometime you are more than likely to have a relapse every now and then and think about you ex and feel so confused, miss her, and wonder if she's thinking of you. It's perfectly normal, we all go through it. Don't let it stop you from moving on (though you may want her back), you are doing great. No matter what do not try to contact her again. Your in a good postion now to level the playing field with your ex, to be the strong one. Let her make the next move to contact you from now on.

[kellbell]

Hey Dogg!

 

You are going to have days like that. It's completely normal and more so during the holidays. I think you have made remarkable progress. Hang in there okay?

[PocoDiablo]

I occasionally do the same thing about my ex's, from over 20 years ago. I think this is normal and natural. Just take a deep breath and realize that they are probably happy and just think good thoughts for them.

[Dogg]

I am reeling yet again. I feel that after taking so many good steps in the write direction, that I have almost leaped back to where I was and I do not know why. My ex has not contacted me, nor have I contcated her. I sent her a birthday card on her birthday, the 8th of december and I received a text in return thanking me for the card. I did not repsond. that was it. I have been hanging out wioth this girl and having a great time, she is really into me, I like being with her, but she is not my ex. yesterday I felt like dog Sh*t all day for some reason and I could not get my ex out of my head and today it is the same. what is really bothering me though, is the thought that my ex may never want to get back with me because I have began seeing someone new and that we have kissed and slept together (not normal for me, nice and fun, but now I feel like crap) I know that I am jumping to conclusions on this because she may never call or contact me, but I feel so guilty all of a sudden and I do not know why. I feel like I cheated on her, and I never have done that to anyone before so I can only imagine that this is the way that it would feel. I am getting these strange urges to contact her just to say hello and hear her voice, but I know that I have nothing to say. I just don't know what to do. I really miss her so much all over again, and I wonder if she misses me at all, or what is goign through her mind for that matter. Is there any way that I can find this out? probably not right....man, I just want to talk to her......I think I'm losing it all over again for no reason. WHY????????????

[Dogg]

I also feel like even though technically I have done nothing wrong in seeing this new girl and even sleeping with her, that if my ex ever found out, she would write me off completely and never speak to me again ever. I thiknk that she would be so hurt and angry that any thought that she may have had of ever rcconciling anythingwould be out the window forever. this really scares me and for no reason because I have no eveidence that this will ever happen, but this is what I have been thinking. I know its stupid and I know its wrong, but I do still love her so much even though we have had no contact. I feel like I let her down and hurt her and that if it ever came down to it, that I would have to lie to her and never mention anything about this ever in fear of lsing her forver....I'm pathetic.....

[healinginnyc81]

Hey Dogg, don't ever feel pathetic for having these feelings. I'm two weeks into my breakup and i still feel depressed all day.

I've heard from everyone who's been through this that overcoming this feeling is not a steady climb upwards but more like an up and down, up and down process. But the ups will last longer and be stronger as time goes on. You will have these days or even weeks where you'll relapse - keep in mind that it doesn't mean your progress wasn't real. You have made so much progress don't forget that and keep going, just recognize that there will be downturns every now and then.

 

And as far as feeling bad about being with another girl, I don't think that's going to change your ex's opinion of you, at least not for the worse. All it says is that you have moved on with your life. I think the best thing is to think about whether you are really happy with the new girl or whether you are really hoping to get back to your ex.

[Dogg]

I think that I am losing it. again, I find myself inventing situations that involve my ex. for instance, I was getting pains in my chest earlier today when i thought of what she would say and do when if she ever asked me what I had been doing and if I told her that I had been seeing someone and that I had slept with that person. I think that she would never talk to me again and that it would be totally over for ever and ever. then I thnk about the fact that right now it is totally over and that she has not even tried to contact me at all anyway. why do I still feel so guilty? It has come to the point (which is totally ridiculous) that I feel that this other girl is wanting a relartionship and a commitment from me that I do not think that I can give because of all the thoughts that I still have and the utter love and devotion that I still have fro my ex. She (ohter girl) thinks that i am being distant and withdrawn (keep in mind we have only been hanging out for a week) that she is beginning to get all freaked out and she is saying some pretty crazy things. anyway, I do not ant to lose a great opportunity with her, but at the same time, I think that she is moving way to fast and expecting to much or at least more than I can give right now. I am just lost, I do not want to lose thins opportunity, nor do I want to possibly mess anything up that may ever happen between me and my ex as ridiculous as that sounds. I am lost, confused, heartbroken all over again and all for no reason. Why am I doing this to myself and worrying about the opinions of a girl that threw me away and told me that she does not want tto be with me anymore? Why do I care what she thinks? I do nnot know, but it scares me to death....I wish that I could just talk to her and see where she stands with everything....I know thats retarted to say the least!

[Lady Bugg]

Hi Dogg...

 

It sounds like you've moved way too fast with this other girl. As someone who has been in her shoes, I can tell you it is very hurtful to be involved with someone or like someone ...especially if you have slept with them (albeit too soon, but what's done is done) and for that person to suddenly turn cold...or "distant". If you can talk to her calmly about your situation..and be honest with her...that might help a little. She is probably taking things very personally right now. Don't be a "dog" to her. She deserves an explanation..even if you tell her things are moving too fast and that you ARE still having feelings for your ex. Tell her it is NOT about her, and that you need some time. Ask her to respect that. See what happens...take a step back and evaluate what you want.You may decide you DO like this other girl..but you need to take time to get over your other relationship. I cannot give you advice on your ex..mainly because as of right NOW..she IS out of the picture and may not come back. Deal with the situation at hand...and go from there..

 

Hope things work out for you.

[healinginnyc81]

I agree with Lady Bugg, you don't want to hurt this other girl. Let her know how you feel. Maybe you need time to be alone and properly heal from the breakup and get over your ex before continuing a relationship.

 

Don't worry about losing the other girl. You will not be able to keep her if you continue the relationship as is without truly being over your ex. If you take your time you actually have a better chance to get over the ex and be happier with your new gf.

[Dogg]

I do not think that I explained myself clearly enough with whats going on. I have in no way shape or form given this new girl any reason to think that anything is the matter with me at all, she knows about my past relationship and how it just ended 2 months ago. she sys that she does not want to rush things and that she understands where I am coming from and that she too just wants to enjoy "getting to know each other" but then she also says things that seem to go comletely against this statement. for example: I got to work at 7:30 thihs morning and she began texting me, I have received 30 texts from her so far today they read as follows....keep in mind that we spoke on the phone last night at 11:00 and nothing was wrong at all.

her - Morning, are u mad at me

me - no why

her - just had a feeling u were gettin sick of me. if you want we could spend time apart like not hang out as much, your call

me - where is all this coming from?

her - just thought that I was getting on your nerves. I am just starting to get back on my feet so I feel bad that I have no car and stuff, I know it bothers u

me - again I'll say that if there was something bothering me you would know about it, I know that u are getting back on your feet.

her - I was just saying that u seem a bit distant thats all. No problem here

me - I am just really really tired and trying to sort out alot of things in my own head. I like haging out with you although at times I do feel as though things are moving along faster than I expected. I just want to take things slow and as they come and I have said that to you before so this should be nothing new to you

her - oh my god, I am not rushing things, I think that we should stop having sex. (meanwhile we had sex twice)

me - huh?

her - and it is good then that I won't see you this weekend so u don't think that we r moving 2 fast

me - this is just all new to me because you are the first person whom I like and have spent time with in a really long time

her - I understand hun, take all the time and space that you need

me - I hope that you know that i do like you and care about you and that kinda scares me but in a good way. I guess I may have some issues...

me - I hope that you do not hate me now cause I truly do see good things for us, right now its just going to fast and so soon. I just need to get a lot of things straight in my own head before I can fully give myself to you I guess. I hope that you are stil;l gonna come with all of us for new years.

her - No I don't hate you I'm just confused and I have to think about new years

me - why are you confused?

her - about what u want and what I want I guess

me - Well how do you think that I feel when I have all of these strange new emotions flooding over me about someone I just met a week ago. it scares me

her - it is for me to babe. I never cared about someone like I do you and I always feel like I am gonna throw up.

me - WHAT????

her - You just make me feel things that i have never felt before...

me - well what are you say9ing and what do you want?

her - I don't really know babe, I know that I want you but I am just so scared that you are gonna hurt me. I have trouble getting close.

me - well, apparently I am too even though I do really like spending time with you and I do enjoy your company I just have knots in my stomach always...

her - ok

me - so what now? I don't like where I think this is headed...

her - and where do you htink this is headed?

me - I'm not exactly sure, but I do not want to stop seeing you, I just want to take things as they come and I do not think that you can do that right now...

her - I don't want anything... I just think that u r never gonna want us to be a couple in the future. I think that since we are not seeing anyone else, and that we are having sex that you have everything that you want! maybe it is good that we will not see each other this weekend.

me - WHAT???? what are you talking about? Thats not whats this is abouot at all, I don't care about sex! Who is to say what will happen in the future, but come on, we have known each other for a WEEK!!!!

me - I think I'm f*cken losing it!!!!!!!

her - losing what??? You don't think that you are being distant, I do! I have never had these feeliungs for aomeone before this fast and I'm like freaking out!

me - you!!!! I like being with you and hanging out with you. you are the first person I have hung out with asside from my boys since me and my ex. If anything, I think that you are the one pushing things and then pullng away for whatever reason while I'm just trying to roll with the punches and take things as they come and see how things will pan out.

her - But I feel so comefortable with you, I feel likel I have known you forever! I have told you things that I have never told many poeple in the past. do ytou think that I don't care for you hun? I am not rushing to be your girlfriend, I just do not want to waste my time, I don't think that I am with you though. I guess I'm just nervous

me - I don't even know whats going on anymore here! I think I'm truly losing it!!!!ha ha ha

me - I am nervous to and I don't know what to say to you anymore. All I want is for us to take things as they come. Neither of us should be feeling this pressure!

her - I know, I'm sorry babe

her - well I am just so overwhelmed with feelings now good n bad. I mean I do want to continue things with you but I need to protect myself because I have a feeling that we are not goign to make it.

me - What the hell are you talking about???????

her - I hope things do work out don't get me wrong I just have bad luck thats all ha ha ha!

me - I don't kow what to say anymore. I didn't mean to be "distant" I'm just not used to this nor did I expect it.

her - OK I guess I'll just talk to you later when your not too busy.

me - I just want to stop freaking out and for you to do the same and to just relax and enjoy the ride with whatever happens with us without the pressure.

her - I'm not freaking out, just protecting myself

me - well your freaking me out!!!!!!! there is no reason for all this!

her - how am I doing that? all I started saying was asking if you were mad thats it. fine lets just end it!

me - I was never mad!!! I just hate all this drama, I don't need this!!! I hope you mean end this talk!

her Yes end this conversation...

me - thats the best news I have heard all day!!!!!

 

sorry for that everyone, that has been how my day is going. Actually it felt really good to get that all out!!!! all that is word for word what was said between us today!!!! It took so long for me to get all that out and to continue looking at the phone to copy the messages, I forgot why I was posting to begin with.....I need a nap, aqnd a beer ha ha ha!

 

All I know is that I do miss my ex, but I have been doing better asside from today and yesterday. I wish that I could talk to her, but I know that I really have nothing to say, I just wish that I could get a clue as to what she is thinking about, doing, etc.....and whether it is about me! I may never ever know those answers....

[Lady Bugg]

Ok Dogg...calm down.

 

Your current g/f is terrified that you're using her...to get over your ex. You have to understand this. She realzes things are going too fast..this IS a good thing. She is scared you're going to dismiss her...hence her feeling like she's going to throw up. I have felt ths way before about someone and it sucks.

 

I think you are handling things well..BUT this converstion needs to take place in person..NOT in a text. It is too easy to take thngs the wrong way. You need to first....be the one to ask her to meet you and sit her down ..and look her in the face when you talk to her. Be sincere.This is how a mature person handles these situations. It is EASY to run scared....but please don't do that. You will be adding drama on top of drama. Treat this girl with the dignity and respect she deserves. It sounds like she IS trying to be understanding..but she is scared of being the "rebound" girl. If she says she thinks you should stop sleeping together for now...then you need to respect that. Having sex too soon always clouds your judgement...you guys went to stage 3 or 4 before even finishing stage 1...getting to know each other.

 

Back tracking is hard..but it can be done. You have to be honest...and open.

Doing this is the respectful thing to do..YOU will feel better..and so will she. You won't feel like a chump for "dogging" her..and she will have much more respect for you for being a man about it..and not running out on her.

 

Hope this helps some..

[Dogg]

another thing that I was thinking which may be an underlying problem that was affecting my subconscious is that tomorrow would have been my ex and I anniversary, 12/20. Now I know that her email still is "ex's email removed" I do not think that she has changed it. I just had a thought that maybe I should send her an email just simply saying "happy would be anniversary, thinking of you..." I know what the respnses to that from everyone will probably be, NO NO NO NO!!!!!!! but, what if doing somehting liek that helps to stir up the memories in her and makes her feel again? I just feel like she has forgotten about me and about us and it really worries me and scares me because again, I do have this new girl on my jock (I know thats terrible to say) but like I said, she is not my ex! woe is me? I feel like a huge loser alll over again!

[Dogg]

thnxs lady bug, I know, I know, I know, but i think that the first thing that I need to do is to stop being a P*ssy and figure out what is goign on with my ex and my head!!!!! by the way, this new gilr is NOT my "girlfriend"!!!!!!!!! I just want to call the ex and talk to her about things, see what she has been up to, not so mych talk about the relationship, or antyhing ike that, but just try to gage her voice and tone try to see if I can get anything out of her at all in that aspect!! I know that this is a ridiculous thought, but I probably won't do it or anything for that matter. again, I just wonder why she doe snot talk to me or contact me anymore.....

[Lady Bugg]

Dogg,

 

I agree you need to "air your head out". Maybe you need to try to fix things with your ex..or find out she is done for good...but either way..you need to do the right thing with the current girl and NOT keep her hanging. She deserves to know where she stands..because she obviously was under the impression it was going somewhere. Having instant chemistry with someone is NOT something that happens often and this sounds like this is what happened with you two. So she is probably JUST as confused as you are.

 

Whatever you decide...don't string this girl along. It's unfair. If you want to "see what can happen with your ex"...tell her that so she can move on properly. You very well may lose out an opportunity with this girl, but thats the chance you have to take sometimes...but you can't expect her to wait around in order to find out if your ex may or may not want you back.

 

I hope you do the right thing regarding all parties involved.

[Dogg]

how am i to know what will happen with my ex if I do NC? that is my major dilema! I'm also thinking that again, this is all coming out because it is our anniversary tomorrow, or it would have been. I don't know what to do. I'm thinking that my ex wants nothing to do with me because we have not talked in so long and it has been nearly 2 months since I last saw her face in person. i just don't know. i would never forgive myself if I did something and then when she wanted to come back and then she found out and it was over then. I know that I am being an idiot and creating situations that do not even exist in reality but i'm confused. I do liek this other girl and I do not want to mess things up with her, but I do not think that it is me that is moving to fast, i think that it is her. i feel that I have made it very clear that I just want to take things as they come and I feel that she is the one that is pushing and pushing and then pulling away at the same time. is there any logical way that i would be able to gage the "state" of my ex wihtout being an idiot about it? maybe i should just let this all go..... and see what happens with the new girl and hope that my feelings for my ex go away and that they did just arrise due to the holidays and the fact that tomorrow is our or would have been our anniversary. god I hope so!

[Dogg]

if your would like a much more in depth descriotion of my ongoing agony and then rise back to power only to again crumble, read my other posts, if nothing else you sure as hell will be entertained...

[Dogg]

just one more thing, this new girl does know about my ex and how the relationship just ended recently. she does not know how much I love and care for this evil witch that ripped out my heart though. maybe, its just me hanging on to hope that is totally unrealistic, i don't know, but I do know that my ex has not even remotly thrown me any bones at all so maybe I'm just reeling over nothing in my own mind because of the time of year. I really don't know. I think that I have been more than fair to this new girl, i told her that i want and need to take things slow more than once or twice. i am repeating myself and I'm sorry! I want to die right now!!!!

[Lady Bugg]

Hey Dogg,

 

This is a very trying time of year. i can understand you feeling this way right now. You really don't owe the current girl anything, this is true. If you have been completely honest with her that is great. What she most likely be hurt about is if you DO decide to call things off to try getting back with your ex...HOWEVER...since it's so new it's best to this NOW than later.

 

Truthfully, I think you need to get your ex OUT of your sysytem before proceeding with this girl..otherwise you are not giving it a fair shot. That might mean you won't see this girl again for a few months..but again, thats a chance you take. Whether you get back with your ex....or you don't you need to deal with your feelings about it before attempting to "date" again..because it is thse kind of issues that make it difficult to move forward.

 

I read all your other posts..and you definetly moved to fast with this girl.

Slow down and back up......take some time for yourself...you need it. The go from there.

[Dogg]

what should I do about the ex though? should I try to make contact with her just for the sake of making contact? this is where I fail to understand what to do? how would this work, I'm thinking that if she wanted anything then she would have contacted me, yet she hasn't at all asside from the last text that she sent when I got her the birthday card. nothing more, not even a courtesy call! maybe that means that I should not call her or contact her and just do my best to get through the holidays and move foreward with things....I don't know, I'm going out with some frineds so we shall see tomorrow!

[AC874]

No contact.

 

not a peep!

[Lady Bugg]

Dogg,

 

Do the math. What has she done equaled to what YOU'VE done? I think you know the answer..and only YOU can do what's right for you. Sometimes we have to keep hitting a brick wall before we realize what we're doing is NOT working....some people just happen to get smart a lot faster than others.

Maybe you're the type who has to try every possible avenue before giving up. Other people would have given up the first time she broke it off....it is a very personal decision. Simply put..I cannot TELL you what to do..only YOU know that answer.The only REAL advice I can give is the same I give to everyone including myself...don't do anything that compromises your self esteem or self worth. NO ONE is worth that. period.

 

You sound like a good guy with good intentions...you are just in ahard spot right now. You also sound like you have a lot of potential to do good things....please don't let this one disappointment set you back or make you jaded to future relationships. It is SO easy to get in that mindset. Look at this as a true blessing....a learning experience. You have the opportunity to use this as a positive thing..IF you are willing to do do that....

[Dogg]

well, today is the day, our "would be anniversary". I am thinking about laying on thew line once and for all. Putting all of my feelings out there in a nicely written email.

 

I will more or less state that since I hav the feeling that she just does not care anymore, and since she has not had any contact with me in however long, that this would be a good time to say that I have done all that I can to show her that I love her and how much she means to me, up to and including giving her her space when she asked for it. I will let her know that I have been thinking of her a lot, but at the same time I have been moving on. I am just giving this one more shot, on the day that started it all. I miss her and that I love her and always will but that I can not go on holding on to hope that is apparently getting me nowhere. today has always meant a lot to me, and I know now that it always will no matter what. I want you (her) to have a very good christmas and a happy new year and know that she will be in my heart throughout.

 

that is basically it. I have tears in my eyes after just writing this to you all. fi nayone has anything to add, suggest or correct I am all ears. also, any suggestions as to things to say otherwise or things to wriet or how to write them would be much appreciated as well. I ma not sure whether or not I will actually do this or write this, but I have come to the point in which I more or less need to know for myself whether or not to fully give up hope of ever getting her back in my life. I know that in many ways, her lack of contact with me speaks volumes and the things that she stated in the beginning of our breakup should be enough, but maybe I am just a glutten for punishment and need one last final kick in the nuts to set me straight. I will say that I have not been sleeping well since sunday, adn that this is one of the hardest days that I have had in a while for whatever reason. My chest is tight, my heart is broken, but at the same time, I feel nothing....but pure emptyness. Dave, my christmas wish fi I had to choose just one, would be to have noone ever have to go through the pain and agony of loving someone so deeply that apparently doe snot love you in return.

 

If anyone at all has something in mind that may better hlp to express my feeliungs in such a way that would still leave the door open, I wuld really appreciate it! one love!

[healinginnyc81]

I have to say, I don't think it's a good idea to email her. I tried to make a last effort to talk to my ex gf about whether she was willing to give us a chance. I also asked about what problems there were in the relationship

 

She couldn't give any logical answers, just that she didn't feel the same about me. It's about feelings not logic, so trying to explain how you feel probably won't help the situation. You say that you can't keep holding on to hope that is getting you nowhere and so you think that by writing this and her telling you that she doesn't want to get back together, you will be able to move on.

My ex told me there was no hope of us getting back together but that she wants to be friends. Yet, I can't help but still have hope that we'll be back together. Again it's a matter of feelings not logic. I still FEEL that she was perfect for me and she feels different.

You have to do what you think is right but I really think it may be better for you if you didn't contact her anymore. She has already told you how she feels and I'm sure she knows how you feel, now she needs her space to really think about it. Don't push her. Just try hard to think about the things that you need to work on for yourself.