Consensus on Being 'JUST FRIENDS'

[Lil Punkin]

I am just curious what everyones opionions are of being "just friends' with someone you KNOW you feel more than that for?

 

This would fall under these categories:

 

Someone you've dated romantically..and they decided they just wanted to be

"friends'.

 

Someone you ARE friends with, but are having romantic feelings for?

 

If someone is giving you mixed signals...ie, they say one thing and do another. They are hot and cold, saying the timing is "off". They KNOW how you feel but they make no attempts to discourage contact from you.

 

What is the best way to handle these situations?

I've read many posts where it says to go into No Contact . Is that the best

thing to do in these cases?

Thanks.

 

Punkin

[Gracelove]

As far as being friends with someone and having romantic feelings for them.... if you can respect their feelings not to be romantically involved with you, why ruin a friendship?

You say the person knows you like him/her? Have you actually told the person of your feelings?

Are you ready to be without the friendship that the person is providing to you?

[polaris]

It's a simple case of if you can do it, do it, if you can't, don't. If you are going to remain friends, it's important to really be clear in your mind that you are friends, and that this isn't the backdoor into the former relationship again. That sort of thinking inevitably causes heartache, and rarely gets the desired result.

 

Many people do no contact precisely because they can't, in all honesty, treat the friendship just as an ordinary friendship the same as any other, and the effort of trying to look like it at least, becomes too much for them.

 

If you can manage it, that's great and enjoy the friendship, but don't beat yourself up if you can't; you're in good company either way.

[jigsaw]

I don't think that if your feelings are involved you can ever be just friends. You will treat them differently than you would a normal friend, it will be different.

[keefy1972]

I would not say that being "just friends" with someone you have stronger feelings for is impossible, but I would say that it would be the most difficult friendship in your life to maintain. The reason is really as simple as it would be an unbalanced relationship. Contact from them would be more important to you and they'd be more of a priority to you than you are to them. If you can tolerate not being fair to yourself and getting what you deserve, I'd say go for it, otherwise, a heavy dose on NC would be the prescription you need.

[twinklestar]

keefy is right. Something I've been facing myself the past few weeks and it is VERY HARD. The person is keeping contact with me because he could never give me up as a "friend" and he knows how I feel. There were/are so many mixed signals... I'm kind of sick of it all even if I care for him so deeply and am in love with him. He touched my heart like no-one ever has in my life but you are being cruel to yourself. I've decided to try to not have so much contact with him. Even if I said I could still be friends... I don't know if I can. It hurts more than I ever thought it would and it hurts even more that such a wonderful connection could break over this. It seems we both felt "right at home" with each other from day one. All of this saddens me. It's breaking my heart.

[Liquidius]

Again, I think it depends on the situtation.

 

Someone you've dated romantically..and they decided they just wanted to be friends...

 

Well, friendship is better than nothing right? It is extremely hard to be friends with someone if you feel more for them, but I don't think it always has to be all or nothing. It depends on how brave you're feeling. If you want to be friends in this situation, you need to accept that the other person is free to date others, and has ABSOLUTELY no feelings other than friendship for you.

 

Someone you ARE friends with, but are having romantic feelings for?

 

You can definitely be friends with someone in this situation. If you choose to tell the friend, and they take it well - then it's fine. One of my close friends was in this situation only a few weeks ago, told the friend, and they've carried on as normal. And guess what? She's not so fussed anymore. Of course, if you choose not to tell them, it can slowly drive you mad lol. I personally don't like admitting romantic feelings for friends just in case it ruins a friendship.

 

If someone is giving you mixed signals...ie, they say one thing and do another. They are hot and cold, saying the timing is "off". They KNOW how you feel but they make no attempts to discourage contact from you.

 

Discreetly ignore them until you feel better, and feel that they aren't messing you around.

[patience]

I agree that it depends on the situation. If your feelings are really strong and real (not just a crush for example) then being friends with the person may very well hold you back from finding/being receptive to the one for you.

 

I also think the friendship will be unbalanced because you secretly want a lover, while the friend wants a friend.

 

Think of it this way: if a friend told you that s/he was in love with you, could you still hang out, or would you think you were misleading the person?

 

...and don't forget, there are people out there (ex bfs/gfs at times especially) who will take advantage of the fact that you have feelings for them. Watch out for that!