so stupid

[spaggle]

ok well, i mess things up..well everything it seems, but heres the thing last summer i had an amazing holiday with all my friends it was great! then when we went back to sixth form things seemed to fall apart really badly. i had my tonsils out and when i was in hospital only 2 of my closest friends visited me. and as i found out later the others decided they dont like me anymore because they find me annoying. they tell me i attention seek really badly, i mean yeah ive gone thru hard times and do have alot of baggage...but surely friends are suppose to stick by you and help you, not give up just coz of stuff thts happened to me in the past so i need a bit of attention.

Last night was my mates birthday party, and well im sure hell agree but he didnt have a good time coz he was depressed (coz i was talking online to this guy whos a mate of mine) and because my mtae who was throwing the party is in love with me it messed him up abit, so yeah thts the first thing tht i feel guilty for lasty night. ok the next is the guys tht dont like me were there, theyve been ok lately coz ive been holding back and hanging out with other people instead at sixth form, but they always tell me jim says things about me behind my back.

Jim was at the party, and he didnt say anything to me, and if i sed stuff to him hed just kinda look round but ignore it in a sense or just blow it off as a worthless remark..well thts how i felt anyway. and you know the look people give to say what on earth is she on about or the omg what an idiot look, well it felt like jim and chris were doing tht if ever i made a comment.

I was quite drunk last night, and i found out this morning when i had a text on my phone that id told jim he treats me like scum. he sent this text

 

What the f*ck was tht all about. treating u like scum. bulls*it. ive tried 2 b as civil as i can when uv been around recently, but wen u come out with crap like that, i wish id never bothered. attention seeking is fine, but not in the screwed up way u do it. is no wonder the guys find u annoying.

 

And that was it, ive texted him saying im sorry and id had alot to drink, and im not too sure why i sed it. but i really dont know what to do anymore, i mess stuff up all the time.

 

Any advice?

[PersonalMe]

hiya...well it seems like uve got a bit of a problem, but to sum it all up i just basically think the best thing for u to do, is keep going with your life, being ALWAYS very respectful, it doesnt matter how much ppl hate u or how they bother u or treat u badly(as long as theres no extreme physical or emotional harm) u should always be respectful and kind to others, maybe not now...but eventually they will see that u r a good friend, and overall a good person and they'll miss u, it just takes time to see that, and when they do realise that, its better for them to feel bad and say "oh, i should have been nicer to her, she was always kind" than for them to say, "i should have been nicer, but she was a b*tch to me, so it doenst matter" About your friends that think ur annoing, there r always gonna be those kind of ppl in the world, the kind that dont appreciate things, and simply dont care, the ones that seem that their only purpuse in life is to make your life miserable, dont let them make it that way, if u do, then it would just be giving them their way wouldnt it? u keep going with ur life, enjoy 6th form, concentrate on school, do what YOU want to do. its your life, there is absolutley no reason y u should depend on ppl that dont even visit u when your ill...live life to teh fullest...take care!

[BAS231187]

again im sorry for last night i was an idiot (did say sumthing worse but it cencored it, sorry). it wasnt ur fault i got depressed. your happyness means more to me than my own so please dont feel guilty.

[spaggle]

again its ok ben, at least i know your there for me, and just so u know my happiness is not more important than yours, we should both be happy