Compliments in the bedroom. Yet Dissapointment in my eyes.

[BlkOnBlkTeg]

Well... This is my first "thread" ever and first time joining a forum ever. I like to share what I've learned with other people so why not on the internet?

 

Anyway... I've had alot of sex. [Haha... wow that sounded bad.] Let me rephrase that... I've had alot of sex with a few people. I love sex. I labled the first half of this thread "Compliments in the bedroom" because I've always gotten them from whomever I was with. I've even been called "psychotic" in the bedroom. And "The best sex I've ever had." has been said often. BUT, although they are enjoying themselves and I am as well, getting me off is like burried treasure. Though sometimes the sex was so good I kind of didnt care if I got off. I mean, I cant even masturbate, because I cant even get myself off, only through intercourse can I achieve orgasm. And lets say for example, 3 of 10 can only get me off. Why do I have such trouble? Oral sex does nothing. No matter how good they were I never really could say I've enjoyed it. Some will say orgasm isnt everything, but for me, someone who has a hard time reaching it, I would like to experience it more often. Any advice?

 

-BlkOnBlkTeg

[darkblue]

Hi,and welcome to enotalone.

 

Have you ever reached orgasm through clitoral stimulation?

[BlkOnBlkTeg]

No I have not. No matter how good they were and no matter how much I did it to myself. Nothing. I just dont think I have any sensitivity there for some odd reason, same with my nipples.[-(

[darkblue]

You are not unusual in any way.

Some women just do not have a sensitive clitoris. It's not a problem; just a slight disadvantage.

 

Have you tried experimenting with sex toys?

It may be that you can only reach orgasm through G-spot stimulation; and there is an extensive range of sex toys which may do the trick.

[BlkOnBlkTeg]

No... sex toys are NOT a turn on but a huge turn off for me. Like masturbating doesnt do anything, I like another person there. I am comfortable with my body and love my body but I just dont do it for me. I need a man there, otherwise, nothing. Completely nothing. I just sit there like "Ehhh... ok... this is no fun." Fantasizing does nothing but make me horny and when I touch myself its just not cool to me.

[MajinBu]

Your not alone at all. A lot of women have a hard time finishing and some have orgasms only in certain conditions.

An orgasm isn't simply pleasuring yourself phisically until you reach it. It's also a mental state. Sometimes being at ease and relaxing is the number one ingredient for a great orgasm.

It's hard to explain but you need to feel pleasure both in your mind and in your body. Try to think about what turns you on and focus on that, match the thought with the feeling.

I hope this helps.

[BlkOnBlkTeg]

Thanks, I'll have to try that. I've recently talked to some friends about it and most of them require clitoral stimulation and some sort of emotional connection with the person. Where as in for me, the best orgasm I ever had was when I was detached emotionally and it was basically you know... like spank me and pull my hair BS. I even went as far as asking my own mother! [lol] And she said she too needs to feel something for the person. Hmmm... who knows????

[MajinBu]

lol yea as i said.... its pretty hard to have an orgasm while not thinking about something... but for some girls its usually just the connection with the partner... the simple fact that your having sex because you love each other can be orgasmic.

But in your case, you can always ask the person your having sex with to get into a position that you like... lets say for example doggy style.... while at it think about him pulling your hair or even ask him to pull your hair if that turns you on... lol

Don't be afraid about asking him though... lol you never know... he might like it too!

If your trying to finish with masturbation... then its defently one of two things that your not doing right... your either not thinking something that turns you on while doing it... or your not pleasuring yourself physically the right way, hey even stroking a guy in the wrong way can be a turn off (it is for me lol)... so in that case id say you need to try different things.... you never know.... it might even be anal that feels good for you

let me know ^_^

[Derek]

I don't want to be too graphic on the forum, so I'll try to be clinical.

 

Knowing what your body feels like to have orgasms is why people always suggest masturbation as a starting point for climax problems. You seem to not like that idea but there are some other options.

 

I have an idea to try, might I suggest you try spraying or running warm water from the shower head (with massager?) over your clitoris while massaging yourself and your body all over. Dream about your guy or dream about something you read that turned you on. Be relaxed, be sure you have no interruptions, light some nice candles. You can feel safe to let go in the bathtub with no mess and total privacy.

 

Guys and girls are not that different physiologically when it comes to climax. The main difference is guys tend to get excited faster and calm down faster after orgasm than girls. Guys are like a dragster, while girls take time to warm up like a regular car but can last much longer than the dragsters. Girls can peak multiple times while guys can generally only climax once, then the guys need 20-30 minutes to even 24 hours to be able to climax again. Girls are usually ready right away.

 

People mentioned vibrators and stuff...

 

From reading between the lines, you seem to know your body, I think it is more about the emotional and mental place you are in right now. I don't think it is a physical thing. If you are under stress, feeling frantic about life, etc. , letting yourself and your body go to another place is going to be much harder perhaps. If you are with a guy and feeling conflicted about making love with him, you aren't gonna be turned on either. I think for women even more than men, sexual excitement is a whole body/mind experience and it is harder to separate the two.

 

Those are the things I'd wonder about.

 

 

[Day_Walker]

I have known girls that only get off from intercourse and want nothing to do with oral sex and this seems to be the opposite of the general idea of what women want sexually but I dont think its that big of an issue. I think the issue that you are having is that emotional connection with another person, it could be that you like being detached from the other person thats why you could have the best sex with them. From the information you have given its just too hard to say what exactly is one thing you need to work on. I would ask yourself what issues you think you have and figure out how that could be related to your sexual activities and see if you can come up with an answer that way.

[CharLit]

Hi Blk,

Like everyone else said, you're perfectly normal - plenty of girls (dare i even say -most?) can't get off every single time. It's not that you can't come, you just don't always.

You say you don't like sex toys, because you like another person there - have you tried using them WITH another person?

 

Also, the very fact that you are worrying about having an orgasm could be preventing you from having one - that happens to me sometimes: it takes so long that I start getting concerned for my boyfriend's hand/tongue and the fact that he came ages ago and probably just wants to cuddle and fall asleep now, and will i even be able to come at all this time because it continually feels just out of reach, and will my boyfriend feel insecure about whether he's doing something wrong if I don't come etc. etc. Once i start thinking like that - not particularly happy or sexy thoughts - it's just not going to happen anymore!