approaching women

[phoenix66]

Just curious about cold walk-ups when it comes to approaching women, what kind of things do you guys say to them in general that you find is working for you?

 

I've heard a simple hi is a good start, but what next? I know it's not good to use "lines" and I don't use them but I have a feeling my game is a bit off.

 

Thanks a lot!

[heloladies21]

I've got some great sites to help you with your question. I'll pm you.

[Kimmikazi]

All natural...seriously...something lame from a website will definitely not get a girl...lol...I would tend to fall for something cute, something random, and something with humor! Shyness is BORING but so is PHONYNESS....stay away from those two, and you're all good.

[registered]

Shyness is BORING

Lol, half of enotalone just let out a collective sigh of pain.

 

Maybe shyness is boring (it's different for everyone), but I don't think it makes shy guys boring.

I'm sure you know of heaps of shy guys who are nice, interesting and funny - it doesn't matter how one initially comes accross. It only matters who they really are.

 

Another thing, shy guys might be shy at first, but they come out of their shell - and if you miss out, well Lol.

 

Also, a shy guy with the balls to blindly approach a girl is obviously making an effort and that girl should be flattered none the less.

 

Just want to defend shy guys lol

I don't want shy guys to think they have no hope! They have just as much hope (and success) as anyone else if they just be themselves.

 

So phoenix66...my advice is just be yourself. You have a lot of personality ingrained in you, you just need to let it out - being phony won't be necessary, and for anyone else, being shy won't be a problem.

Let things flow, you won't have to try.

You do not need to do anything special - you need to be relaxed, natural and yourself. If you try to fake anything it will come undone, and if you do get some success it won't be received because you are who you are, it will be received because the other person views you as someone who you aren't - what is the point of that?...I guess it depends upon what you want...

 

It is all a matter of confidence in yourself - you do not need to be anyone else, or be like anyone else. Just be yourself.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Shyness is BORING ....stay away from those two, and you're all good.

Hey at least she's honest. Yes, thanks for making us feel delightful and optimistic. Shucks, if every girl felt this way then the shy and ugly would get no play, hence your's truly.

[Kimmikazi]

Lol....I was just giving my personal insight....to me...if the man can't keep my attention in the beginning...He's not the one for me....not saying that he can't be the one for the next girl To me..I want someone to catch my eye, someone that makes me light up and say to myself "wow..." The shy ones in the beginning just wont be able to give me that reaction....

[Orlander]

I'm interested in this also, though I really dont have a problem with going up to a woman to initiate conversation if I have a clear idea they are interested.

 

Do women go to particular places (besides bars) where they almost expect or want to be hit on?? I go to bookstores, coffee shops and grocery stores all the time but just dont get that "come hit on me" vibe.

 

Orlander

[atraceofblood]

I'm still trying to figure this out and I've pretty much approached a lot of women in my life. I think being yourself is a good start, and even if you are shy, don't let that turn you down. Talk to the women as if they were you friend. Again I am still learning, so this is all I feel like I've learned so far.

[Orlander]

atraceofblood, thanks. I think you might be right. I remember when I hit on my exgirlfriend she was sitting at a table in a local bookstore/cafe reading and smiling. I was intrigued and genuinely interested to know what about the book she was reading that was making her so interested/happy in reading it. I was very attracted to her, but it felt natural, almost like I wasn't even hitting on her when I went over to her. I was still incredibly nervous, but really wanted to ask about the book.

 

That was the last time I hit on a girl. Yikes, that was over 4 years ago.

 

Orlander

[atraceofblood]

atraceofblood, thanks. I think you might be right. I remember when I hit on my exgirlfriend she was sitting at a table in a local bookstore/cafe reading and smiling. I was intrigued and genuinely interested to know what about the book she was reading that was making her so interested/happy in reading it. I was very attracted to her, but it felt natural, almost like I wasn't even hitting on her when I went over to her. I was still incredibly nervous, but really wanted to ask about the book.

 

That was the last time I hit on a girl. Yikes, that was over 4 years ago.

 

Orlander

 

yeah, I still don't understand why I'm not so nervous around this girl I'm attracted to, and I can't have her right now because she's in a relationship, maybe that's why....but still, I had been through something similar before where I met a girl I liked and she had a b/f, but I was all nervous and stuff.

 

I don't know how you converse with people, but maybe you can just relate something to the environment and context when you talk, like what you did in the bookstore.

[Orlander]

Yeah, I'm slowly getting back there. I'm not over my ex yet and I think that has a lot to do with it. I compare every girl to her but dont think I should let that stop me from getting to know a few women again. Going out on casual dates will help me determine what it is I want for sure in a woman and also will help me deal with my shyness issues.

 

If the girl you like has a boyfriend, I say just hold off and be just friends. In my adult life, more often than not, when I was friends with a girl I was attracted to, she either broke up with her boyfriend to be with me or when she did break up with her boyfriend, we would date.

 

I feel though, from my experiences, that you should not have someone of the opposite sex as more than a coworker or acquantance if you feel a level of attraction there. When I met my ex, I was really good friends with a woman but I knew there would never be anything more than a friendship. My ex saw that too.

 

 

Orlander

[Dating Coach]

Sometimes you simply have to go up there and just start talking to them. They are people and so converse with them normally. It won't always work out good and that is just part of how things go.

 

Let me tell you a funny story that happened to me once. I was at this dance club and was walking around with a buddy. I saw this cute girl sitting by herself at a table so I walked up and started talking to her. She wasn't overly receptive but she didn't dis me either. I had only been talking with her for about 30 seconds to a minute and then all of the sudden this guy walks up, grabs her, and starts making out with her! It was her boyfriend!!! hahaha! I literally laughed, said, "My bad" and walked away. It was kind of humiliating, but then again, it wasn't a rejection, it was a "not available".

After I left her I ended up meeting another girl that night. It's just part of the game. There is never a list of things that you can carry with you to talk about, but there are a list of things you can keep the topic off of. The rest is just winging it.