cheater still friends with accomplis, can still be friends?

[enziansfall]

Ok,

 

After a two year relationship, I caught her cheating. We tried to work things out, but that kind of failed. At anyrate, I've still been in touch with her, and we've still talked. After I discovered the cheating, i told her to cut off all contact with the person she cheated with if we were to have a future. She did this. They were friends and lovers in the past, but she cut off all contact.

 

Later, she and I broke up. She wants to still be friends, and I wanted to be her friend. Hell, I still wanted to work things out. We were talking this afternoon, and I'd kinda assumed that she had been talking to him again. I asked her how he was, and she admitted she'd been talking to him since we broke up.

 

Now, Obviously, I can't be with her anymore, especially since she's going to continue being friends with this guy (despite his moving away soon) because it simply invites getting cheated on again, and that's just stupid (right?)

 

But should I even still try to be her friend, when this person is in her life, even just as a friend or a long distance pen-pal?

 

Should i be outraged? I mean, she really was friends with this guy, but they really were more.

 

Is it spineless of me to still be her friend? Am I right to be outraged? I don't know. Somebody help me out here...

[Heretic]

It is alright to be upset about being cheated on yes. It's an act of betrayal that is not easily forgotten.

 

As for being angry with her for still being friends with him? No that's a bit uncalled for. Honestly if she still wants to be friend with him let her be friends. This doesn't mean you can't be friends with her, and it certainly doesn't mean you can't be friends with him either. Maybe he had no idea she was with someone? If he did know then I can understand you wanting to avoid him, otherwise there's no real reason.

 

If you want things to work out though it's going to be tough... it's easy to see that your trust has ben crushed by this incident. I suggest you move on, but stay friends. You may never have the same closeness you once had... but at least you won't lose everything.

 

I hope this helped.

[Chillyfrog]

ummmmm i would leave her alone you are crazy in the first place to take her back but i guess love does crazy things...Find somone else and no do not be friends with her it sounds like she wants her cake and to eat it too

[enziansfall]

Thanks guys... it's given me some things to think about.

 

To give more detail still, He knew about me, and was in a relationship himself. His relationship ended, but i don't know. i just feel that her being around him really makes things awkward between her and i, and maybe that's a sign. I guess, I do still in some insane way want to be with her, but to have her in contact with this individual makes that even more absurd. to be a close friend still just seems difficult, knowing he is still in her life, even if she doesn't "love" him or whatever, it seems like i've been fed dirt and now i have to pretend like i was actually ok with that.

 

i don't know maybe it's a pride thing, or maybe i'm just foolish.

 

yeah, i think i need more time to think about this.

 

thanks,

enziansfall

[Heretic]

Well I hope you can come up with some answers.

 

Honestly though, you have to give up on this one. It's one thing to cheat with a single guy and it's a whole other to cheat with someone who is cheating... She sounds like bad news... a real home wrecker

 

Good luck, just remember.... when you love someone it's natural to still have feelings for them no matter what they do to you. Relax let those feelings slide and move on. The most you think about them (even thinking about getting rid of them) the worse it sticks.

 

I hope we helped

[locolady]

Hey, really sorry to hear of your situation - like so many on here i can relate to the terrible hurt you are feeling. I was cheated on after 4 years and for what my opinion is worth i dont think you can be friends with her while he is still on the scene in any capacity. My ex and i are now attempting to build some sort of friendship but i expressly asked that he have absolutely zero contact with the girl he cheated on me with. It is slightly different since they were only doing temporary work together and not friends before. HE was due to finish that job soon afterwards anyway so it was less of an ask than it would be to your ex. However if she respects you and actually desires to be your friend i think she should make the sacrifice. Good luck, Sarah

[fishrrshortae]

I would leave her alone for now, No Contact, for no reason other than you are obviously not ready to be her friend. When you are truly ready, you will not care at all who she is friends with or not.

[yeawutever]

Yea, if I were you, I would disappear and go somewhere else where she can't contact you. U caught her cheating, she didn't even have the guts to tell u herself, and even so, it's never ever the same. If u work things out, do u really wanna drive yourself crazy wondering where she is and with who, do u? Or do u want to find a nice gal with values who won't cheat no matter wut?

[Eowyn]

OMG! These two sound like a couple of lunatics. I am aghast at the number of chaters that are out there. It all comes down to selfishness and truly, these 2 were only thinking of themselves. They did what they did with no regard for your feelings or this guys girlfriend! And, now, they are "friends"? I don't believe it. There's got to be more to that story, especially where they have been friends so long. I might be jaded though, I'm quite distrusting of human nature currently. I thought most of us learned the cheating lesson in highschool. I guess not. The truly selfish are incapable of love and thus, incapable of ever learning that lesson because they will never lose a person that they love. They only know how to love themselves!

[Rabican]

Its your call... if the idea of her still talking to him is a kick in your balls... then by all means stop being her friend. If the wound is that bad, then it is totally understandable that you could say "him or me" even if you are no longer dating.

 

She may not see it that way as you are just friends now, but you feel how you feel... and nobody but you can change that.

 

I would say if you were still dating then she HAS to cut him loose... no contact ever again... if you are friends... leave that up to your heart. If any time you hear his name you cringe then find a new friend.

[Cecelius]

Why would you bother being friends with her? Seriously, why? All that happens out of that is that she knows she matters, NO MATTER WHAT SHE DOES.

 

Also, friends have no real standing to demand things like that. She wasn't faithful when you were her b/f, why would you think she'd dump the other guy when you are just a friend?

 

At root, though, I think it's not okay for her to be pals with him whether you or any other guy are in the picture because is shows (1) she's not ashamed of what happened and (2) she does not understand barriers.