Have a Messed up all chances for her to take me back???

[mickmorley]

Ill fill u in on the story first.

 

Okay, well My gf of about 18months, has broken up with me about a week ago. She broke up with me over the phone while she was away for a week visiting her sister. Before she went away things wer great, I mean I love her so much... I relised a bit before she left, what i was really like, that I have to fix myself otherwise i will loose her, and I never told her this, I just assumed I could wait till she came home from her holidays and jsut work harder to keep her happy... However I never had the chance...

She broke up with me over the phone, and it was so sudden, like earlier that afternoon it was good, we were telling each other how much we loved each other, and missed one another. Then later that night, she was breaking up wth me.

 

The problem I noticed before she went away, were the reasons why she broke up with me. I am a Jealous guy, (thereforeeeeeee insecure) and I was fairly Controlling, however I gave her the world, and I loved her so much, and I still do.

 

Anyhow, When she came home I went over to her place to see her, and asked for another chance, and I am working on my problems. But she has given me chances before, and I always said I would fix my problems, but i never really relised my problems, Now i do. But she said there was no point, because I have hurt her etc...

I never ment for it to come to this... Now Im so unsure...

The next night she rung me and wanted to go for Ice Cream, We went for Icecream, and Talked, and I said Im going to chance, Give me another Chance, She said that she would think about it.

But I never really gave her space last week, I couldn't help but ring her and go and see her, because I really need to know if she would take me back.

 

On the Friday night, Things were good, she rung me and we went to get some dinner, and She actually held my hand and Smiled at me. At the end of the night she said "this doesn't mean we are back together, this means im thinking about it" and i thought Great!!!, made me happy to know that... We had to go out to dinner with my Neice on the Saturday night, and she was totally different towards me, Didn't say much, Only that she is still thinking about it.

 

I never called her all of Sunday, Cept on the Sunday night I rang her to see how she was going... and she said that she is writting her Letter of Resignation for her Job, and she is Moving away to live with ehr sister (about 500km away). And I broke down then, I was so scared of just loosing her without getting another chance. I told her I miss her and I want another chance... Then she started getting angry, saying that I havn't given her space etc... which i havn't, and thereforeeeeeee I havn't changed at all... Im just worried that I Screwed up majorly last night on the phone... Just wondering where I should go from here....

 

Should I hang right back, and Give her the space she asked for? Im jsut scared she is going to go out of my life without taking another chance on me... We do love each other... we have been through so much...

 

I need help? Im not coping...

 

Should I just wait still she calls me?

I have never done anything bad like Abuse her, Hit her, or Cheat on her... All I have done is I have been a bit Controlling with her, and Jealous, I mean I cant stand other guys hitting on her and stuff... But now i know that was stupid to think that way! because I do trust her...

 

Do you guys think I should get one last chance to prove I can do the right things? Should I wait until she contact me? but im still scared she is going to move away and out of my life forever. She is 18 and Im 20... We have commited to each other with Commitment Rings, and I was thinking This Summer coming I would Propose to her... because she completes me....!

 

HELP

[sisterlynch]

I am a lot like that too. Luckily, my husband is able to take that from me occasionally. But also sometimes it is too much for him. He still loves me but not that part of me. I am sure you can see what I am saying...there are all types of people in this country. Some who accept us and can comfort us when we are feeling bad, and others who are distant and who only want to be given things all the time. Try to get a new viewpoint. Take some college classes. You were not the best person for her, but that doesn't make you a bad person. She knows that she wants something else, and at 18 that is a very difficult choice. Try to make yourself appear happy. That will attract others to you. When you get a new girlfriend, remember not to put too much pressure on her. We are all looking for someone who will complete us and make us feel whole. Consentrate on what is working and try to control your jealousy towards her. Realistically we all want to be the only person in our friend's life but how realistic is that? Don't get so hung up on your feelings. Don't assume that you know how the other person is feeling when they are not with you. My husband likes to see other people as potential friends and if I create to many barriers to this then he feels trapped. Would you want to feel trapped? I am sure that you have some wonderful qualities and are a great person. Know that times and feelings are transitory. We are all looking for the best possible relationship and somethings you just cannot force. Joanie email removed

[mickmorley]

Thanks for the advice sisterlynch, sure puts alot into prospective...

Well new stuff has happened, I tried to keep happy all yesterday, and give her space, Late last night she rung me after going out with a friend and said stuff like: "I heard a song in the car and it made me think of you, hope i didn't call to late, I just wanted to say I miss you, and was wondering if you wanted to do something tomorrow night?" then she went on to say "I told my boss im leaving, but im thinking about sticking around a little bit longer because i want to train someone etc"...

 

Does this sound promising? and tonight, when we do meet up what should i do? ask again for another chance? or not mension anything about it and just wait for her to come to me...??? Im so confused, the only thing i do know is that Im going to change (my controlling and my jealousy) and I want her to see that, I want her back, because I love her more then anything in the world! I would and have done almost anything and everything for her!!!

 

HELP AGAIN!!! I do want to change for myself, not just to get her back, but I still want her back, I miss her!!!

[Shy_Guy]

You are caught in an unfortunate situation. You need to work on YOU! The jealous, controlling parts of your personality are the very things that will push her away, but I think it's going to be EXTREMELY hard for you to 'fix' these things while you're involved with her. She sounds like a very sweet and forgiving woman, one that any guy would do anything for.

 

Quite simply, you are down to your FINAL chance with her. Muck it up and she'll be gone, forever. You REALLY need to assess your feelings, and what DRIVES these control issues. If you can afford it, therapy is something that you should probably look into.

 

I wish you all the luck in the world, because it sounds as though you're going to need it. I don't mean this in a bad way, I just know it's hard to patch a hole in your boat in the middle of the ocean.

[mickmorley]

Thanks for the advice...

 

New stuff has happened... She rung me last night, and Asked if we could do something another night, because she wanted to go out with a friend she hasn't sene in ages. I agreed to this, cause I want her to see that i am not going to be controlling anymore... Anyhow I let her go out...

 

Later that night she called me back, and asked for one fo ehr friends Phone numbers off me, So i gave it to her. And then she said "so how are you feeling, did u have a good day", then she said "and how are you feeling about us?", and i just said "how do you think, i miss you so much". Then she went on to say "I was reading your card you gave me before I went away to my Sisters" (cause I gave her a card explaining that i relise my problems and when she gets back I will be a betetr person... however i never got the chance). And I said "well, I mean everything in that card! I do..." and she said "yeh, but how can you garentee you will change etc", and i said "well i cant garrentee it, All i ask is for you to Trust me, and Believe in me, and give me another chance, and if i don't change THEN i will understand if u still want to leave me..." she said she will think about it...

But basically im a wreck, I am so remorsefull for what i have done... and the way I have been... and in reply to the above advice... I am seeing a Shrink to help me fix my problems, That is the length im going to, to better myself!!!

 

I do need to know where should i go from here??? with her???

[mickmorley]

Also, Does anyone know of a way that I can show her that Im sorry, and that I am working so hard at changing, and getting her to believe me??? And give me another chance???? Anyone!!???

 

 

[arkada123]

Thanks for replying to my post. Here is what I realized. #1 calling her a lot and asking her to get back together will actually re-enforce the idea that you didn't change since you are not giving her space and pressuring her. You will actually push her away more. The problem is your case is that she is moving and you will not be able to prove that you changed. However, even though we think we changed ... change does take time. In the gfs point of view, is that they gave us chances in the relationship and however we missed them. So they believe they gave us enough chances and at when they broke up they believe they finally got the strength to do it and would never want to go back. Here is what I did in the last 2 weeks ..... I stopped calling ... she calls once every three days .. it is kind hard for mine since she has a new bf that lives with her but she still does. When she calls she does miss ... i never bring up the past and I never try to push her to see or anything. Here is what happened last call she called and at one point she said "tell me when u go & I will come with you" ... i continued talking about something else ... after 20 minutes .. she said " if u want to see me ... I will call u in 2 days and we set up something " ... my point being is you have to let her feel in control and come back to you. If she is moving ... then u don't have the time which is a problem. My problem is she got a new bf ..... he might end up being a rebound boy or It may be over for me. In my case, the new guy does not compare to me lookswise, intelligence wise and she told me this and she knows that. She even told me she trusts me and respects me more. At least she knows I am better than him ..... but the future remains unknown. What I did is that got on with my life so should u. You will even be more appealing to her that way. If she was not moving I would tell u you would have a chance. Unfortunately, girls sometimes break up in stages. ie. she hold your hand and take her sweet time while she gets comfortable with her decision. Hope I helped. You can compare our situation and what I am doing to see what u can do best in the short time you have. Most importantly .... never push her to do anything. If she says she is busy to see u ... even if u know she is free .... just let it go. Don't argue ... no matter what and never never appear desperate. I took me a month to gain my strength back and trust me I becoming more attractive in her eyes again, rather than the guy begging and calling her 2-3 times a day. Also... it would take time but eventually it will hit you that she may never come back and you have to get on with your life. I am there now. Good Luck.

[mickmorley]

Now i am so confused...

okay the latest is... She rung me on Wednesday night, and wanted tog et a movie and go back to my place. So we did, and then i noticed somehting was up, and i asked her what was wrong, she told me she felt unconfortable and wanted me to take her home. So I drove her home, and the whole way she was yelling at me, (i was being really passive and said very little), she was saying that I havn't given her space, (but she ahs been the one calling me, wanting to do things. Anyhow I thought after that night it was all over and she would never want to see me again cause i have never seen her so angry.

So last night (Thursday), I went to a bar with some of my old school friends, to catch up... And get my mind of the current situation. She ended up calling me, and wondered if we could go back to my house and watch the movie... Stoopid me, I agreed...

 

But it turned out for the best. When i picked her up, she said "i have some good news to tell you" and I was hoping it would be the news i was waiting for that she would give me another chance, but she said "i am going to stay here for a while longer..." which is great, and then i said "what about me?" and she said "im still thinking about it"...

Anyway the night went on, and we watched the movie, and when it came time for me to take her home, I said that i was heaps glad she is staying around, and she came up to me and gave me a big hug for like 5 minutes... I held her tight because I have missed her so much...

Then when i drove her home, and droped her off at her house, she said she will call me later on, and she lent over and gave me a good night kiss!

Don't get me wrong, its great, it made me happy, but I don't know what this means... I am so confused now... i guess I can jsut play it by ear and see how it goes... but if anyone has any idea of what that would have ment, please let me know!

 

I AM SO CONFUSED

[arkada123]

The good news is you have a chance which is way better than my situation. I am happy for you. Just give her space and let her miss you. And when u spend time together ... try as hard as u can to never bring up the old you. Also, when she calls you ... talk 2 her for 5 min ... then say ..... ur going out or something u will call her back. BE NICE basically be less predictable and let her miss u again. She will realize that u are giving her space and u are changing. Your chance is good. I wish I was in your shoes. My chance is way lower.

[arkada123]

I added you to my msn messenger buddy list. maybe we can chat sometime.