need help with family problem

[mimi80]

I had been dating my boyfriend for a year and we got in an argument about I can't even remember what. I was really upset and crying and went to my sisters house and told her how I didn't want to be with him anymore never wanted to talk to him again! Of course the next week we made up and have had no problems since then(the last six months). When we got back together I was worried to tell my sister about it because I knew she would tell me I was stupid etc, etc. She is the type that doesn't really like anyone and the friends she does have she talks about behind their back, basically not a good person. After about a week of not saying anything about it to her she called me and told me that her husband seen *Ron* and I together at the grocery store, and before she lets me say anything she tells me that if I am back with him or get back together with him I "will not be her sister anymore", and "not allowed to see my niece anymore". My niece is 3 years old I am very close to her. So, since that time(6 months) I have been lying to my sister and mom about being with him. I'm 24 years old and am having to hide basically my whole life from them. It is also a big strain on my relationship with *Ron* because he is having to hide his car in my garage and we can't really be seen in public together for fear that my family will be there. I would normally say to myself that I'm an adult and if my sister wants to give up on our sister relationship over this then it's her loss, but I don't want to lose my niece. She is so important to me and I love her so much. Don't really know what I'm expecting to hear for advice because I don't want to leave my boyfriend and trying to explain things to my sister and hope she will understand just will not happen with her!

[passions1]

It's awful to hear that your sister would do that to you. Why doesn't she like your bf? Is it just her or the rest of your family as well? I understand that family members can be very protective of one another especially with their love life. I agree it's painful that your sister would involve your niece as well since she is an innocent bystander, but some people can be very stubborn.

[Meow18]

Unless your boyfriend treats you bad, she has no right to act like that. Every couple has arguments. I'm sure she has arguments with her husband. That doesn't mean you shouldn't approve of the guy.

 

This has to be really hard. I really think that you need to come out and tell your sister. YOu have to eventually right? What if you and your boyfriend get married? What if you have kids? You can't hide it forever. So you need to tell her as soon as possible.

 

It's really not very healthy for her to take her niece away from seeing you. If you and your niece are close, it's really going to hurt your niece in the long run. It's too bad she doesn't realize that.

 

However, it's almost like you have to choose between her and your boyfriend, or else just live your life hiding. It's really not fair to your boyfriend either. He shouldn't feel like he needs to hide from the world.

 

Maybe if you sit her down and talk to her about it, she will try to understnad you? It's really sad that shes willing to lose a relationship over something so small. Has she always been like this over your boyfriend? Like, has she always not liked him?

[Meow18]

I'm also wondering, is there something more to him that your sister doesn't like? Has he ever done something horrible to you (or your family) that has made your sister not trust him?

[dzadze]

--> Real Friends tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear

 

We are unclear about how close you and your sisters relationship is. But keep in mind that sometimes the things we don't want to hear, are exacly what we need to hear. She could be thinking of you, and caring about you.

 

Vice versa,

 

We don't know how healthy your relationship is. He could be the sweetest guy out there, but at the same time people say "when you are in love, you are blind." I find some truth in this quote,

 

Only you can reallie sit down and make an analysis about the situation and make a better alternative decision.

 

Good Luck

[mimi80]

She is just a hateful person. She treats her husband very badly, but he doesn't seem to mind. She will put him down in front of the whole family and he doesn't say anything. She is defintely "the boss" of their relationship. She didn't like my last boyfriend because he was 10 years my senior. I think she has always not liked my current boyfriend but for no reason. I remember before this whole drama happened he was over at his friends house playing poker, and so I went to visit my sister and niece and when she asked where he was and I told her, she said "yeah, I bet that's where he is." Insenuating he was out with another woman or something. (She doesn't let her husband do much) But it's not just him she does this to. She is like this with everyone. She thinks everyone is a bad person except herself. Any idea I have is a bad idea, like changing jobs, or changing apartments. If my mom wants to get a different car or paint the porch, my sister is just so negative and blantanly will tell you how stupid of an idea it is. Having her own opinion is fine but I have never heard her say something positive. But when she traded her car in and when she remodeled her house it was such a great idea!! Sorry I'm starting to vent. This is just very stressful for me.

[Meow18]

Well, you know your sister. You know she tends to over react to things.

 

It's not fair to you, but it's also not fair to your boyfriend. I think you need to be proud of your relationship with him. Don't feel like you need to hide it.

 

In my opinion, don't tell her anything. And don't hide anything. Don't have your boyfriend park in the garage. Don't make him have to hide. If she asks if you are back together, say you are. There's no point in lying about something true. But at the same time, don't bring it up with her until she brings it up first.