The Game by Neil Strauss

[ncallum]

Has anyone ever read this? Saw it in Walmart yesterday and thought it may help me with my incurable shyness and fear of women.

 

Can anyone reccommend it?

[whitefang]

I haven't read it myself, but it definitely sounds like a book could use, since im not the best when it comes too the "Dating Game"

[Indirect]

I just don't understand why people even bother reading a book by a guy who also written books with "Marilyn Manson, Motley Crue, Dave Navarro, and Jenna Jameson"? Oh please, give me a break. Do you want to know someone or you want to act like a pimp? Hey, if your thing is to treat women like an object go for it. This book is probably just a cheap imitation of yet another How-To-Get-ANY-Women-To-Sleep-With-You. It's about some guy's findings on online dating for god sake. Meaning: How to lie. As long as you have a good heart and not an ill-willed person, you'll find someone eventually. What I am trying to say is, I respect your attempts to improve your social skills, but these sort of books are not the answers. The key is inside you.

[annie24]

Like all dating books, take it with a grain of salt. I myself own maybe 10 dating books. I don't agree with everyone 100%. But, each one has some interesting insights. But, it's worth reading it, maybe highlighting the paragraphs you agree with, discarding the rest. Or, just give it a try for 2 months or something. I've done that myself, where I say, "ok - I will follow the suggestions in this book for 4 months, and if I don't like the results, I will stop."

[Shajenko]

It's not actually a dating advice book at all. It's an autobiography, detailing his foray into a subculture dealing with picking women up. And he doesn't actually put it in that great a light.

[ShySoul]

Reason to never take these things seriously:

 

Competition amongst the experts is fierce in this community since many of the masters make their living from delivering seduction workshops that earn as much as $2200 per person for a three day seminar.

 

It is about making money. It is an excuse for you to put down your hard earn money on tips that are either wrong or simple common sense. Save yourself the trouble and follow your heart for free. Or ask people on this site for free.

 

Dating is not a game. It does not have rules that guarantee success. People just try to make it into a game. That often makes matters more complicated then it needs to be. You want the simple tips you need to know? You probably already know them.

 

1. Be yourself. Who want to go out with a phony? Who wants to go out with someone that doesn't believe in themselves enough to just be who they are and has to put on a fake exterior? And don't you want to find someone who will appreciate you for you, not for the tricks or techniques you used?

 

2. Be respectful and nice. This is simple common courtesy. Do onto others as you would have them do onto you. If you want someone to treat you well, treat them well.

 

3. Believe in yourself. Perception is reality. If you tell yourself that you can never have anything or anyone, you will find a way to make that so. But if you believe that it will happen one day when it is right, then you will naturally be confident and attract people.

 

4. Don't play games. A relationship needs honesty to work. Game playing is all about manipulation, which is the exact opposite of honesty. All it is going to do is cause headaches, and have people running in circles instead of moving forward.

 

5. Listen to the other person and be honest about how you feel. People will tell you what they want from you, you just have to listen to them. All to often I see books and guys saying to not believe a women cause they won't tell you the truth. Geez, thats a smart thing to say guys. Also don't hide your feelings, follow your heart and go for things.

 

6. Communication. Vital. If there is a problem, talk about it and deal with it. Handle it when it is small before it gets too big. Compromise.

 

7. Relax and have fun. Don't put pressure on yourself to make it work. Don't think that you have to be going out and getting as many dates as possible. It is not a race and it is not a contest. Would you rather have a handful of dates in a lifetime and one leads to true love that lasts forever, or a hundred dates and the majority being wastes of time that lead nowhere and made you want to tear your hair out?

 

8. (My bonus tip for those ahead of the curve ) Know what you want before hand. If you already know the kind of person you want to be with, you can save yourself a lot of needless dates with people who clearly are not going to be compatible with you.

 

And also, don't worry about dating. Life will bring you opportunites when the time is right. There is no need to go out and hunt for dates or read books on how to get them. They will come to you, you just have to be ready to seize the moment when they do.

[Shajenko]

And also, don't worry about dating. Life will bring you opportunites when the time is right. There is no need to go out and hunt for dates or read books on how to get them. They will come to you, you just have to be ready to seize the moment when they do.

Tell that to a guy who's 40 and still waiting for that time to come. I've spoken to them, and I dare you to tell one of them this to his face.

[ShySoul]

Tell that to a guy who's 40 and still waiting for that time to come. I've spoken to them, and I dare you to tell one of them this to his face.

 

I'd be happy to. I might tweak a few things here and there, but the message will be the same. Does it matter if true love happens when we are 25 or 52? When it does happen, it won't matter how long we will have wanted, it'll be just as sweet, maybe even sweeter for the wait.

 

The key thing is to not get down on yourself about not having it. These people who feel overly depressed when they are older without a relationship, its because they put too much emphasis and pressure on getting that. They spend time belittling themselves and feeling down about it, so that they are not emotionally ready for something should it come there way and they are more likely to miss out on opportunities that stare them right in the face.

 

You know, a part of me wants to end up 40 without that relationship. I'll be the real 40 year old virgin. And I guarantee you, I'll carry the same attitude I hold today.

[ocrob]

I am not a big reader and am learning that reading is a great thing. You don't have to agree with the author, but just reading is good for your verbal skills. Getting a book published is not exactly easy. So I am assuming that this person can write well. You don't have to take their advice, but you can admire their skill for writing. Who knows what you will get out of it, but if you enjoy the reading, then that is good.

[ShySoul]

Yes, reading is good. thereforeeee, read something that is of more interest and is probably of higher literary value. There are all kinds of classics out there waiting to be discovered that you can learn just as much from.

[melrich]

I'd read it too. As Ocrob says, reading is a great way to learn and as Annie says, you may pick up little bits and pieces here and there.

 

But don't expect miracles. If you are incredibly shy with the girls you may have to seek more help than reading books about the subject of girls.

 

Maybe look into some classes or one on one assistance with overcoming shyness.

 

It's not easy but you will get better at it the more you expose yourself to meeting girls and interacting with them. All men are petrified at first. (generalisation I know but I'm guessing it's close).

[ShySoul]

Shyness is not a problem. It is not something to overcome. It is a natural extension of who we are as people. Everyone is shy in their own way. The problem is not in being shy, it is in believing the stigma attached to being shy, that it is something we should fear and dread at all costs. Do not believe the hype. Instead, embrace ever facet of who you are. Being shy is cool. It is a great thing. Shy people are great people and once they accept there shyness instead of trying to fight it, life becomes a lot easier.

 

Books like that are attempts to make money by telling people what they already know or what they want to hear. Why spend money when your own brain can tell you the same thing?

[melrich]

Saw it in Walmart yesterday and thought it may help me with my incurable shyness and fear of women.

 

Well unfortunately for ncallum, it is for him.

 

There is nothing wrong with trying to address things about yourself that you feel are an issue and learning, through reading or further education is a great way to do that.

 

But sure, there are some people happy being shy and happy with their own knowledge base.

[ShySoul]

I find the best way to deal with something you feel is an issue is to look within yourself and see if it is really a problem or if you are making it more of a problem then it needs to be. People already know the issues to most of life's problems, they just don't think they know it. This causes them to seek out help for things they don't really need help for.

 

And I just question all these "self help" books. One, is it really self help when you have someone telling you what to do? Isn't self helping about helping yourself without the aid of another? Two, why profit off of others like this? If you really want to help, do it out of the kindness of your heart, not to make money.

 

And if you really want to, you can find the same information for free. The internet is an amazing thing. Or post on her and be told the same information, both good and bad, for free.

[annie24]

 

 

Hmmm..... This book has a lot of people who have reviewed it on link removed. 208!!!!! It seems to be controversial, which is good. Books that make you think and books that invite this type of debate are good to read.

 

I think I may out and get it myself!!!

[Shajenko]

I'd be happy to. I might tweak a few things here and there, but the message will be the same. Does it matter if true love happens when we are 25 or 52? When it does happen, it won't matter how long we will have wanted, it'll be just as sweet, maybe even sweeter for the wait.

 

 

Or, like with most people, it will never happen. True love is a myth, not a promise.

 

In the real world, you can either hope that good things will happen to you, or you can take steps to make them happen.

 

The wiser course of action is the second.

[ShySoul]

Or, like with most people, it will never happen. True love is a myth, not a promise.

 

In the real world, you can either hope that good things will happen to you, or you can take steps to make them happen.

 

Cynical view to say true love never happens. Even if it doesn't, do you really want to believe that? Or do you want to believe that it can happen, that you can be sweep away in a magic and wonder unlike anything you will ever experience?

 

And I know true love can happen. I just heard from my sister today. She has a great relationship with her husband. And the look in her eyes when she is holding her 6 month old daughter...... that's love.

 

Yes, take steps. But what steps are you going to take? It doesn't have to be going out and doing something. It doesn't have to be buying a book and learning all these tips. The steps you should take come from within and have nothing to do with dating or relationships. It is about loving yourself and accepting you for you. It is about becoming comfortable with youself in the myrid of other things in life, taking steps to get them in order. And when you do, things will eventually work out for you in romance as well. I went from no experience and not even having a girl like me, to two girls loving me this year and others flirting up a storm. And it fell into my lap, I didn't have to go out and to anything or make it happen.