Breaking up and yet he won't let go

[lemonlovechild]

My boyfriend and I have been together almost three years. It was a great time and we got along great, but we live around 1200 miles apart now. I'm going off to college in the fall, and he is staying there. He has severe separation anxiety. Before we were together, he was on the verge of suicide. Because of me, he decided it wasn't worth it and got a job and enrolled in school. He was doing well for some time.

 

Unfortunately, he was very subtly manipulative, childish, and did anything he could to make me give in to what he wanted. For these reasons with me going off to school plus the fact we just began growing apart, I decided it was time to break it off. I tried NC for some time, but the phone calls kept coming, and my family eventually begged me to talk to him. For their sake, I did.

 

That was a mistake. I've explained how I feel in so many different ways, but he keeps saying "I don't understand, I don't get it, what did I do," etc. I don't know how to stop this any other way without him going off and impulsively doing something to hurt himself.

 

Help?

[CATLOVER]

Yes its a hard position...but you know what you want right now and thats the main thing. Its not your fault, its always a risk when entering a relationship that one person needs to exit at some stage. He is now learning this....we all have to learn it at some stage. Please dont feel bad...you are doing the right thing for yourself and for him if you feel it is over for you....although it might not feel like it right now. As was said above you cant control if he does anything to himself and you cant just placate and be with him so he doesnt...thats not right either. So hold your ground. Is there anyone he is close to.....like a parent or friend you could have a private talk to. Maybe telling someone he is close to that you are worried about him and could they help him or keep an eye on him....maybe then you can know you did all you could and hopefully feel free of the situation.

[PocoDiablo]

Yes, troublesome thing to deal with. I've done it myself - albeit a long time ago.

 

His problem, in my opinion, is that he is acting like a child. He needs to grow up, be a man, be mature about this whole thing. How do you get the message accross? That's tough. It all depends on how you want to do it.

 

If you want to be nice about it and invest significant effort, you sit down with him and have a talk. Ask him about his actions, and ask him how in the world he thinks they are attractive. Then offer him some advice to hit some forums, such as link removed and other relationship sites. I don't know if you can give him this site, since you are here, but it would be a good idea. It sounds like he has no friends and needs a reality check.

 

If you want to deal with it quickly, here is the one line that changed my life forever: "Stop acting like a big baby." It was a complete slap in the face, but it was true. It took me a few weeks to get over it, but it literally made me take the first step into being a man. Will it work for you? I have no idea, but I have used it once or twice and it really gets peoples attention. It's not nice at the time, but sometimes the truth hurts - and helps in the long run.

 

Realistically, NC is the only way to go. However, when this cannot be done, the opposite can be used if done properly. Tell him he has to prove he's really a man, start acting like a real adult, treating you right. He cannot oppose your decisions, and he needs to start taking you out to very expensive places. He needs a new car, and he needs a new wardrobe. Etc., etc. The idea is to make him have to try and provide something he cannot do, and make the effort so difficult he gives up. If you make yourself look like a gold-digger, most guys will turn and run.

 

Good luck!

[PocoDiablo]

You know, I just remembered... can you call the phone company and see if they offer call blocking services? That's a not-so-subtle hint as well. NC is really best.

[TiredMan]

here's the thing. You say you knew how he was before you got together and then you got together for 3 years. So wasn't that your choice?

 

He keeps asking what did he do? Why don't you tell him? You are leaving out the details of this. Did he actually do something? Or are you breaking up so you can explore college which would be completely your own reasons?

[bsp_kjm]

here's the thing. You say you knew how he was before you got together and then you got together for 3 years. So wasn't that your choice?

 

He keeps asking what did he do? Why don't you tell him? You are leaving out the details of this. Did he actually do something? Or are you breaking up so you can explore college which would be completely your own reasons?

^yeah that

[Snowdog1985]

how can i break up if i still love her, and admit i have problems.....

 

i realized i need help, and i have alot of issues.....but i wish she would support me in this.....lemon has been my friend for about 8 years now, and she was the best friend i ever had, i admit i was a bastard or whatever you may call it but i want to make it better, i cant give up on something that was so perfect for the longest time, and the only reason it fell apart was for reasons of Long distence relationshipism

 

i'm going for help soon, i got a doctor, i just wish she would call me, and talk to me like a person instead of distancing me to the point i feel like i ment nothing to her.

 

i cant lose my best friend........