Ther hardest breakups

[ONE SXXY LADY]

I understand whrn you break up with someone, for whatever reason...it's natural to feel disappointed , hurt etc. ..but when you have concrete solid reasons for a relationship ending it's easier to accept.

 

Personally my hardest breakups have been when there is no REAL closure...or you feel like the relationship never really got a fair shot. It leaves me feeling "incomplete". Any of you guys feel that way too? In MY mind..because things never got to that point..I always think "what if"....I realize this is a destructive way of thinking....but I guess being able to fantasize about the way things could have been..is in a way, something that keeps me sane..and able to deal with it.

 

Some of us have stories of the one who "got away" etc....

 

I'm interested in hearing some of those stories...

[RayKay]

I understand whrn you break up with someone, for whatever reason...it's natural to feel disappointed , hurt etc. ..but when you have concrete solid reasons for a relationship ending it's easier to accept.

 

Personally my hardest breakups have been when there is no REAL closure...or you feel like the relationship never really got a fair shot. It leaves me feeling "incomplete". Any of you guys feel that way too? In MY mind..because things never got to that point..I always think "what if"....I realize this is a destructive way of thinking....but I guess being able to fantasize about the way things could have been..is in a way, something that keeps me sane..and able to deal with it.

 

Some of us have stories of the one who "got away" etc....

 

I'm interested in hearing some of those stories...

 

I think it is about your mentality.

 

For me, a "loss of feelings" is a SOLID reason, for others it won't be, and they will find themselves playing that "what if" game..."what if" I did this, or did not do that. It takes two people to make it work, and if one is no longer willing to work, then that's a pretty solid reason. Maybe unfair, and painful, but you can't force them to feel differently, they already have closure of sorts.

 

It took me a long time to realize closure only ever came from within myself, and with time. Reasons given by ex or not, ultimately until I was ready to move on and accept what happened, closure would not come. Fantasizing about what could of been is normal, until it becomes fantasizing about what could BE now, to point you no longer work on healing and moving on, but become obsessed over getting them back. You start imagining things that are not there, and forgetting why you aren't.

 

Do I have stories about one that got away? No, not really. I care about those in my past, I wonder sometimes what would of been if some things had worked out differently, if my late boyfriend had not died, or if the one that came after him I had been more strong and less passive. But I don't dwell on them, I am with someone whom I give my whole heart too, whom is the ONE because he also sees ME as the one. Ultimately, I learned someone is not the One, until they see you as the same. And that One, does not get away, as they do not want to go away.

 

This works both ways, I have an ex from HS who treated me badly in the end, and cheated on me, and 10 years later, he ran into me, and told me he had been looking for me for years, always thought I was one who got away. However, he was not MY one, so I really am not his. I think he knows this now, and he got some closure from running into me, but he could of had it without that episode too, if he learned to accept the past and move on.

[Jonboy582]

I understand whrn you break up with someone, for whatever reason...it's natural to feel disappointed , hurt etc. ..but when you have concrete solid reasons for a relationship ending it's easier to accept.

 

Personally my hardest breakups have been when there is no REAL closure...or you feel like the relationship never really got a fair shot. It leaves me feeling "incomplete". Any of you guys feel that way too? In MY mind..because things never got to that point..I always think "what if"....I realize this is a destructive way of thinking....but I guess being able to fantasize about the way things could have been..is in a way, something that keeps me sane..and able to deal with it.

 

Some of us have stories of the one who "got away" etc....

 

I'm interested in hearing some of those stories...

 

I must say I agree 100% with this. Especialy as when me and my ex broke up she flirted with me alot then 3 days later we had sex then she went after some other boy (best mate) and it all builds up and crushes you. She didnt give relationhip a fair run she jumped at second hurdle, but ohh well even though I loved her I have come to accept there is plenty more fish in the sea.

[lonelyfish]

Personally my hardest breakups have been when there is no REAL closure...or you feel like the relationship never really got a fair shot. It leaves me feeling "incomplete". Any of you guys feel that way too? In MY mind..because things never got to that point..I always think "what if"....I realize this is a destructive way of thinking....but I guess being able to fantasize about the way things could have been..is in a way, something that keeps me sane..and able to deal with it.

 

I totally agree with you. Now that I'm older, I think I have a better idea of what I'm looking for in a guy. There has to be chemistry, attraction, and that click that you get when you are together and your relationship seems effortless. I had that with my ex and I know he felt that way with me for he constantly reminded me how good we were together. His family even noticed that with us and he was just getting out of a 10 year marriage. Which was part of the reason why he broke things off, he was getting very confused about his current situation in life, starting a new job, kids and not to mention it was a long distance relationship. I felt I never had enough of a chance with the relationship to see where it could have gone had I lived closer to him or had I met him six months after his divorce. I know I should just move on but yeah I do often find myself thinking "what if". What gives me satisfaction is knowing he's going to have a hard time finding someone as great as me and will always make the comparison.

[Mun]

I know what you mean. Of all the guys I've dated in the last 10 years there is only ONE that hurts. I miss our friendship...and I know he thinks about me too...which doesn't help.

 

No closure

[mrskier]

I think it depends which side of the fence you are on. For the first time ever I find myself in the role of the dumpee. It's hard, because I didn't want the relationship to end. From my perspective things were good, but from hers... well evidently not so much. I guess thats the risk you take when entering into a relationship. To me, she feels like the "one that got away." From the perspective of a frequent dumper, I don't think of any of those girls in that way. So in my experience, it depends on which side you find yourself.

[Hannibal]

I agree with the above post. If you're the dumpee you will think that your relationship never got a fair shot. When I reality it did and unfortunately things didn't work out the way that you hoped they would. The sooner that you come to the realization that your relationship got a fair shot, had its problems and was unable to move past those problems, the sooner you'll be able to start forgive both yourself and your ex and really move on.

[moondog627]

If you're the dumpee you will think that your relationship never got a fair shot. When I reality it did and unfortunately things didn't work out the way that you hoped they would. The sooner that you come to the realization that your relationship got a fair shot, had its problems and was unable to move past those problems, the sooner you'll be able to start forgive both yourself and your ex and really move on.

 

Not necessarily. Part of the whole journey in finally finding the "one" that is meant for you is learning how to deal with relationships, such as communication. And many times when young people start to date seriously they're unaware or immature in understanding how a relationship works. Granted if someone isn't into you there's nothing you can do. But when a dumpee says they weren't given a fair shot they most likely mean there wasn't enough communication, which in many cases could have solved a lot of problems. Many young (and older) dumpers simply give up without trying to work on the relaionship. In the long run these people are most likely doing the dumpee a favor, but it hurts nonetheless.