What makes you not be physically attracted to a person?

[sweetheart230]

Like if a person is not ugly or something what causes a guy to not be attracted to her physically? Two of the guys I have been closest to have said they havn't been attracted to me-- my ex who I dated for a year and a half (our relationship was extremely sexual, and he later told me he couldn't stay away because "there was something special about me") and another guy (who i mentioned in another post-- i met him when i visited a friend, he asked me to dinner spontaneously, took me to a party, danced, held hands and spent the night just making out and stuff-- then got his car towed when dropping me off and had a crush on my friend at the time).

 

I for some reason feel like while I might look attractive, no one is physically attracted to me. Of course guys want to have sex with me, but when I asked the one guy why he spent the night with me he said "it all feels the same". And guys check me out all the time and stuff, but that doesn't mean they are physically attracted to me. All my friends drop hints that I am better looking than they are, but that doesnt' mean men are attracted to me. Maybe I'm attractive, but no men are attracted TO me physically.

 

I think I look good enough. I am 5'6", small waist, large breasts, high cheekbones, and full lips. I'm asian so I have asian eyes and lots of curly hair. But I don't smile or flirt ever (unless I need a guy to move a table for me or something). I make eye contact sometimes, but I hardly ever flirt. Would this have an effect on guys being physically attracted to me?

 

How do I know if a guy is physically attracted to me or if he is just being nice? I feel like no guys are physically attracted to me at all for some reason. I don't know why. What can I do to make men attracted to me?

[Picotazo101]

Woo! a/s/l? u got a pic? ur hot!!!!!11!!!

 

Not really *cough*. Now then ...

 

Well, if a guy checks you out, that means he's physically attracted to you, or just sees someone he thinks is worth taking a good, long look at.

 

The problem might be in your attitute. You're right, you need to smile, be friendly, talkitive, engaging. Don't be flirty, unless you really want that sort of attention. I've seen girls that I thought were attractive but that I would never approach because their manner was a little stand-offish, or their demeanor was one that discouraged anyone from approaching them and being friendly.

[sweetheart230]

Yeah, but these guys both said that I was attractive, but they just weren't attracted to me. Although maybe they said that to be mean. I am standoffish. But I'm so shy! Only when I've had a couple of drinks in me and I'm surrounded by friends will I begin to flirt with anyone. And if I see an attractive guy, I get shy and look away instead of making eye contact and smiling. I mean once or twice I get bold enough to do that, but hardly ever.

 

I guess its easier to for me to act disinterested. Its kind of like rejecting other people before they get a chance to reject me. At least I know what I'm doing wrong. Now, I've got to figure out how to fix it. I just get so freaking shy.

[Picotazo101]

I used to be the same way. I was pretty shy once, and never really put myself forward whenever a girl came along who seemed interested. I am still a little shy, but yet much more social and not afraid to try talking to new people.

 

Sounds like you might be meeting the wrong kinds of guys, too. Not sure how much more detail I can get into than that.

[RayKay]

Attractiveness is not just appearance, is it is how you "exude confidence", or how you make others FEEL as well...it's about your personality, your "approachiveness".

 

There are some very "ugly" model-types, and some extremely attractive "average" women, because it is about how you present yourself, and treat others, that is also a big big accent to how attractive you are.

 

If you never smile, or make contact, or socialize, then people don't see you as approachable, or as warm, or as feeling good...I mean who would you want to be around yourself? Someone who seems fun and friendly, or someone who seems like Scrooge?

[sweetheart230]

Well I am very friendly around other girls. I am easy to talk to and everything. Even around guys that I don't want to date I am easy to get along with. A lot of guy friends seemed attracted to me (by the way they looked at me and paid attention to me and stuff)-- until they saw me very drunk. But I don't know. My ex certainly seemed attracted to me but then said he wasn't. The other guy seemed attracted to me (wanted to take me home) but wasn't.

 

I'm working on the whole smiling thing (and getting better-- I smile at people I recognize at school now), but I worry constantly that no one is attracted to me physically. I mean I feel like they look at me and think "oh she's cute" or they think I'm nice but they don't feel physically any attraction. I don't know why I think this, but I do. I feel like if I start dating again guys will start to back off because they feel nothing physical toward me. i'm scared that they will want to be my friend but go any futher than that-- or worse want to use me for sex because "it all feels the same" as that one guy put it. I'm really terrified that no one will feel attracted to me sexually or physically. I don't know why. I think I invent problems for myself.

[ShySoul]

Most people want others to view them as physically attractive. But the thing with physcial attraction is that it has less to do with how we are on the outside, and more to do with who we are on the inside and the level of connection we have with another person. Honestly, you don't want to be someone with whom all the guys look at and say "she's hot." Then you would be more likely to encounter the guys who do want you for sex.

 

The mind of most guys are simple. Most girls they encounter they will find physically attractive. Most guys are not picky, and if they are then they aren't worth it cause they will always be comparing you to the fantasy girl in their heads instead of appreciating your real beauty, both inside and out.

 

What separates the good looking girls from the incredibly beautiful girls, is other factors. It's about compatiblity. For instance, when your friend say you drunk, that was something he doesn't like in a girls personality. Because his interest in your personality dropped, his interest in you physically lessened to. However, if you are around someone with whom you share all the same interests, values, hobbies, and beliefs.... you will probably find your level of physical interest in one another increasing.

 

From the sound of things, you are getting noticed physically. Guys are wanting to take you home. But there doesn't seem to be that deeper connection with them. I would recommend waiting for a guy with whom you share a deep connection with, much in common. There is a good chance that he'll find you physically attractive and won't be using you for sex.

 

PS. I would actually want to be around people who never smile or act like Scrooge. I figure these are the people who need love and attention the most. They need to smile, and I bet when they do it will be a very lovely smile.

[Echo]

LORD.....

[sweetheart230]

I just don't know how to have a connection with a person. Sometimes it just happens spontaneously, but I do something so screw it up or the opportunity goes away.

 

I know thatif I keep doing things the same way, nothing will change for me. But I don't know how to change things...how to meet people who don't want to just have sex with me...how to meet someone who will appreciate and love all of me. I just seem to be hoping sometimes for something that seems like it will never come. I don't know how to make a flirtation turn into something more substantial. I'm very bad at getting dates because I'm shy. I just don't know how to change things fo rmyself. I know I must. I'm ready to take steps to change my life, but I don't khow what steps to take.

[Lily04]

Hey!!

 

We have a similar dilemma I think, haha. I know I'm physically attractive, and get along fabulously with some people but a lot of people I just feel shy with and especially at bars, if I don't have something to drink & have that sorta buzzed feeling (not drunk, but just a bit buzzed) then I will be way too shy to go up to anyone. Last Saturday, case in point. I wasn't attracted to any of the guys there really, but practically every guy in the bar was staring at me or tried to hit on me (I got my makeup professionally done that day, so I looked like a model...) But even so, I didn't didn't feel any chemistry with anyone, and so I didn't see the point in starting a conversation...

 

I think one helpful point would be to go to places where you're likely to meet the type of guy you'd be interested in. I like intelligent & mature guys, so teenage-populated clubs likely won't do me good. I'm attending a conference with law students today, and I think joining clubs with like interest will help... are you going to the right places? For me, acting confident and exuding the more striking elements of my personality depends on the type of people I'm around... if i feel comfortable, if we have something in common, in terms of personality..

 

Honestly, don't feel bad about it. You're still young, and maturing and you WILL meet the right people, it just takes time. Join clubs/sports, with the objective of having fun, NOT finding a mate. Guys know when you're feeling desperate, they can sense it.. go with confidence and you'll notice guys immediately sense that. It's true.

 

Take care,

 

Lily

[jurupa]

First off how do you know guys are not physically attractive to you? Quite frankly if there is no physical attraction for both parties then the relationship doesn't go that far (meaning no sex and a high chance of no kiss on the first date or no kissing at all). To me you sound good looking and have a body that sounds killer, but the way you are expressing it is what is causing your problems. I bet you that guys are attracted, but you are not seeing it becuase your to focus on your looks and not who you are.

 

Why are you so worried if you are physically attractive to guys? I understand the need to feel that you are physically attractive, but your putting to much need into it I think.

 

For one thing smile more. Also loosin up as well becuase you sound tense and most probably have put up "walls" blocking you from having any connection with guys becuase you are so worried about your looks than you are not looking at the guy that is in front of you (figurely speaking or literally).

 

Another thing, looks are not everything. Just becuase I see a good looking girl doesn't mean I will flirt or hit on her.