I'm so confused

[Turrin]

I'm a 16 male and I've grown up around homophobes, I've always been taught that its just wrong to be gay. I accepted this for most of my life, but last year I discovered that I actually like men. I don't know what to do, I want to tell someone that I'm bi, but I'm afraid everyone will hate me. My friends are always talking about how much they hate gays, and I know my family wouldn't understand. What should I do?

[Tinkerbell]

First of all, I must say I'm sorry that you feel that support would be lacking from your family and friends...It's obviously hard enough to deal with your current situation as it is, nevermind with the feeling that you have to deal with it all alone. However, just because you feel that those closest to you won't understand, doesn't mean that nobody at all will. For one thing, enotalone is certainly a good place to begin in your search for comfort and support, and there are several online support groups that exist for homosexuals and bisexuals that would probably be in your best interest to check out.

Although things aren't looking too good right now, remember that they will get better. Your family and friends love you, and even if they have trouble accepting your sexual orientation at first, eventually they will realise that it doesn't change the wonderful person that you are.

 

Take care,

~Tink

[Jinx]

I'm a 16 male and I've grown up around homophobes, I've always been taught that its just wrong to be gay. I accepted this for most of my life, but last year I discovered that I actually like men.

 

I sure do hear you on this one, I am/was in a similar situation. My family is extremely homophobic to the point they preach they'd disown their own child over the issue with little regret. Where I live there is a deal of homophobia, fortunately though, I've been able to find an open minded group of friends whom accepted me after I came out to them and didn't make a show of it.

 

As for the friends, I've come to learn, a true friend will accept you for who you are without much questioning. It may be your age range too, usually the early and mid teen years people are just discovering themselves, depending on the environment in which you live it may take them a good deal longer before they can become open minded (if they do at all).

 

You just don't want to put yourself at risk, I'm assuming there are other gay individuals where you live but if the homophobia is that horrible they most likely fear what the result will be should they say anything, which isn't good for you but that tends to be how it works.

 

Most likely, the College years (if you plan to pursue a degree) will provide a more stable situation for coming out. To some extent people are more open minded (it especially depends what school you're attending) and act like adults about the situation. When you do decide to come out or pursue a relationship you will always have those which are quite nonchalant (Reminds me of a quote I seen somewhere and I don't honestly remember but along the lines of - I'm gay, pass the chips) about the entire issue, and there are others which will just not accept. Period.

 

If you want to tell someone and have a single friend whom you deeply trust, you can take a chance, but like you've said about their behavior, it might not be possible to do so without a negative reaction. Unfortunately, you may end up stuck in the closet until the end of High School. Not a very pleasing outlook, but worth the time if it saves you a deal of hassle and you're allowed to relocate where it will be acceptable without problem.

[Turrin]

Thanks a lot for the advice. There's a guy that I've been friends with since we were like 4. I'm debating on whether or not I should tell him. If he can't accept it then I don't know who would.

[FoxLocke]

Hi Turrin,

 

I've gone through the samething. Even though I am older than you I've just now accepted being gay, after being confused for a longtime.

It seems like the majority of us pop up in homophobic environments...which sucks.

 

Well, I definitely think you did the right thing coming here. It is good to open up to people that can relate to you.

My advice is to continue expressing your feelings here and to other support groups(online or in your city)until you become confident enough to tell people who you really are...

 

I have still YET to open up to anyone...It is a slow process. Take your time, and don't feel like you are a bad person. You aren't.