Some questions I think everyone should ask

[Hannibal]

I was out with some friends of mine tonight and was talking about the situation with my ex.

 

They brought up some good points and really made me question myself. I found this very helpful to me, to be able to realize somethings for myself.

 

I think that everyone that reads this should ask these questions to themselves, honestly think about them and then write down the answers.

 

1. Why do you want your ex back? Is it really them or is all you want back is the security a relationship gives you?

 

2. Would you ever be able to fully trust your ex again after they left you once? If you say yes right away, think about how much pain they've put you through already and think about how hard it would be the second go round.

 

3. Why are you chasing someone who left you already?

 

4. Do you think things would be perfect if you two got back together?

 

There is more questions that I asked myself but can't seem to remember them right now.

 

Anyways my answers

 

1. I honestly just miss having someone to hold and to love. The key word in that sentence is someone, not her just someone. Another girl will come along in due time.

 

2. I really don't think I would be able to fully trust her again after this. More importantly why should I? I don't owe her anything.

 

3. I guess it was more of a feeling like if I stopped chasing then maybe in her eyes my love wasn't real. You know what? I know my love is real, I don't need to chase after someone who left me to prove that. I have nothing to prove to her anymore, she made the choice to leave and thats her loss.

 

4. I really don't think they would be very good, if I can't trust her then a lot of fights will ensue. When ever she did something that was a bit off I know feelings of loosing her would come rusing back.

 

So in the end after asking myself those questions I started to realize that maybe I don't want her back anymore. She chose to leave me for another guy and thats her loss, not mine. I'm choosing to share my love with someone who wants my love, not someone who takes it for granted and flees.

 

How about the rest of you?

[confusedashell]

Honestly, I dont think its possible to make generalisations about relationships. Each relationship ends because of many different reasons and circumstances. My wife left me six months ago. Saying she didnt love me anymore. Well about three months ago she came back to me and explained it all the way it was: she left because she couldnt handle my depression anymore. Not the depression per se but the anger that came with it. The fighting, the neglect of her and our relationship. She said she didnt feel like I loved her for the last two years. She just felt like it was all doing us both a lot of harm. But some distance and some treatment from my side made her see things for what they were: our relationship wasnt the problem- but our lifestyles and schedules were. While I understood and agreed with her, I didnt and still dont agree with how she handled it all.

 

I mean thats why strict NC isnt always the best thing either. I tired to fix my marriage for two months! If I\d just went NC it wouldnt have worked since the major part in our breakup was me not giving enough attention to her and the relationship.

[nowaysis]

Agree 100% but even when your sure of something in your head it's not easy to convince the heart.

 

I've recently had the same discussion with friends and we basically came to the same conclusions as you.

3 weeks ago my 12yr relationship ended, 11 1/2 years all was great but the last 3 months she was cheating and I found out.

I'll post my story tomorrow but it's a pretty long 1 so still typing it out!!

 

Unfortunately after all the sh1t she's put me through I still want her back in my heart but my head agrees with all you've said.

[moondog627]

What bothers me most is how dumpees (including myself at once) plan on going NC for a while so one day they can contact the ex again. Having been able to step back and look at the situation with some new perspective nothing could seem worse. Granted every situation is different. But looking back at how I contacted my ex again only makes me cringe. She broke up with me! You may have experienced someone in your past that had a crush on you and you simply weren't into them. Now think about if they were trying to win your heart but you wanted nothing to do with them. It's pretty sad. And now I wish I could take back my actions.