Office Holiday Party Woes

[Meesterjojo]

So today we had a lunch potluck/gift exchange at our office.

 

She chose to sit, of course, next to me. I didn't acknowledge her.

 

So everything is moving along, and I go to talk to a friend. Well her cell phone rings and hey-hey, its one of her 2 new sexy buddies. Sure, she can talk now, it's no problem. Of course she finally sees me and walks to the other end of the area where the potluck is going on.

 

I'm so mixed up right now- longing for something that can never be, hate/rage at her for putting me through this. When will the hurting stop? heh

 

Finally I just left and went back to my cubicle and got back to work.

 

How clueless does a person have to be not to realize that taking calls from lovers in front of your ex of 4 years is mean? Or for that matter, telling me out of the blue that she is going to sleep with someone, and just thought I ought to know "because we've been together 4 years".

 

It's like some kind of subconscious cruel/mean/childish game she's enjoying right now at my expense. I don't think she realises how much shes hurting me, and I certainly don't show it. I only show and act indifferent to her.

[blues_belter]

That is mean, inconsiderate and totally not necessary...Oooh, yes- I know exactly where you are coming from! Even though she's pushing your buttons, try not to let it look like it bothers you (in front of her). Meaning, if you see her- do not ignore her. Just smile or say hi - be nice as if there is no bad history there whatsoever. But that's it. If you are pissed or want to rant or cry - do it here or alone in your house. But in front of her be completely happy. I know you're hurt- but thhe best revenge is living well!

 

My ex and I are both musicians that still perform together in a regionally successful band. Been about 6 weeks of no contact. Just last Friday at a big show we were playing, he has the huevos to bring his new girlfriend backstage- basically MY SPACE. Now if she was just there to see the show, i'd have to learn to accept it but he brought her back just to get a reaction from me (he got none)! Of course it made me upset- but i went somewhere else to react. This girl, he had been secretly seeing a month before we broke up (he swore up and down it was not true- but now look!)

 

So, really, it is just immature behavior. If you were really adult and cared about the ex's feelings, you would keep your new relationships discreet and reveal very little. Hang in there.

[Meesterjojo]

Honestly I don't want to say HI to her. I'm not sure I want to get back with her anymore. I'm at some stage of confusion today, over this. How anyone can be so mean...it's all starting to hit me.

 

When we first broke up she explained, in a slightly sane moment, that she has a lot of rage and anger over me. I wonder if this is her way of acting on that rage and anger, and shes really not just being clueless.

 

Your ex sucks, I wouldn't want/take him back just on principle that he was dumb enough to bring his new g/f backstage knowing you might be upset. No tact.

 

My ex, after we broke up and I asked her not to tell me about people she dates, has sex with, etc. told me that I had some "right" to know because we were together 4 years, and that especially if she ever decides to get engaged or marry she wants me to hear it from her alone/first.

 

It's a game. I'm convienced. I hope she gets treated like crap, mentally abused, or in a relationship with some other sort of misfit. Maybe she'll go through the anguish she's putting me through... I think I'm entering some sort of "revenge" phase.

[keefy1972]

Maybe her phone call was staged to get a rise out of you? Seems like she would be one to play those stupid games.

[Meesterjojo]

Naw, don't think it was staged. She's actually a fairly intellegent person. She has some serious problems with handling rage and anger management which make her seem stupid, though.

 

I just found out some funny news: One of my friends here in the office knows someone at her Lover #1's office. Didn't tell him why, but asked him about the guy. Turns out he's the office Melvin (as in Melvin from Office Space). I mean, I knew (from her own words at least) that he was pugsly, shorter than her, and was emotionally retarded. But this just confirms it.

 

I'm not sure if I want to laugh or cry- I mean, she's boffing a guy lower than me. Usually you want/expect your ex to move on to something equal or better.

[SuperDuper]

Why should you think this? Take this as motivation to move on man, she basically is subconsiously showing you that you ARE better than this new guy, in a sense. Take it as a compliment.

 

She must not be too intelligent if she is willing to drop your relationship in order to be with pugsley there.

 

I have a question though, how did you know that she was talking to her "Lover" when the phone rang, couldn't it just be one of her friends?

[Meesterjojo]

She said His name. Heh. Easy deduction.

 

She only has one non-sexual male friend, and he works in the office with us.

 

You're right, of course. I kinda feel sorry for her in a sense, that she gave up all the good we had and what we could have been for some cheap thrills with someone she isn't interested in for anything other than "attention", to use her word.

[SuperDuper]

Alright I understand now.

I think the only way you're going to get 'untangled' by her.. if you are, is to constantly remind yourself of what she has done.. maybe even find yourself a new pretty lady to spend your time on.

 

She doesn't deserve anymore of your attention, whether it be direct, or indirect, she's still wasting your time each time you think about her.

 

The only way this is going to work, is tell yourself to not worry about what she's doing in 'other' relationships, because it's not your own. I don't mean this in a negative way, at all. I have felt what you feel in a sense,

how could they go from me, to him?

 

She's the only one the will know the real answer.. so don't worry about it.. the next time you should worry about her, is when she comes back to you and says "I made a mistake, we should try again".. until then, she should mean nothing to you, nor have the slightest impact on your life/thoughts.

[Meesterjojo]

Oh, easier said than done, I suppose...

 

Wounds are still too fresh. I'm so confused and mixed up at times: I miss her, I hate her for being so cruel, I wonder what could have been for better and worse...

 

I do feel one thing, very strongly though: regardless of why she left me (and I really feel the word abandoned is more apropos), it will be her loss in the end. I am more than worthy and deserving of her. I have a future which is wide open, I'm improving myself in many ways.

 

Oddly I don't feel lonely, and I suppose I should- this is the first time in my life I've ever had to live on my own. She broke up with me, then we moved apart in 1 month: radical life change for me. I feel like some "late bloomer", heh. I'm doing things now in life that I should have done 10 years ago, and am enjoying the discovery of it all.