What do I do?

[mrwrong24]

Ok, I'm about ready to call it quits.

There's a girl at work whom I've liked for ages but I was with someone else and never thought she was interested.

A couple of weeks ago she invited me out for work drinks (she never goes out to my knowledge) a couple of guys came with us (I invited them)

I was seeing a girl at the time and things weren't working out so I broke up with her.

The following Friday I went out for drinks with her and a few colleuges again, she left early so I decided she didn't like me.

The Friday after this we had an Xmas part for work, I wasn't going to go but she talked me in to it, I found out it was going to cost heaps because I wasn't a social club member so another women in the office whom is a good friend said "ok, you can go as my partner" I told the girl I like Ok I'm going as the other womens partner to which she replied "Don't you want to go as my partner? boo hoo" anyhow I went out, sat next to her and talked to her most of the night, at one stage she even pushed her desert over towards me and of course I ate some (with my spoon) then my fake partner came over and pushed her desert towards me but I didn't have any.

The girl I like and I talked about crap and at one stage she asked if it was over between me and my ex to which I replied yes.

Anyways, on Saturday I met a guy staying at my bro's, I was talking about her and he said he knew her and had been talking to her recently and asked if she had a bf yet, apparently she said either that there's this guy I really like at my work or I've kinda been seeing this guy from work (i'm sure she means me as there's no other guys our age at work)

Today I was sending emails back and forth to her which we do almost every day lately.

I asked if she was up for drinks on Friday and she said no going by how I feel today to which I replied ok.

anyway she said she probably would by friday and don't be upset, I said I'm somewhat disappointed you aren't coming but not upset, by the time Friday comes I may decide to snob ya's and go see a movie (hint Hint)

She said she's been wanting to see the movie and may take her brother during the holidays" I said I'll have to find someone to go with me (hint hint) as I don't want to be the weirdo sitting up the back by myself (hint hint hint!!!) she said I always go to movies alone etc etc.

 

Argh!

What do I do now??

I can't tell if she likes me or not, one moment she calls me mate the next she calls me darl..

 

ARGH!!

[Adom]

It sounds like she probably likes you. You two are flirting with eachother!

 

Have you considered asking her to go out with you alone? Like to a museum and dinner on the weekend?

[registered]

anyway she said she probably would by friday and don't be upset, I said I'm somewhat disappointed you aren't coming but not upset, by the time Friday comes I may decide to snob ya's and go see a movie (hint Hint)

She said she's been wanting to see the movie and may take her brother during the holidays" I said I'll have to find someone to go with me (hint hint) as I don't want to be the weirdo sitting up the back by myself (hint hint hint!!!) she said I always go to movies alone etc etc.

Lol, well "hinting" won't get you any closer to an answer. If you want an answer you'll have to ask a question

But at the same time, if she's not up to drinks I don't know why she would be up to seeing a movie - I think this is why she didn't respond as you wanted.

 

Her behaviour towards you was a little unpredictable. I'd say she's interested (other people will say "it's not worth it, find a woman who shows she's interested"...) so I'd keep at it, but not expect too much.

 

I'd find out closer to Friday if she wanted to go to do whatever, but ask instead of hint about the movie

[mrwrong24]

I'm too scared to because

1) I hate rejection and if she says no I'll never be able to look her in the face again

2) She works for the same organisation as I but in a different building.

 

Last time I told a girl I liked her she put my heart through a minser and fed it to her dogs!

[mrwrong24]

3) I don't want to ruin our friendship!

[mrwrong24]

I can agree with the find another woman who shows interest, but when you have a girl who makes you go red in the face and babble like a two year old I say if at first you don't succeed try try till you die!

[mrwrong24]

another thing I should mention is (I hope she's not reading this)

She's called me up a few times on the helpdesk about problems with her computer that are somewhat... Insignificant.. She also seems to lower her voice to suit mine but that could be my imagination.

 

I'm inclined to just take it slow as friends and see where it leads, but on the other hand I WANT TO KNOW HOW SHE FEELS *cough cough* I know.. I shouldn't yell.

[mrwrong24]

Also, each time we went out she's come to my house to pick me up then dropped me off afterwards, the first night we went out she even bought me a drink..

[uninhibited]

I don't know if you like the passiveness and hinting that was scattered all around your story, but personally I get sick of it. It seems to me that she is interested in you, and I think that, unless you like playing games, you should start moving in.

 

It's not always smart to try and date someone you work with, considering the potentially horrendous consequences if it goes sour. I'll leave this decision for you to make.

 

Be absolutely certain she doesn't have a bf. Since you don't have a gf, and you both appear interested, start making a gradual move. Invite her to spend time with you and only you...then get to know her and see where it leads. If you get definite signs that she isn't interested, leave it be. Keeping control of the situation like this will enable you to make your move and allow you to bail out if things don't go as planned.

 

good luck

[registered]

If you want an answer then you'll have to bite the bullet.

 

Just taking it as friends and letting her show interest are a good bet though.

 

When you emailed her about Friday night if you had said "let me know if you feel up to it" then she would have been able to let you know and you wouldn't have had to ask her out.

[mrwrong24]

 

It's not always smart to try and date someone you work with, considering the horrendous consequences if it goes sour. I'll leave this decision for you to make.

 

There lies the reason for the passiveness and is the only thing holding me back!

[registered]

There lies the reason for the passiveness and is the only thing holding me back!

The issue with you seems more like a fear of rejection - I think uninhibited at least in part meant the consequences of a breakup or something like that where the relationship has at least begun.

 

To me getting rejected isn't a big thing and wouldn't affect a relationship from my side too much - it's a matter of confidence. A rejection in these circumstances wouldn't affect things much for me.

That doesn't make it a wise thing to risk, but I'd do it...then again, I'm stupid lol.

[mrwrong24]

I've decided that I will tell her I can't find anyone else to go to the movie with me and would she like to come, how I will word it remains to be seen, F$%K I'm hopeless when it comes to women!!! as, I'm sure you have all guessed.. being shy sucks big time!

[registered]

I've decided that I will tell her I can't find anyone else to go to the movie with me and would she like to come

that makes her seem like a last resort...not a good idea

[mrwrong24]

The issue with you seems more like a fear of rejection - I think uninhibited at least in part meant the consequences of a breakup or something like that where the relationship has at least begun.

lol.

Well yes, it is mainly the fear of rejection but the fear of rejection then having to work with someone whom knows you like them but has no interest in you.

Plus we're good friends and I know if I tell her I like her and she doesn't like me back I will never be able to talk to her the same again and our friendship will on my part be kaput!

[mrwrong24]

that makes her seem like a last resort...not a good idea

I can't win lol

How about, I've thought about it and there's nobody else I'd want to go with?

[registered]

Well yes, it is mainly the fear of rejection but the fear of rejection then having to work with someone whom knows you like them but has no interest in you.

Plus we're good friends and I know if I tell her I like her and she doesn't like me back I will never be able to talk to her the same again and our friendship will on my part be kaput!

Yeah, but what should you care if they have no interest in you?...that's why to me it is a matter of confidence in yourself.

If you're good friends asking her out and being rejected isn't going to damage the friendship in my opinion. You are friends so I mean you can get through whatever happens.

Yeah not being able to talk to her the same I understand, you're shy. But there is no actual reason to not be able to talk to her the same.

[registered]

I can't win lol

How about, I've thought about it and there's nobody else I'd want to go with?

Lol.

How about "On Friday we should see that movie after work...you're not doing anything after work are you?"

[uninhibited]

That doesn't make it a wise thing to risk, but I'd do it...then again, I'm stupid lol.

 

I wouldn't call you stupid for taking a risk, i'd tend to call you brave. Mrwrong, you aren't hopeless, you just need some practice. I have a fear of rejection too, so i don't know if i would take the risk if I was in your position. However, i think you will be a better person if you do take the risk, rather than do nothing.

 

Catch 22 -- you have a fear of rejection, and you want to eliminate that fear. To eliminate the fear you must risk rejection.

 

You have a wonderful opportunity right now to make a difference in yourself. I say take it. If you win, you'll have a great girl. If you lose, prove to yourself that you can handle the ugly side of love. Please go for it, I think it will be great for you either way...and it'll make the rest of your week pretty exciting

[mrwrong24]

PERFECT!

hard to say no to, I'm not asking, and I'm not making her feel like a last resort!

With idea's like these I'll have women hanging off my like flies in no time..

[registered]

PERFECT!

hard to say no to, I'm not asking, and I'm not making her feel like a last resort!

With idea's like these I'll have women hanging off my like flies in no time..

Well just make sure that once she says "no" (Hopefully!) that you say "Well I'll pick you up at 7."

[mrwrong24]

It would be more like this.

 

Hey, we should go see that movie on Friday, you're not doing anything are you?, If you have plans, cancel them, I'm more important!, pick you up at 7?

[registered]

Hey if it makes her laugh it's all good lol.

 

But yeah I think you have the idea now

[mrwrong24]

Geez now I'm rehersing, all I need now is a mirror

 

I've been thinking (yes I do that from time to time)

Since you obviously want to see King Kong you should come with me on Friday, you're noting doing anything are you?

If so, I'm sure you can change you plans to suit me!

I won't take no for an answer, or maybe or... whatever.

[mrwrong24]

Oh, almost forgot the next line.

By the way, you're driving!