Should I ask her...

[acuraman]

I spent some time with my ex g/f today and we had a good day together. This was the 3rd time that her and I have met up since her and I went NC for about 7 weeks. She was the one who initiated the contact. Anyways, while her and I were shopping together, she asked me what we were doing later? I told her that I had dinner plans and she had a sad look on her face. I told her that I didn't expect us to have hung out today and that maybe her and I could do dinner tomorrow. She agreed that dinner would be nice tomorrow night.

 

I was wondering if I should ask her why she decided to contact me after our nasty breakup? I don't know what she wants out of this recent contact with me and I am confused. She was very clingy to me today and she even held her hand out for me to grab but I didnt. Then she gave me a big hug from behind and held me.

 

Do you think it would be a good idea to ask her?

[flightymighty]

Need to more? Who broke up with who and do you want her back? Why was the break-up so nasty?

[acuraman]

Her and I started out great, but then she found lil things that I did annoyed her. I tried changing them for her, and in the end, she couldn't take it anymore and broke up with me. However, a day after, she called me and wanted to try to work things out again. I agreed and gave her time to think things through. Then the following weekend, she became distant and didn't return my phone calls and when she finally called me 3 days later, her and I got into a big argument with her. During the argument, I told her not to worry about getting back together with me and that I was going to drop off her stuff the following day. After I dropped her stuff off, she said that she needed time to get over things and that she would call me.

 

I stayed strict N/C and didn't think she would ever call me again. More feelings came back to me today when I was with her. I do want her back because I miss her so much when we were apart.

[flightymighty]

You need to find out the answers for YOURSELF - there is nothing wrong with this. If she can't give you a straight answer do what she's afraid of the most -get on with your life.

 

She sounds confused and scared to get back just because she doesn't want to hurt you again. Be her friend but only if you can handle it. It's about YOU now.

 

Hey, can you read my post and give me some advice....I am tortured as well. It's in getting back together.

[heloladies21]

Go get your answer. Find out her true intentions.

[acuraman]

Well my ex and I didn't go out to dinner tonight cause she had a stomach ache, but we did hang out for a few hours.

 

Tonight, I asked her why she called me and what her intentions were. She replied that she missed me and that she had wanted to contact me earlier, but her friends were agaisnt that, saying it was a bad idea. She said that she wanted us to be friends because I was too important for her to lose.

 

I didn't know what to say to her. I told her that it I still have feelings for her and that it would be difficult for me right now to deal with this. After I said that, she asked why we couldn't be friends and I said that its too difficult for me to deal with right now. I made her cry by saying that and she stated that "I shouldn't have answered the phone then if I had felt this way" and "that I shouldn't have agreed to spend time with her then if i was unsure."

 

Then her and I started arguing about some of the problems in our past relationship and things began to heat up. I told her that I wished she would have never called and that she should have left me alone.

 

To make things short, we somehow apologized to each other and she gave me an ultimatum to either stay and be friends or go with my decision with NC forever. I asked her for some time to think things over, but she said "you either know or you don't".

 

During that time, I thought about losing her again and I couldn't face that thought, so I agreed that we would be friends because I still care for her.

[flightymighty]

There is nothing worse than not being able to caress the one you love and BE caressed by the one you love. Sorry for your pain but you know now - she doesn't want YOU, she wants the comfort of you. Walk away proud and she will cry for days.

[newts]

Acuraman,

 

I am sorry you feel this way it's horrible, however, you can't be her security blanket or let her choose when she wants to be your friend and when she doesn't, friendships and relationships are two sided, where both people get to choose how that relationship or friendship is formed. It's her way or no way, I would take the highway!

 

The best this about being lonely is the freedom that comes with it.

 

Ignore her calls etc... You know it wont be forever like her childish response to you "be my friend or NC FOREVER, that's not friendship, it's her comfort at stake here.

 

Be strong, in a couple of months you will be SOOOOO much better for the NC.

[acuraman]

From what she said last night, she said that she was going through a lot of stress. Her and her mom does not get along at all, and recently her mom was in E.R, along with that, she has a new job that she is really stressed with, and worrying about her roomate that had threatened her, so shes paying rent and staying at another friend's house.

 

She mentioned that she didn't really have anyone to turn to and I got caught up in the middle of her problems. She said "why cant you just have told me later when things aren't so stressful", so I felt guilty and made a quick decision to be there for her. I guess im too nice to her after what she has done to me.

 

Im just going to take this one day at a time by not contacting her and have her do the contacting, maybe she will get the hint. I don't want to be the bad guy in this. Argh, so frustrating.