stupid stupid FEAR

[Caterina]

I don't know what my problem is, but I am really scared of men. If I know that I am even slightly interested in them, or if they are interested in me, I choke up! I can't be myself! And thats the person people would fall for. Instead I don't talk, I get shifty, and hyper sensitive to everything that is going on around me. I am basically really really scared of talking to the opposite sex...this is not a good thing. For instance, today there were a group of friendly guys over my house that others had invited...and I ran away asap because I was afraid of them.

 

Also, I seem to be really bad at gauging whether a guy likes me. There have been a few guys that I have thought liked me, and ended up not liking me at all! But then, there were some that I thought didn't like me, and ended up expressing their undying love for me...Am I completely clueless or something? I read up on body language, and that hasn't really helped much except when it comes to first encounters with men...

[ShySoul]

Caterina,

 

It's ok. You aren't alone in feeling like that.

 

I'm also bad at telling if someone likes me. And when I finally did notice it with someone, I was freaking out over what to do. What do I say? How do I act? It was scary. And when things did get more serious, I still froze and was afraid of letting myself go. What if something went wrong? Could I take putting my heart on the line and not have the love returned? Through the years I've always frozen when it came to telling someone what I was feeling. I could talk to them, but I always felt like I was hesitant and was ready to flee at any moment. I know others with similar problems. So you aren't alone.

 

What I've tried to learn, thanks to some wonderful advice from a friend, is how to live in the moment. Not knowing what to say and freezing like we do comes from our fears and insecurities. But we can't go around being scared of things that might not come to pass. We can't control what the other person will say or thing or do. All we can do is be ourselves and have the best time we can be. Put other thoughts out of your mind, and enjoy whatever you are doing at the time. Have fun. When you are doing that you are free to be yourself, be the great person you naturally are. And people will like that side of you, you don't have to do anything else or be afraid of anything.

[Caterina]

Thanks for the reply, you always have really good advice.

[ShySoul]

You're welcome. I really relate to how you feel. I'm cheering for you and know you can overcome this fear.

[orangecounty]

I could have written your post, ah it's good to see I'm not alone. I thought I was completely freakish, having a fear of men. I think my real issue is with dating, I think I fear dating because I'm so inexperienced. I can be perfectly fine and then a guy asks me out and I morph into this quiet, quiet, uncomfortable girl, I just hate it. I feel like they don't get to know the real me. I wish you luck in overcoming your fear, I completely understand.