Am I being completely irrational about my friend? I thinks she's trying to hurt me.

[sweetheart230]

I've been friends with my (former) best friend for five years. I'm starting to think that she is antagonizing me (and been doing this for a really long time) and actually trying to make me feel worse about myself. I've realized this recently, but can someone please tell me if maybe I'm just being too hard on her?

 

In high school, she had a boyfriend. I didn't. She would do weird things like plan to go to the mall with me and then refuse to go unless her boyfriend could go with. Then, she would tell me how her boyfriend threatened to torture me if I got in a car accident that killed her. They used to cuddle in the backseat if I drove, which made me feel really uncomfortable. And they used to talk about me and call me sexually frustrated (which is stupid b/c I was a virgin then and didn't even know what sexual frustration was).

 

When he went to college, I started trying to look better– and did– and got attention from guys consequently. There was one in particular that I liked that she was friends with and she told me that she wouldn't help me get with him b/c she might "want him for backup". She used to tell me about how this guy would always ask her to the movies and she didn't know what to do b/c all these guys want her.

 

When we went to college, she and her bf broke up and then she kept telling me about all the guys she was hooking up with and stuff and insisting on calling her new bf (which lasted 1 week) while we were out shopping when we saw each other over break. When a guy she knew and I started chatting online and I sent him a pic of me she preceeded to tell him that I "wasn't as skinny" as I looked in the picture. She also never hesitates to tell me how her roommates boyfriend called me ugly and pointing out how meaningless the relationship between me and my ex was.

Recently, she has shown signs of being jealous of the way I look. She makes comments like "how do you look ok without makeup" or "why do all the lip glosses look good on you" or "hook up with him and invite me in a three way cause you can get him and I can't". When I made out with a guy when I visited her she was like "he didn't pick you cause you were pretty, it was b/c you probably looked easy", even after she tried making out with me to get his attention. Now, she keeps bragging about a guy wants to take her seriously and be her boyfriend after they've known each other a week and had sex and oral sex (and not even gone out on a date). She calls me close minded b/c I don't want to have sex until there's meaning and says that I should dress more provocatively (I dress sexy but I tend not to show a lot of skin).

 

She keeps telling me about how she gets ten guys' phone numbers a night every time she goes out, and calls my friends ugly. She made a rude comment recently about how she can picture me jacking off to pics of her (I don't jack off and if I did, it would be to my Brad Pitt poster, not her). And then last night, she made a point of telling me she made out with ten guys; one of which was the guy I made out with when I visited her. She specifically mentioned him– she was jealous that I got him and she didn't when I visited her.

 

I don't know anymore. I feel like I'm being unfair to her. But she seems to be nice to me only when I'm depressed. When my life is going good, she doesn't seem happy for me. Like when I told her I was finally over my ex she was like "that's great. Now what should I do, so many guys like me suddenly". And when my ex broke my heart (he promised he'd change and then stood me up one night) she was like "you know he was never going to show up". She seems to only be there for me when my life is horrible and I feel bad about myself. Whenever I feel great about myself she pulls this stuff.

 

Can someone tell me if I'm just being mean? I feel like I'm being unfair to her, but I don't know. My mom said she saw the handwriting on the wall a long time ago, but she was afraid to say something. Even my ex said she was jealous of me. But maybe they are just trying to make me feel better. I'd appreciate anyone's opinion. I'm really confused about this.

[annie24]

Are you being mean? Are you serious??? No - You've dealt with her crap long enough! She's not a friend - she never was!!! She makes herself feel better by making you feel worse. If you've hear of "fair weather friends" - just know that "foul weather friends" exist also. People who are nice to you only when your life is going poorly. But the second that things start looking up, it makes them feel - I don't know - intimidated or something.

 

I think you should stay far far away from her! She sounds like she has some serious self-esteem issues.

[DN]

Your 'friend' must have heard of that old saying "hold your friends close but your enemies closer". She is holding you very close - I think she is more enemy than friend.

 

What is there in her 'friendship' that is good for you? Nothing as far as I can see. Don't stay friends with her out of habit - get some friends who are truly friends.

[smallworld]

Sweetheart, I can understand a little friendly competition between confidantes, but with friends like her, who needs enemies??? True friends love you as you are (novel concept I know!) and want what's in your best interests. This "friend" of yours alternates between letting you know that others find you unattractive and asking you to lure men so that she can get with them. So which is it? Are you really "ugly" or is it more likely that she's so envious of you that she needs to put you down unless it suits her self-centered purposes?

 

Normally I'd suggest having a heart to heart with her, but from everything you've said she doesn't sound worth the effort.

[Dating Coach]

Um, yeah... she is not a friend. Girl, she is jealous of you and tries to bring you down to make herself feel better. She really is pathetic and she has shown herself to be a very poor human being. She won't change, even if she says she will. She will always be this terrible person who isn't worth a damn. I can't stand people like this, and I wouldn't give her an ounce of my attention is she tried dancing in front of me naked. She's an attention wh4re.

 

You on the other hand seem like you are a genuine cool and down to earth person. I think you may be a bit of a pushover to have put up with this crap for so long but if I knew the two of you, you would have my attention, not her.