im in love with a girl who cheated on me 3 times...

[confusedsoul19]

ok, well, i been dating this girl, Samantha, since 9/9/03. We had a nice relationship, we were in love and thought we were soulmates, and talked about getting married and having kids and being a family our whole relationship until....i joined the military. Then things started to get rough. I joined in like April 04, my senior year of High school. I told her i love her and this could be good, but i also didnt want to go. So i was supposed to ship out to basic training in June 7 2004. Now the whole month before i was supposed to leave i tried everything i could to get out. because i didnt want to leave her. So my recruiter told me to tell the drill seargent that i was having panic attacks, and then i should be discharged within 2 weeks. So i was just gonna do that....realizing later on in life i didnt even have to leave for this stupid crap to begin with. But, i left on june 7 2004, me and her were together 9 months at the time. I graduated high school on june 4, and that nite, she was at a party wit her friends, and i was gonna pick her up. this dude when i picked her up wanted to fight me for no reason, i never met him or nuttin. But i drove off wit her and he thru a beer bottle at my rear windshield and shattered it. i whipped my car arund and was gonna hit him wit my car but she told me not to. so i went home and called the police the next day. and they couldnt do nuttin bout it. So the nite before i was supposed to leave, i was wit her at her house, and she told me she loved me, and i walked away, saying "i know". no hug or kiss goodbye, that was it. that was a bad move on my behalf. So i left, thinkin i would be home in 2 weeks no problem. I was wrong, being i could write or call no one for 1 week, that sucked, because i went thru 2 1/2 months of hell. When i got back, she told me she was pregnant. She said it was mine. Then a few weeks later i found out she cheated on me, and that the kid was his. Well, i was pissed. But luckily this guy was in jail forever, and he still is, he keeps screwing up and gettin locked back up. So i stayed wit her and she had the baby in march 19 2005. I got the paternity test, im not the father. So, i still stayed wit her till recently. and the father is still in jail till at least april 06. Recently, she broke up wit me, saying she wants to be with him, she loves him and wants to give him the benifit of the doubt he will straighten up and be a father. And she is leaving me in the dark. Meanwhile, im in love with this girl, that i've been around for 2 years now...going on 3. And she also told me when she dumped me, that she cheated on me before this guy...back in like the first 4 months of our relationship, she said she was drunk and had sex with her brothers best friend, who was gonna start dating Sam's best friend. I felt so sick when i heard that....i was just shocked! and she still talks to this kid, saying they're just friends and what not. but i dunno. But i still love this girl....and still wanna be with her till the day i die, but she's just ignoring me a lot lately....saying she needs time to think about who she wants to be with....me or the baby's father. Meanwhile, i have to record, i stay out of trouble, i have a car, and a job...im in debt tho...but im gonna work my way out soon. but i wanna be with her till the day i die. But im sooo heartbroken, right now...because she wants to be with a criminal that she was with for like 3 weeks and all she does is write him and see him in prison once a month wit the baby. he tells her that he loves her and wants to be a good father and be a family and stuff. But...he cant love her...he hardly knows her, and she hardly knows him....and she's known me for 2 years! Im so confused....so is she...i need some help, or some advice to convince her to stay with me....

[volution]

This person is not your soulmate - how little they think of you, they have just used you.

I know the same feeling - I was with a woman last year, the only woman I have ever been with in any way more than a handshake.

We talked about having children, family etc., and I discovered later I was just one in a long line of 'younger' men she had used for sex.

FORGET FORGET FORGET about her...

I know it feels so utterly soul-destroying when people, even bad people, pick evil scumbags over those that would treat them with respect and gentleness.

 

DON'T EVER GET BACK WITH HER

She won't change - even if she comes back begging to you, just ignore her.

She has ruined your life, why let her ruin it anymore?

 

It's hard to forget, it takes (sometimes, many) months - I make no lie; there are far, far better people out there.

But you must heal yourself first, you must concentrate on you, making things feel better inside; and I know it will feel like hell without this person you still want so much.

Even after my woman abandoned me, I still yearned for her for months, and thought I'd never encounter anyone else (let alone someone better), but now I know there are much much better people out there.

But it is crucial, it is imperative, it is vital... that you work on your pain, and hurt first, otherwise if you are still broken, and try and search for another soul, you will also attract another damaged soul, who will bring you more hurt....

[confusedsoul19]

well see, she tells me she needs time to think, because she wants to either be with him for ever or me forever....thats it...she says there is no one else but us 2. And i've talked to her mom about it, and she says just give her time and space....and her brother too, said the same thing....i really love her...even tho she did what she did to me....i cant move on.....i really cant....i dont know how...

[xenakis]

The only thing you can do if she is confused is let her be. Leave...

 

I would say run in this scenario, but if you really love her just disappear politely. No fights, no I want you back etc...

 

Just let her be with who she wants. Give her space.

 

If she is yours or ever was she will come back. But, it should be on your terms.

 

You shouldn't tolerate cheating.

 

You are still young. I am 100% convinced you can find a much much better girl if you just go out there. That is what you should really do.

 

 

Good luck,

xenakis

[redandblack]

Step back for a moment.

 

Think about all she has done to you. Cheating, lying, and breaking your heart. Would someone who loved you do any of these things to you? What does love mean to you? What are you looking for in a relationship or life partner?

 

Based upon what you have said, I would simply move on. Don't let her keep you in limbo like this. Meet other women, date, and have fun again. You will realize that there are people out there who can love and be loved, unlike your ex.

 

Maybe she will realize what she lost or maybe she wont. But really, who cares? By the time you will probably have found someone who truly loves you. I suppose the hardest part is letting go and embracing the cloudy unknown.

 

Goodluck and take care.

[darkblue]

Ugh. Why are you still with her?

[RayKay]

Someone whom loves you does not cheat on you, or get pregnant with another man's baby, and then lie and say it is yours. Nor does she opt to "take time away" to decide if she wants to be with a deadbeat whom can't stay out of jail and whom she hardly knows.

 

It does not matter if they are sad you are leaving, or you did not say "I love you" back that one time, it does not excuse cheating. If she was unhappy, she should of broken up with you and done whatever she wanted.

 

Do not hang around waiting for this girl. Maybe she will realize she made a huge mistake, but seriously, she is not your soulmate. Soulmates don't treat you like dirt like this girl is.

 

You deserve better. You really really do. You may love her, but you deserve someone whom loves you back and is respectful, faithful and honest. Now when someone can love you back as much as you love them, and SHOWS it (which she isn't) now THAT is true love.