How can I approach her!?!??!?

[make_up_your_mind]

Hi.

 

I'm 15. I have never had a girlfriend in my life. And now, I've seen this girl at school whos one year older than me. And I love her. She's really cute and pretty and I want to have her. She has no boyfriend. I know cos I seen her with no one and Im sure she doesnt have one outside of school....She doesnt seem like the sort of s*l*u*t girl there is at my school. Anyway, I dont know how to approach her. I simply cant go up and randomly say 'hi'. I need some excuse for talking to her and I also need her to be alone so its just me and her. I dont know what to do. I could sit down at her table at lunch IF she actually is at lunch and IF I am with my friend who happens to do judo and she does judo and so he sorta knows her slightly. But not very much...just usual hi. Anyway, it could be lunch but the probability of her being there AND an empty seat next to her AND my friend being there as well is highly unlikely. What do you think I should do? It seems almost impossible to approach her. The only palces she would be where I could approach her are at lunch, the school yard, or her house (school house). But the point is I cant go up to her and randomly say 'hi' cos Im not in her year and also I need her to be alone, not with friends, so I can perform better. But, please help me!!! Thank you very much!!!

[good_charlotte_freak2]

Well...I would try and get one of your friends to maybe set you guys up a meeting. I have nothing agains you saying you love her...but maybe you should get to know her a little bit better beofre you say it again. Right now to me you kinda sound desperate and obsessed with her.

[RescueDiver]

Alright bud, going to give you some advice that I wish someone had given me when I was your age.

 

First it sounds like you're obsessed with her already... that's not good. Talk like "I want to have her" is likewise baaad. You can't be in love with someone you've never really talked to. Trust me on that one. Plus love is a fickle thing when you're as young as you are. You need to get your feelings in check or you're just going to get hurt. Don't let your interest in someone turn into an obsession before you go up and talk to them. That's just setting yourself up for failure. Reason being is because if you let it progress that far you're going to be 10x more nervous and it's going to hurt 10x more if it doesn't work out the way you want it to. If you catch it early and think hey, she's pretty interesting, it's less of a deal to just go up and talk to her and it's likewise less of a deal if she shoots you down.

 

Second, yes you can just randomly go up and say "hi"... of course you have to be able to have a conversation with her. Basically it goes like this... if she's in the lunch room sitting alone, you walk up say "hi, (insert name here if you know it), may I join you?" Then sit down and start talking (and listening) to her. If you know of any shared interests start out with those. Otherwise, you know she does judo, so ask her about that, what got her interested in that. If things seem like they're going well, see if she'd like to get together after school or something. Now, if you really want to go for the gusto and you think you have the confidence to pull it off... even if she's with her friends go up to the group and say "hi ladies, mind if I join you?" Chances are they're not going to say "no". If they do, don't worry about it, you can always come up with a plan "B" later. Then once you're there just introduce yourself to everyone and start getting to know all of them. If they're her friends you're going to have to get to know them sooner or later anyway. Then the next time you see her in the lunch room it shouldn't be too big a thing to go up to her. Plus by then you might have more to talk about. If you don't think you can do it on your own, get your buddy to go with you. If you can do the asking though it'll make you look better than if you're just riding in on your buddy's coat tails.

 

Learn how to do this now... trust me, it doesn't get any easier as you get older. Just remember, all you're doing right now is getting to know her, it's not like you're asking her to marry you so just keep the conversation light. It's also not the end of the world if this doesn't work. Don't get down on yourself about it and don't get discouraged. Approaching and meeting women is not an exact science. You're going to have a lot of failures before you get the hang of it, but like I said, it's best to start learning now.

[SALLY_ANNE]

hello make_up_your_mind

 

sounds like you are getting yourself all worked up before you even have had the chance to do anything. first and foremost take a deep breath. as good_charlotte_freak2 mentioned perhaps a little early to definitively say that you love her or not. you by the sounds of it have not even spoken to this girl so love is not an emotion that you would be feeling but that of perhaps lust. i.e. you are physically attracted to her and want to get to know her more. this is a good thing. i have the following thoughts or suggestions for you.

1.don't expect something to happen straight away allow yourself time to involve yourself in her life.

 

2.you are aware of at least one of her interests- this is good work with this. maybe find out a little about the sport so you can ask her a few questions if you do get the chance to talk to her- use your friend- he's a good reference.

 

3.there is nothing wrong with you being a year younger but I ask you to consider this (girls usually go for guys that are older because they are more mature) so long as you conduct yourself in a manner that says your serious about getting to know her and your not going to be in and out wham bam thankyou mam kinda guy then you should be in with a chance

 

4.don't hit her with a relationship thing straight up. she doesn't even know you. give her a chance. have a few conversations "in passing" before you ask her on a date. that way she'll feel a little more comfortable in saying yes because she knows a little bit about you already to make a decision as to whether she wants to get to know you more.

 

5.now as for these conversations "in passing" what I mean is just simply making contact. letting her know you exist. you don't need you friend for this. perhaps better if he's not there so that she doesn't feel pressured in any way. I'm not too sure how your school system works over there but here we all get the same lunch period no matter what grade we are in. I'm assuming that will be the same for you. obviously you see her around the school yard to have noticed her. and sounds to me like you've noticed her enough to perhaps even see that she sits at a regular spot, or goes to the cafeteria each day or whatever. use this information you have gathered. If you've noticed she sits in the same spot for most lunches then put yourself in the same area. now i'm not necessarily saying at the same table but where she will be in view and where she has a chance to see you. if you are in the same vecinity then there is more chance for you to chose a "random opportunity" to go and speak with her. i.e. you might happen to go to the bin at the same time and you courteously help her. or she might drop something and you pick it up for her. you might accidentally bump into each other walking past and you politley apologise. should you get a chance to "randomly" make contact with her don't forget to introduce yourself so that next time she knows your name and you can perhaps then approach her as you've now been introduced. at the second meeting perhaps you can say something like- I mentioned to my friend that I'd bumped into you the other day and he said that you did judo. then you can expand on that and get to know her interests a little better. once you've talked about her judo throw in a little about what you like to do but keep the main focus on her. make sure you're interested in her likes dislikes what she does other than judo what she likes to do on the weekends etc. express your nterest in some of the same things (only if its true- don't make out you like or know about something when you don't just be honest).

 

6.if you really want to get to know this girl and be in a relationship with her I suggest that movies isn't a great idea for the first date. you can't talk and you want to show that you're interested in getting to know her not just to snog her in the back of a picture theatre.

 

that's enough for starters if you don't understand anything or have some more specific wuestions then let me know. will be glad to discuss further. I know it's difficult to build up the courage to speak to her but girls love a guy that's confident enough to approach her but not too confident to think he's already going to walk away with her. just show her that your interested and watch her reactions and listen to her. you will soon find out whether she is giving you good vibes back to say that shes interested too.

 

GOOD LUCK!!

[NR498E]

rescuediver said it perfectly.that kinda advice is priceless.I sure wish someone would have told me that when i was 15.There only a couple things id like to add.First is that you ask "open ended questions".That is a question that requires a real answer, not a yes or no answer.By asking open ended questions like "How did you get into judo?" will help start a conversation.Asking closed ended questions(questions that require a yes or no answer)will sound almost like an interigation.keep it light and be funny.Third if you strike out dont get down on yourself.Getting with girls is all a numbers game.For every 10 i talk to 9 blow me off.But i wont let it get medown.Every player does that.God luck buddy.Let us know how you do.

[make_up_your_mind]

Ok, thank you very much all of you.

 

But, firstly, do you think that I can plan my approach? For example, if I wait a little way from her school house in the morning and when I see her walking in through the archway before school to go to her school house, do you think I could wait outside her house and say to her when she comes along, 'Sorry, I dont know the code.' And she tells me it, and then we go in and then I say: 'Hey, do you know where the Year 11 day room is, by the way?' Adn she directs me. And then I can say: 'Thank you. What's your name?' And then, it all works from there! But, do you think that sort of planning is wrong? I mean, if it is then too bad for me. But, if not, still, it might not all work out like that. Like, there might be some twit who opens the door from the inside just as she comes along or something which will ruin the plan.

 

Secondly, I know she hasnt noticed me cos Im just a random guy in the year below. So, thereforeeee, she has no attraction to me. Is it possible for her to build an attraction towards me when she gets to know who i am? Anyway, answer my questions please. Thank you very much!!!!

[RescueDiver]

Spend less time planning and more time doing. The more you try to plan this out the more ways it can go awry on you. I dunno, I like the lunchroom idea better.