Married and confused

[Newport12]

Well, my first posting ever anywhere on this dilemma of mine, hope someone can shed some light and help.

I'm 31, dear hubby is a "bit" older and we've been married for 5 years now. Everything between us is just amazing - sex is great, connection is there, really nothing to complain about since the moment we met.

Some 2 weeks into dating he crossed dressed and told me that he does it every now and then, and my goodness - he looked sooooo hot. His 1st wife thought he was "weird" but I don't and even encourage him to do it, because quite honestly, I find it very sexy and think he lookes damn right edible! Of course, he is waaaaay to uptight to discuss this with anyone, so we are kinda "closet" about this whole thing (nobody in our family knows). I admit, I love putting makeup on him, dressing him up and dominating him also dressed up. He had a few same sex experiences over the past 5 years (probably because I encouraged him - we have an open marriage, to say the least). Never met the "fellows", but apparently they were tv's (and babes! - from what I've seen...) On the surface - he is almost anti-gay, due to his profession and upbringing (old school, you could say), wouldn't even come to a gay bar with me...

I, on the other hand, am very opened about my preferences - straight, but would try it with another girl (somewhere very far in the back of my mind), but I do have a VERY strong preferences toward gays. Over the past 10 years I've slept with almost all of the gay friends I have (well, bisexual ones obviously, but to some I was the only girl experience ever) and I suppose I have this "gaydar" that attracted me to my hubby as well. I love gay porn, write gay fiction, but oddly enough - dear hubby is not quite thrilled with it. He kinda lookes down on all that "gay scene" - unless they are tv or crossdressed! Now, since we have very open marriage, I would love to go back and re-establish some of my old gay friendships and I KNOW I will probably sleep with one guy I really like (he is about 98% gay). To come to the point - what the hell is wrong with me?! I have a bi- dh right here, and I'm like addicted to other gays!I would love to find someone we could BOTH share, but he is simply not into it...

What do I do and why on the god's green earth am I crazy about gays???? I'm "normal", sexual, open minded, loving and just mad about gays. Im driving myself crazy (and him probably). Do I just go my own way and do what I like and let him be himself and be with his preferences, or maybe try to COMBINE it, so both of us can share a guy or two and enjoy?

Is it akward for a straight girl to want gays soo much?

 

I hope someone out there has an answer...

 

Love

N12

[LiquidCherry]

One of my best friends in the whole world is very much gay. I used to go to the bars with him for moral support when he first became open about it. There is a term for women like you. It's called "fag hag". I don't think it's an insult, it just happens to rhyme.

 

While I would never be agreeable to an open relationship, to each their own. But I think you should stick to what your husband is comfortable with. If he is agreeable, great and if not oh well. For any relationship to work you must stick with what either partner is comfortable with.

[Newport12]

Yeah, I know it sounds derogatory, but it's really just one of the labels I've tried to apply to myself/

Sometimes I think I need professional help, really... I feel like a homosexual stuck in the body/life of hetero woman, which confuses the hell out of me.

When I was born, my parents expected a boy (I have an older sister) and raised me as one - always short hair, jeans, toy cars, etc. All my friends were boys, and I thought that was normal. Until age 14 when I got my first period. That was devastating/ My dad used to tell me that there is a surgery what will "make me into a man" since I can remember, but later on he told me he was only joking and he never thought I would take it seriously. At 14 I saw a psychotherapist - she said something along the lines of "gender identity crisis" - I didn't think so since I found boys very attractive (ok, I did have a very brief crush on one female celeb, but more along the fantasy lines, right?)/. Needless to say, my dad still gets a good laugh out of the surgery story to this day... He was never ill intentioned, I know that now.

I never told this to anyone/

I don't know why do I fell like crying either. ENough thoughts for one night.

 

thank you though ,

 

N12

[FoxLocke]

This makes me wonder whether or not our parents can affect our sexuality in utero?

I am the youngest child in my family, and my mother told me that before I was born she and my dad were hoping for a girl. And I wonder did this hardwire me to be born gay? That was a very interesting point...

 

Anyway, it seems that you and your husband are very open and sexually free. Now I, personally, would NEVER have an open relationship with another guy...Mainly because of my own moral compass and the fear of diseases and etc...

But I wonder whether or not your husband is, infact, gay and just having a really hard time coming to terms with his sexuality...Hence his inkling of homophobia?

 

Just my theory.