Should I Tell My Ex I Love Her??

[Regretfulman]

Long Story Short

 

We Dated 11 Months

 

She Loved Me, I Didnt Love Her Back

She Wanted To Be My Girlfriend, I Brushed It Off

I Met Her Family, She Didn't Meet Mine

We Had Fun But Constantly Fought Over The Committment Issue

Finally I Decide To Ask Her To Be With Me, She Dumps Me One Week Later

Its Been 6 Weeks, She Broke Nc, And She Has 3 Times To Talk As Friends. She Wants To Stay In Touch, But She Is Seeing Someone New, What Should I Do? Should I Finally Confess That I Love Her? Will It Make A Difference Since I Never Told Her Before? Or Should I Wait And See What Happens With The New Guy And Stick To Nc? Please Help Me

[Mstyiyd]

wow, your story has some similar components to mine. We're in very close boats, so to speak. I know exactly how you feel right now. I would like to do the same thing. My ex is not with anyone at this time, but that could change in a heartbeat as her eyes are always open for the next great thing. I would recommend maybe doing what I'm doing: not saying anything at this time because you are so open and vulnerable (like me). We dont want to expose ourselves to any more pain than necessary. Unfortunately right now, I dont think you telling her is going to give you the response back you are looking for. Its her stupidity not yours, but that is what is probably realistic right now. I'd wait a while, do NC, maybe reconnect w/her at a later date but dont tell her you love her now. That will cause her to prob. back even further away, it puts someone in the "hot seat" and if they're not feeling the same way (yet or ever) the response will make you sink even further. good luck......

[goddess23]

well from your post my advice would be to tell her how you feel. this girl really did feel for you and you were the one to cause the breakup for the most part. at this point the person shes seeing is probably a very early relationship. better to tell her now before its too late. now ofcourse im not in this relationship and i cannot know the best thing but that would be my two cents. if she loves you, she would be glad to know that you feel the same way. and if she doesnt at least you can take it with a grain of salt and know its time to move on and not waste time on false hopes.

[Regretfulman]

thanks for your reply, i see where you are coming from totally. Some people say i should tell her before its too late, others think it won't accomplish anything. I personally think I should tell her soon, but in person, and right now she is avoiding seeing me in person. I can't tell her over the phone, that would be too weird. If she would meet me, I would tell her, then i could leave her to herself to think and maybe she would consider things more thoroughly. But i think i need to get this off my chest, its killing me holding it inside like this.

[patience]

what about sending her a letter? or have you already done that?

[nataliejulie]

You have to understand that she has to be totally hurt over what has happened. Is it possible to not have a committed relationship for 11 months? heh. I could see why she might have left.. the uneasy feeling of not having what she wants and you maybe changing your mind!

 

The thing is here.. Words are words. If you really want to let her how you feel, SHOW her. She tried for 11 months and got nothing back, ya know?

 

It may hurt to be friends, maybe limited contact would be better. If you go NC, the only thing she will remember is the guy that never loved her back.

[Regretfulman]

The fact remains, she is with another man now, granted it is a new realtionship, but it's still there, and i think i should respect it. She is unwilling to meet me and talk, and there is no way I can say those words unless it's face to face, not over the phone. I'm so confused, this really really hurts, knowing that im the cause of all this.

[patience]

I'm so confused, this really really hurts, knowing that im the cause of all this.

 

don't beat yourself up

don't take on all of the responsibility for what went wrong

[Regretfulman]

Im just afraid that this new guy will turn into more then it already is, and if i wait i may lose my chance to tell her how i feel forever. I guess my only hope is to wait out the new guy, hope that it fails and she calls me and misses me, i know she already does, after all, she is the one initiating most of our contact, and she told me she misses me, thinks of me, and cares deeply for me. She is the one, it seems, that can't let go of me, why must she keep in touch with me? there has to be more of a reason then just wanting to be friends, i think thats just an excuse.

[newts]

Do you really love her or is this an attempt to win her back? Sometimes you don't know what you got until you lose it and sometimes when you have lost them and they come back, you realise that maybe this isn't what you really wanted. Is it a case of I don't want you, however, I don't want anybody else to have you either?

 

Regretfulman, I think you should serious think about the reasons behind this sudden urge to confess your love to this woman, if she comes back on the promises from you that you will love her etc.... you better be willing to stick to them.

 

Life is too short not to tell your loved ones that you love them everyday, as you don't know when you may lose them.

[VeRiTaS]

Im just afraid that this new guy will turn into more then it already is, and if i wait i may lose my chance to tell her how i feel forever. I guess my only hope is to wait out the new guy, hope that it fails and she calls me and misses me, i know she already does, after all, she is the one initiating most of our contact, and she told me she misses me, thinks of me, and cares deeply for me. She is the one, it seems, that can't let go of me, why must she keep in touch with me? there has to be more of a reason then just wanting to be friends, i think thats just an excuse.

 

HERE YOU GO! SLAP!

 

Feel better? I do!

 

You screwed up. At least you can admit it.

 

Now, think very clearly. You've caused this girl a lot of grief. If you truly love her, wholeheartedly, undoubtedly, absolutely, you have one option. You will tell her. Do you know why? If you don't, you will regret it for the rest of your life. So, you can sit on yer as* and keep thinking about it, or go out there and do it.

 

What you have to make sure of is if you really do love her or if you are just missing her company and all of the usual habits you fell into. If you tell her you love her and by chance, she comes back to you, you better make damn sure you will not hurt this girl again. If you do, she will HATE you for it and so will I and everyone else who knows the both of you.

 

So, here's the plan:

 

You are going to think about all that has happened and how much you hurt her by never letting her know how you felt about her. You are going to search deep in yourself for the reasons for not telling her before and you are going to make absolutely sure she is what you want. You are going to feel the pain she has to the point that you know how you made her feel so that you can explain all of this to her.

 

You got that? Now, since you are on speaking terms, you are going to meet for a nice dinner. Then after, perhaps when you are both alone aferwards, you are going to tell her all that you have been thinking about.

 

You need to make it very clear that you are not telling her because she has moved on. You need to let her know that you have always loved her and you need to explain your insecurities to her and explain to her what a wimp you were for not telling her before. Then you are going to let her know that you deserved to be dumped for being such an inconsiderate fool. You are going to tell her about all of the sleepless nights you have had thinking about the pain you put her through by not reciprocating the love she gave you.

 

Now, you will feel so much better you got that off your chest. What happens after this, assuming she doesn't beat you with a lightpost or fall passionately in love with you on the spot, is leave her alone. Get it? You are going to disappear from her life. You will tell her what you had to tell her and you are going to let her know that you don't want to complicate her life any further. That whatever she decides to do to be happy is okay with you but that you felt it was something you had to do to get closure.

 

Congratulations! Now really leave her alone and show her that you do love her. Give her all the time she needs to figure things out. PLEASE stick to this. Do not contact her. If she makes contact with you, you are lucky and there may still be a chance. Only time will tell at that point.

[Regretfulman]

Problem is she won't meet with me right now, and last time we talked we got into a fight, so i'm sure she is mad at me now. She didn't call me on my birthday, and im sure she won't call today, on thanksgiving. I think its best to just go to NC right now and if she ever comes back around and is willing to meet, then i should sit down with her and tell her my feelings and hope for the best. thank you for your input