Parent Controlled Girlfriend

[thecat]

My Girlfriend and I have been together for the last 6 months and our relationship is great when we are with one another... Whenever we do stuff together we are always very happy; (well I know I am and I am sure she is). My Problem is she is very controlled by her parents. In the beginning I didnt mind it that much because I saw myself getting along with them; I spent 3 months spending all my weekends with them trying to gain there trus, and everyday after uni I would go spend time with her for a few hours.

 

Then towards the end of this year her exam time came along and she told me that her parents wanted her to do well in the exams and she said that she still loved me however the exams where important and she didnt want me visiting while she studied for them (this is about a month before her actual exams); I told her that although it upset me that she didnt want to see me as much I understood and I would only visit her occasionally. So about 2 weeks before her exam I was visiting her for an hour or so and her father tells me (quote) "Get the * * * * out of my house and leave my daughter to her studying". So I did exactly that. I text messaged her alot and told her that although I didnt like her father at all anymore; I would respect his wishes for me not to come to there house. I then receive a call from her mother making it clear that they thought I was a bad thing for there daughter. (yet again I tried staying polite as she is my future wifes mother).

 

It is now after exams and she tells me that she isnt going to visit me till I come up and visit her at her place, the one place I was permanently uninvited from (might I add her parents disapproval of me really does hurt). I spent god knows how many hours with her at her place trying to make her happy; and all thoughs weekends trying to also keep her parents happy. All I end up with is her parents complete disapproval and her denying me much needed time with her away from her parents that have made it imposible for me to ever trust them after they destroyed all my respect I had for them.

 

What am I to do; I need her?

 

Might I add I now have a full time job in telecommunications that keeps me very busy Mon-Sat 8am-6pm, and she is not allowed by her parents to be out of the house while it is dark (that rule especially applies if there is me involved).

[rosstheboss]

over controlling parents are bad - but i'm sure you know that!

How old are you both?

[thecat]

17, I think it is more than the fact her parents are controlling that gets to me. It is the fact she seems happy to be a pupet for them.

[registered]

Ok well I have (had...) very controlling parents too so understand what she is going through.

 

You've done well to be respectful to her parents, good work!

 

I'd tell her you'd like to talk to her parents...then I'd talk to them and ask to see her again...tell them you would like to come to there house so you can spend time together again.

You've done a good job of dealing with them so far so hopefully you could talk them into being reasonable.

You sound like a good guy, make sure they know this, give them your word, let them know that you will be in their house and that they've seen you in the past and so they can trust you.

 

If all else fails I'd tell her to stand up to her parents (if she wants to) ... she's her own person now and they'll have to accept that sooner or later.

 

Good luck!

[thecat]

Thanks some good advice; I'll give it a try.

[registered]

You're welcome.

 

I stood up to my parents, basically by doing whatever they tried to stop me from doing... not respectful but definitely necessary and definitely the best thing to do.

I felt it was disrespectful that they didn't trust me and my judgement.

 

"Get the * * * * out of my house and leave my daughter to her studying"

That is just the sort of thing my dad would say about similar sorts of things.

It's not cool...argh bad memories lol.

 

But remember, their fears are valid and they have a right to feel a need to protect their daughter.

 

I'm just curious as to why she wouldn't come and visit you (maybe on a Sunday) without you first going there? Is that her parents stopping her again?

[thecat]

I suggested that on sunday morning and she said that she wasnt going to promise anything cause she didnt know what she was doing (if she had promised me then she would have known what she was doing my 25 year old brother does the same with the same excuse... they would know what they are doing if they where to say yes to me). However conviniently they went to auckland (about 3 hours drive from where I live to go on a shopping trip); I then enquired that maybe she would like to come over after they got back and she said it wouldnt be till dark (back to the whole she isnt allowed out after dark thing).

[p0w3RFuL]

Going threw something similar to ur problem too..

 

 

My gf only lives with her mom.. And i try very heard to earn her mothers trust, i do everything..Mow their yard, fix things in the house, move things around, help with the house all the time.. (sometimes i work really hard) I spend a large ammount of time with her mom sometimes.. My gfs mom is starting to tell her that she is too attached, she see's me to much.. she says she doesnt know what love is, and that she acts like she is in love..

 

My gf's mom is very shady.. She will down talk people behind their backs, and when we go out to eat she tells my gf that every single way she eats is rude, and you have to always have the most proper manners everywere. (all she was doing was eating alfredo with a fork..liek your suppost to do..right? But i guess u must always use a spoon and fork or its rude)

 

My gf's mother will not let her out if she goes out 2 days previously.. Or she gives her a hard time and makes her stay in the house and clean.. But when she is at the casino she could care less about what her daughter does.. Me and my gf have come to the conclusion that her mom is just kind of loney and wants her attention.. But her mom gets to the point where she is say her daughter has no life and shes always with me..

 

Why does it matter? if their kid is having fun, and staying out of trouble and getting back home on time.. Then why should they be limited to the ammount of days they go out ina week..

 

 

Man its a pain in the *** at times i got to admit.

[thecat]

I feel you pain (my problem seems less of an issue in comparison now do you have any methods (apart from get her mother to the casino) to get her out and away from her mother with you?

 

Also as a side note I might add that her mother does also get her to do the cleaning and mother roles in the house, also occasionally Ill ring her and ask if she wants to come visit and she will say she doesnt know if her mum will let her and that her mother has said not to ask her because she doesnt fell like being a mum that night telling her she can or not (mainly when shes got a few drinks in her).

[p0w3RFuL]

Well.. When her mom is at the casino we spend all the time together of course..

 

We actualy spend alot of time together recently, its just that her mom is ALWAYS bugging her... I feel sometimes as if its not even worth her asking her mom since its an every day struggle just to go out..

 

 

My gf usualy will clean the whole house, then ask.... Or spend some time with her mom with a puzzle or watch some shows... and then ask if she can go out..

 

*note i have a car and i drive us everywere, but she helps me pay for alot.. But god forbid her mom having to take her places... Id never see her..

 

 

I think that Some parents are way over controlling.. Ive known some to let their daughter out when ever, just as long as there back at a certain time.. I mean u cant expect them to stay inside, that gets boring as hell

 

 

Tell your gf to suck up to her mom for a while befor she asks if she can do something with u, or tell her to tell her mom she is going with friends if it gets real bad.

[thecat]

Well I talked to her and she promised to stop making excuses and actually spend time with me; Unfortuanatly I have learned the words from her mouth mean nothing. I was talking to a mate that thought I should back off and she if she desides that she is starting to loose someone who loves her and she might do something real about it. (Not just empty promises).

 

We will see, I just cant stay with her if all she does is talk with no real preasure behind what she says.