i dont know what to do, plz help :(

[always_hurt]

Hi everyone, this is my first time on enotalone, ive been reading through everyone's posts and this site seems so helpful. This is the first time i have been able to post my own so hope some of you can help me. Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years and at the beginning everything was great...i fell in love with him instantly and always believed that this was it, we were meant to be together. Just 6 months ago tho, he ended things so suddenly, for me anyways, and he wouldnt give me a single reason why he did it i thought everything was fine and it was such a shock to me. Like the usual,i too begged him to come back and told him that we would work on whatever it was that he wasnt feeling anymore, if that was what it was. He basically just told me to get lost and wouldnt speak to me atall. I was so hurt that after 3 years together he could treat me this way. I hear that just a week later, he starts seeing another girl but it only lasted a couple of weeks. Then a month after that he starts seeing someone from his work who he goes out with for a few months.

 

During this whole time, he texts and phones telling me that he loves me and how he's made a mistake. Each time tho, he regrets what he says and tells me that he didnt mean it. Well the girl he was seeing ended up cheating on him and he asked me back. Stupidly i took him back because i loved him so much and wanted him back in my arms to love again.

 

We're together now but i always feel sick and have huge knots in my stomach. The fact that he's been with other people because he got bored of me...or whatever his reason was....he still wont tell me what it was I have a huge feeling that its got to do with the girl he was seeing after a week, i truly 100% believe that he was cheating on me with her. I have no way of proving it tho and any questions i ask he tells me that im paranoid and to get a grip of myself He has changed soooo much...he's just arrogant and i know for a fact that he knows that id always be there for him whenever he gets bored and ends it with me. He's ended things 3 times so far but he always says its my fault because i have insecurities about the past and i need to sort them out.He's got me believing that it really is my fault that he ends things with me because i cant feel happy about what he's done to me. Im sitting in silence but im so scared. Im waiting for the day that he ends it again and hate whenever i feel myself getting close to him again just incase he leaves.

 

I love him so much and can never have imagined my life without him. But am i just wanting the man that i fell in love with back? or is there something worth saving if i just forget the past and him just ending things out the blue. How can i forget that tho? He's got a record of doing it all the time and i could never tell if this time will truly be different

 

Im so sorry this is long guys....i really hope you can give me some advice, it would be so much appreciated xx

[kellbell]

Hi there!

 

Welcome to enotalone! And hugs to you for everything you have been through.

 

I was in a relationship similar to yours, it was like a revolving door relationship, he'd dump me, come back, question his feelings about the relationship then dump me again. And stupid me, kept taking him back because I thought I really loved him and wanted to be with him. It just put my self-esteem and confidence in the dumps. The worse it got the more I took him back. Then the last time he broke up with me, I told him this was it, this is the final time, I don't want nothing from him or ever hear from him ever again. I stuck to my word and never looked back. That was 5 years ago.

 

For you, he is going to keep doing this. You are ti him, no disrespect to you, a "hollaback" girl. He breaks up with you hoping to find someone better then when that falls through, he comes back to you. Nothing is going to change. I am sorry to say, nothing comes out of the blue. You mentioned the breakup 6 months ago was out of nowhere, there were definitely signs, you just didn't see them or chose not to see them. But there are always tell-tale signs, especially when you live the guy.

 

My advice to you is to get rid of this guy once and for all. I know he is like a drug and hard to give him the ol' heave-ho but you have to. When he comes crawling back to you, tell him you want nothing to do with him. The longer it takes for you do this, the longer it will take to heal from this because believe me, it will take some time. Be kind to yourself and do what's right FOR YOU! For him, the grass is always greener on the other side, but in the meantime, he needs to water the grass that's right in front him. He hasn't, so let him go. I am so sorry for all this, I know it's hard. Feel free to send me a private message anytime. Hugs to you and take care.

[needhelp]

Hi there, i know this is so hard for you and i am sorry you are going through this..But you have to walk away in my opinon. Feeling this way is not healthy, and the way he is treating you is bad.

I have been through the whole situation where they tell you its your insecurities and its all your fault. But at the end of the day he is not the same guy you first loved. That is now gone. Let go of the hope that he will become that person again. He wont and he cant. You will never beable to let go of what he did. Nor should you..Its not fare and you deserve better.

Take it from me i know what low self esteem is. Dont let this consume you like it has done to me. To the point where you will stay because you havent got the strength to wak away. He will always treat you like this because he can, because you allow him to. Put your foot down..Life is too short!!

[always_hurt]

Thank you soo much for your replies, they are very helpful and its great to talk to people who understand the way im feeling, instead of hearing from my boyfriend that im paranoid and needto get a grip of myself He makes me feel so psychotic when i know im not. I wonder how he'd react in the postition where he has put me in. I know for a FACT that if i finished things with him he would make me regret it and possibly never come back. Thats what makes reality even worse, why do i feel like im the one who's lucky to have him? I know what my head's saying and i know that if i was a person looking down on the sitiuation id call the girl crazy! My heart wont let go tho and its keeps reminding me that i might regret it and he might be finally wanting to settle down with me this time and im ruining it by worrying that he'll leave again Love is such an evil thing! x

[kellbell]

Any man that makes you feel like poo or makes you question who you are is not worth it all. He makes you feel psychotic because he is insecure and wants to place the blame on you. The only one stopping you from moving on and letting go is YOU. Let him know you are hurting, he only makes you feel bad about yourself, and you don't want to know him anymore. Watch how is attitude change in a flash! But he will act like that because he wants to keep you under his finger. When you get to the heart of the matter, anyway you slice it or dice it, if you permit it, you promote it. Be kind to youself and try to get your life back on track-work out, eat better, hang with the girls, re-discover your hobbies or find new ones because you totally lost yourself in this relationship and centered your entire happiness on this guy. You can do it!

[bemyself]

Hello,

 

It sounds like your boyfriend is using you. How can you trust someone who has a reputation of going out with other girls. For your own sake, start meeting other people who will treat you better. Think about your future happiness. Sounds really hard, but you really have to try. This is not the guy for you. If you ever marry this guy, your life together with him may be an emotional roller coaster like it is now. He leaves. You take him back. He leaves. You take him back. Don't fall in that bad cycle. When the cycle gets broken, don't fall back in it. I hope everything works out for you.

[Liquid Dream]

Wow. me and many others have had this happen to them.

Walk away. Because while your with some guy who may not even care about you,

you could be looking for one who does, best of luck.

[christopher]

hi, i dont nescesarily fit in here because i am a guy but i have somethings to say. i have been in shoes similar to his.

when i first started dating heavily i always had a gf lined up for when my my gf at the time broke up with me i would not have to be alone because i could not stand the lonelness. well after a few short lived relationships i found someone who i got serious with and we dated for a while. then i got bored with her because i was used to going between people. so i broke up with her. then after about 4 months alone, by choice, i saw what i had lost an went back to her. since then i have had to ask for a couple of 1 week, or so, hiatuses because we saw so much of each other that i need some time apart from her.

i always saw what i was missing and we stayed to getherbut i always regret it and wish i could change.

if we have to spend time apart again though i am going to tell her that she needs to find someone with the mental capacity to treat her like she deserves to be treated.

that is what u need to do. find someone who can treat u like u deserve to be treated. he aparently cannot do that and might never be able to.