The flaky girl I'd like to date.

[Adom]

A little before Halloween, I met a really amazing girl. I was more attracted to her than I've been to anyone in a long time. We began dating for a few weeks, and I was happy with the direction things were heading for the most part. Then one day I return a message to her - I leave a voicemail - and she never calls me back.

 

This was about 3 weeks ago. Well I can take a hint... maybe she really wasn't so interested... maybe she met another guy, etc.

 

Tonight she texts me. All it says is "yo... long time... what's new?"

 

I'm not sure how to respond to her. Perhaps I should just forget it. But on the other hand; I really would like to date her! It just feels like she really flaked out on me, and it's almost like I require some kind of explanation for this dissappearing act. Also, the last time we were supposed to go out (to a show) she didn't call me till after it ended! I felt stood up - which I'd never been before. (It sucks - who'd have guessed )

 

So at the moment I could go either way. I wish she'd just have phoned me instead of texting. Should I give her a call, and if so - how can I ask what's been up with her blowing me off without seeming overly sensitive?

[registered]

I wouldn't be bothered - she didn't return your call and called after the show.

 

Call her if you want, it's up to you, I just wouldn't appreciate being treated like that though - she calls you only when it suits her.

[cruisin]

I agree with registered. You know, if you have to ask, you probably already know the answer. Right? I mean, the real question is not what she was doing that kept her from calling you, it is WHY the h@ll she didn't call you, where has she been for three weeks? meaning again it's not really a question after all. It's just pure disbelief that someone can treat you with such disregard. Is this what you want? Do you think she doesn't know people don't like being treated like that? Do you think she cares? I'd say it's a big "NO" to all of those questions. And what's with the "I felt stood up?!" You WERE stood up! While you're standing, start walking and move on!

[Adom]

You two are right. Some part of me just wants to think that there's some really good reason for it all - like she never got my message. But that's bs, and it doesn't explain the show. I won't be calling her back. Thanks.

[registered]

Good for you.

 

All the best and good luck with the next woman!

[emma34]

I also agree. She might be a great girl, but flaky people are just plain annoying! But not replying would sort of be playing the same game. I would keep in touch with her, but on her terms. It might be frustrating at first, but it will pretty soon become clear what kind of relationship she is interested in. I actually kind of laughed when I read this, because I have a dear friend who is SOO this girl. She is wonderful and lots of guys become attracted to her but shes too much of a social butterfly to focus her attention on one person for very long. She did this to a guy once, and she confessed to me that she was extra flaky on him precisely because it was her hint sort of that she wasn't THAT interested - but followed up with him awhile later, to avoid any guilt on her part (I was shocked, because flaky people are usually just plain flaky, no secret agendas).. anyways, that's my little story - with your girl... who knows. Good luck to you.

[cruisin]

Adom, we all want to believe there's some good reason for behavior like that. There isn't. It continues because too many people let it continue and don't call them on it. Or they do call them on it and they blow them off and move on to another sucker. The text message bit is classic. It's so much easier to try someone out when it's not face to face. Text msging and emails are making things so easy for all sorts of cads and their female counterparts. There's always another sucker, good people wanting NOT to believe. It's tough but you're the smart one here. You may call it "flaky" but there are better words for it than that, such as "rude, disrespectful, irresponsible, condescending..." She thinks she's being smart, flip and fun and for now she can have her childishness but you're right, you don't need it, you're done with junior high, right?

[Adom]

Emma,

The thing is, I'm really not trying to play any games. I'm attracted to her. If I try and call her, and only hang out on her terms I really wouldn't be happy with the situation. I'd rather have a real girlfriend. You think she texted me only to allieviate her own guilt - so why would I consciously act like a schmuck and just go with it?

[cruisin]

Stick to your guns, Adom. Tell me, what are the terms of a flake?

[registered]

Stick to your guns, Adom. Tell me, what are the terms of a flake?

Lol.

 

[PocoDiablo]

She's not flakey, she utterly and completely blew you off. No matter what she told you, short of "Hey, I got hit by a car and was in the hospital", there should be no reason good enough to get back together with her.

 

Respond? I would not dignify her actions with a response.

 

At best, if you reply it will mean you are desperate. Then I can see her asking you to take her to a movie, and then begins the stage where you pay to be with her. She gets nice free entertainment with a doormat who won't make a move on her, and you get a nice empty wallet.

 

Personally, I would like to hear a LOT more about what happened right BEFORE she stopped talking to you. My money is on you doing something that turned her off - such as not making a move, acting like friends, or some other error. That is something we could help you understand and prevent in the future.

[Venturer]

do not go back to her! I, for one, absolutely cannot tolerate the disappearing act. I'd be gone and never speak to her again. but that's just me...

[Adom]

My money is on you doing something that turned her off - such as not making a move, acting like friends, or some other error.

 

I didn't go in for the kiss last time I dropped her off. It was rushed because I was holding up traffic downtown to let her out. But I still should have kissed her. Every other time we went out we kissed. Seems too late now.

[Venturer]

That seems trivial to me. Are there anything else that might have been a bit more severe than this one? Like telling her something about yourself that might have been too much information... or some comment that offended her and you didn't see it at the time?

 

 

I didn't go in for the kiss last time I dropped her off. It was rushed because I was holding up traffic downtown to let her out. But I still should have kissed her. Every other time we went out we kissed. Seems too late now.

[Adom]

I'd have to say no.

[PocoDiablo]

I don't think the kiss was an issue if you had kissed her already.

 

Maybe you can give us some details about your last date?