Help please!!!!!!anyone before i go nuts

[pickdaisies]

to anybody who can hear me.

my ex broke up with me 7 months ago. he said the relationship was dead.

we have a daughter. she is 2. i am slowly moving on. 2 months ago, he starts helping me with my kids again. he states he wants to be friends and see where it goes. i asked him why we never did anything alone without the kids? he says he didn't want to give me the wrong idea. he says he loves me and cares about me. but doesn't have romantic feelings anymore. he is struggling with this, because his feelings change so much because he doesn't know what he wants. we were together for almost 3 years. we do things together with the kids, but this is hard on me cuz i still love him and he will not touch me in any way. this man hasn't even tried to have sex with me at all since the breakup. i swear to god if i act disinterested or do not call, he is calling and wanting to know if i still love him by hinting around to see what is going on. the problem is i want no contact, but it is hard because i live in the state with no family and he and his family help me alot, but he is driving me nuts. the other day his family invited me to a lunch at their house and he tries to feed me a cracker. i am like what is this???? what is this 42 yearold mand trying to do and prove here? he can't seem to let go of us. he wants us and he doesn't... what is a girl suppose to do????? i told him that i love him too much to be his friend....it is like it goes in one ear and out the other///

advice please.... thanks

[cichlid]

I think he might want you back...well...you said it mostly. He wants you back but then he doesn't. When you talked to him about not getting back together, all he probably heard was that you still love him. To him he sees hope. He is confused...and one thing is for sure. That "romantic" feeling goes away, but caring for someone usually doesn't. He might have confusing romantic feelings for love and now realizes he MIGHT want you back. But this is not about him and his confusion...this is about you.

 

Decide what you want from him. Do you still love him? Do you still want him in your life? Answer those questions and then do what YOU want. If he keeps bugging you and you want him gone. Tell him more that you do not want him in your life anymore. No friendship...no talking...no nothing!

[sprkal]

I know you won't want to hear this right now, but don't contact him, don't take his calls and don't do stuff with him and your kids. Let him see his daughter of course, but don't go with him - you need to move on.

 

He is using you. He doesn't love you anymore but he enjoys the attention he gets from you and your love. it's an ego boost for him whilst an ego deflator for you. The longer this goes on the harder it will be to let go.

 

He will eventually find someone new - you are just the woman in the middle. Let go.

 

good luck

[bemyself]

If your ex doesn't feel the same as you feel for him, then I think it would be good to move on with your life and not spend so much time with him and his family. You already told him how you feel, and he told you that the relationship is dead. Just leave it at that. You can't change a man's feelings for you. If it bothers you that your ex and his family is calling or inviting you over a lot, then you have to spend more time with your friends or your family, and less time with your ex. Good luck to you.

[pickdaisies]

thanks for the reply. i still love him, but i do know that this can not go on forever. this is baffling for me. i was married once, it ended. it was cut and dry. the ex husband did not play games with me. now, here i am with a man i do care about and love and he won't let go. whenever, i try to discuss what it is that he wants from us and why he is doing this, he avoids the discussion. quite frankly, i feel used. what would you do if you were me? i have to see this man for the next 16 years.

[pickdaisies]

the problem is i have no family here at all. i moved here for him. him and his family talked me into it. when the relationship ended, it was suddenly like we were outcast and suddenly felt very alone. they include us from time to time but i do not want pity. his mom says, if you want to go out i will watch the kids..i am only here right now because of legal issues with the child. we go to court in march. i want to move in july. he has been stalling me in the courts. his family gets cold and upset whenever i speak of moving home to my family. sometimes i feel this is a game to keep me hooked on him so i don

t go anywhere

[bemyself]

Hello,

The most important thing to remember is that there is a child involved here. You want to do the best for your child, but at the same time you want to help yourself get over your ex. I think the best thing to do is to take care of the legal issues first and then try to move back to your family if it is possible. The courts will decide on who will get full or partial custody.

 

If it bothers you a lot to be treated as such by your ex and his family, then maybe you should let your child spend some time with them (if you trust them), and don't tag along. Until the legal issues are final, you can then decide what would be the best plan for you and your child to go from there. Move closer to your family and friends and find a good job where you have all the family support so that you don't feel like an outcast.