He's shy...now what??

[Jasmine]

i met this fantastic guy online and had the most intense relationship and connection with him. it lasted all of 3 weeks. i started to get scared at how fast it was going so i pushed him away saying things i didn't mean. ](*,)

 

He ended things with me telling me that he felt our relationship wasn't normal. he didn't like the incredible highs and lows.

 

he's shy and introverted.

 

i've contacted him thru email a few times and he always reacted happy to hear from me and then some how it would end up in an angry rant.

 

it's now been 5 months since we broke up, but i can't seem to get him out of my mind.

 

i want to call him but i'm scared that he will reject me.

 

do you think because he is so shy that it would prevent him from ever initiating contact with him. is it possible that he is so shy that he cannot find the courage to contact me?? it's funny, because before that we talked on the phone every night till our phones died. and then bam...nothing. i can't seem to get myself to believe that he doesn't care about me. it's like he got scared and ran.

 

ughhhh! now what? someone please. i am losing my mind.

[Derek]

Don't wait for a fantasy man.

 

 

 

 

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Let me clarify :

 

Because of the internet/phone nature of the relationship, I wonder if a "fantasy man" was built up in the mind of Jasmine that he

could never live up to. If you met this guy physically in real life, I think it would be a different story.

 

It sounded like you both were arguing, perhaps even picking arguments so that real honest confrontation didn't happen. That's a bad pattern of communication for the future anyway.

 

My advice is let it go. It was never real to begin with, even though it felt like it was.

 

=)

[Jasmine]

yes, we did meet. a few times actually. and it was amazing. but i freaked with it all. i started to not trust it. it was becoming surreal. and i think he reacted to my 'freak' by bolting.

 

i just find it odd that never once in that time has he picked up the phone to call me. i have never called him after that as well.

 

logically, i know i should let him go. i mean, its been 5 months, but there is a part of me that thinks its his 'shyness' that prevents him from calling or initating contact.

 

he felt he had found 'the one', it was a 'once in a lifetime' relationship. and now .... nothing.

 

someone please explain what shyness means in this case.

[Derek]

Ah you DID meet him in person, well that's a detail you need to include next time =)

 

Sure girls can bring guys out of their shells, but shyness is usually not something you overcome overnight.

 

I think being "shy" is about overcoming fear. Fear of rejection, fear of initiating the wrong way. In some ways it is selfish because a shy person thinks everyone is evaluating them every moment, but in reality not that many people are thinking about them at all. It is all in their own minds, that they aren't gonna be able to say the perfect thing, or be perfect so they are rejecting themselves in their own mind before they even try.

 

If he likes you enough, he should be able to overcome his inihibitions though.

 

 

[DN]

What have you told him about pushing him away and saying things you didn't mean? Have you explained why you did that?

 

It may be that it is not so much that he is shy but simply that he doesn't want to get hurt again and doesn't trust that you will not do that.

 

Are you sure that you know what you want from him? If you are not, then you had better do some soul searching, because it would not be fair to try to resume a relationship with him and then end it because you realise you don't want him after all.

 

Bottom line - make sure you know what you want before you try to get him to say what he wants.

[Jasmine]

hi dn,

 

i never did tell him that i didn't mean to push him away because i was scared.

 

i've taken this time to search my heart and he keeps coming up as the 'one'. only now, he really wants nothing to do with me.

 

you gave good advice and insight.

 

thank you;