Just dumped... on my birthday.

[redandblack]

had to delete, sorry

[Lil R]

you seem to do all the thingss people would recommend but that doesnt stoop the pain....maybe if you just stayed firends? if thats to painful your going to have to bare it until you find your self to distracted to think of her now. just keep yourself busy and at night talk or watch tv as you dose off...make you not think so much when your alone.

[kellbell]

Hi there,

 

Happy Birthday!

 

Sorry about what happened. That really stinks. I guess she could have waited after your birthday. I guess she couldn't even force herself to enjoy your company on your birthday, her actions were definitely speaking louder than words. I guess the best thing for you is to start NC as soon as possible. She really did you wrong so if anyone should do the talking and contacting, it should be her. I know it's hard because you want answers and want to know what happened. But even though you may get the answers, will it really matter or help? Maybe it may make you feel worse. Don't contact her at all, no email, no letters, no texting, no nothing. You owe it to yourself to heal and stay away from her. I am truly sorry about what happened, not only because this happened to you on your birthday but because you lost a friend too. Hugs to you and take care.

[redandblack]

Thanks for all of the kind words. I'm still in disbelief. I slept about 3 non-continuous hours last night. I can't believe she did this to me. Well, day two and I feel a little better. Hopefully day three I stay collected as I am. I'll probably post every few days to vent or whatever.

 

Again, thanks for the responses! NC 'till death!

[kellbell]

Vent here as much as you like or when you feel a little weak and on the verge of contacting her, come here, I am sure others will talk you out it. Stay strong.

[babycristy456]

Sorry to hear that! That was not nice for her to do! Well, there are many girls out there that would want a nice guy like you but those guys are usually taken...And when they are finally single, all the girls want a grab... Look on the bright side, you are in a long distance relationship, so you won't have to face her everyday (which would make it harder for you). It will be easier for you to move on. Give it time, and then when you get over the pain, try to work out a friendship

[arwen]

In Holland they make no distinction between emotional pain and physical pain. I understand this now.

 

Hey redandblack,

 

I am sorry for how your birthday turned out. It is certainly not the b-day you want to remember. I think it's pretty low of her to dump you after you came to HER for your b-day, and use you for sex just for old-time's-sake? What is that about? Where there any signs apart from the long distance?

 

I quoted your remark about Holland and pain, , could you explain that to me? Just curious if I missed something very national here

 

Hope you will feel better soon. I think she owes you a better explanation than a mere 'I could be happier'. After a year together there are rough patches, that's inevitable.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.

[redandblack]

Wow, thanks kellbell and babycristy! I've done a LOT of reflecting on this, and I feel a whole lot better! She sent me an email in response to my 'final' email, basically refuting that statement i made about how I would have done anything for her by citing ONE thing I did way before I truly understood the meaning of love in respect to life.

 

It made me really upset for a minute, then I thought about it and realized that if she is just going to bicker about that one line and ignore all the others, whatever, I do not care. She is getting no response.

 

She was also saying something along the lines of "it's not really goodbye--as we'll still be friends and maybe more later".

 

I can't believe she would say that. If she wanted to be with me, she would be with me. I think she's dragging me along in case she hits the reality that most guys don't play so nice. No thanks! We MIGHT be able to be friends in the future, but only after I am positive I am over her. Also I must make sure I am becoming friends with her just to be friends, nothing else. I can't even look at her attractively. That will be the 'test' I suppose.

 

Anyway, I'm feeling a ton better and I would almost say I am almost happy. Every time I read these, I start to feel a little better! Thanks!

[redandblack]

In Holland they make no distinction between emotional pain and physical pain. I understand this now.

 

Hey redandblack,

 

I am sorry for how your birthday turned out. It is certainly not the b-day you want to remember. I think it's pretty low of her to dump you after you came to HER for your b-day, and use you for sex just for old-time's-sake? What is that about? Where there any signs apart from the long distance?

 

I quoted your remark about Holland and pain, , could you explain that to me? Just curious if I missed something very national here

 

Hope you will feel better soon. I think she owes you a better explanation than a mere 'I could be happier'. After a year together there are rough patches, that's inevitable.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.

 

The signs... in retrospect there were some, but they were subtle. Small things like not emailing me in the mornings, or writing really short and unthoughtful emails. I mean, it IS mid-term time so I figured she was a little busy and sort of stressed. When I got there, I noticed a difference. She was almost reluctant to initiate affection with me. Then there was the night.

 

Haha, the pain thing. Legally, I believe, there is no distinction between extreme emotional pain and extreme physical pain. They can both be treated in similiar manners medically. It's something that has always intrigued me, just like "godogen".

 

I agree with I deserve a better explanation, but frankly, I don't really care anymore. I figure there are tons of guys around, I'm only around one or two weekends a month. I was her first boyfriend and she probably wants to find out on her own what is out there.

 

Oh well. Lao-Tzu puts it best--"Practice not-doing and everything will fall into place." The more one involves themselves in things, the less happy they usually become. I should just go with the flow and see where it takes me, for now.

[Condor20]

Hey man, I'm sorry too for what happened to you, but you know what? You're not alone man. My girlfriend also left me for my 20th birthday this year, yeah... sucks I know. We were friends for 2 years and then we were boyfriend-girlfriend for 2 years but on my birthday she told me that she doesn't love me as much as some other girl would/should/could... and that she's been thinking about this for the last 2 months! I mean, what the f***??

 

I was good to her, really good and kind, romantic, everything, I met her whole familly from her cats to her grandma... So, I understand how you felt and there's more, me and my ex also had intim moments before we broke up and she acted different too, but you know, I'm not sorry that we broke up, yeah we had 4 years of knowing each other and I lost a girlfriend and a friend in one day on the telephone, by the way (LOL, fu*king sucks) but I'm not sorry, 'cause now I see that she's not worth of me, so f*ck her and her silly thoughts. I have another diamond to find

Head up, you will survive, believe me

 

Regards from Europe,

 

Condor

[thegirlfriend]

Hi redandblack, so sorry to hear about you. You deserve better. A guy who makes her a priority, makes her feel special... Wow, if I'd meet somebody like this I wouldn't let him go LOL. Keep it up, someday you will meet the girl who appreciates all this and gives you love in return

 

But just remember to give yourself TIME now to heal. Don't go out into the dating war and try to forget her by picking up a lot of girls. It won't work and only hurt you and them.

 

They say the average guy mourns 8 months, the average girl 16. So don't do anything spiteful now, just to hurt her in return. It wouldn't be fair on yourself and the other girls... I'm not saying you should live in celibacy for a year now, just give yourself time to heal...

[redandblack]

Thanks! I honestly don't think it will take me 8 months to heal from this. At frist, I was crushed and it hurt SO BAD.

 

Then, I had a realization. Why am I making myself feel so bad? Yes, I loved her more than anything, but if she can't see a good thing when she has it it is her loss. I began working on myself immediately, I though about "what changed in me over the time I was dating her". I realized that I had sort of lost touch with my sense of humor. I'm getting back into music now as well. Suprisingly, life is going good.

 

It helped a lot that my ex-girlfriend accepted responsibility for hurting me and she said she was sorry and all that. I realized that she NEEDED to go out and date other guys. She NEEDS to get her heart crushed. She NEEDS to get her hopes and dreams trampled upon. I could have kept her from this, but if she wants pain she can have all the pain she wants.

 

I understand what love is, now. This was the most valuable lesson I have learned for a long time.

 

All these kinds words help a lot. I'm on day four after my breakup and I feel so much better. The heaviness on my chest--gone, the overwhelming depression--gone, the wondering "why would she do this to me??"--gone.

 

I would really like to personally thank everyone who posts on this board. Without everyone here, I would still be so destroyed.

 

To anyone who is still suffering so badly--read read read. This forum can help unlock the answers that are within. The best advice is to concentrate on yourself. It really does help.

[moondog627]

Too true redandblack. I'm going thru almost the exact same situation as you. Yesterday was 3 months exactly since the breakup. Was doing pretty good till I had to find out she's moving on to someone else (despite her saying she "wants to be single"). And while that discovery set me back to day 1, it's now been 3 days since I've completely cut off any contact (that includes snooping and asking mutual friends about her) .Already I'm starting to feel back on track. I do think life will get better. However, my faith in love and marriage has been shaken drastically. I'm not sure if I believe in marriage anymore nor do I think I'll have faith in myself when I fall in love again. I guess I'll have to wait till that moment comes again. Still, I know my heart has grown colder. While in the relationship I lost touch with making myself happy (I was just sort of static), only doing everything I could to make her happy. In the end, she was "not happy" and there was nothing I could do about that. From now on I will focus on making myself happy and will never lose sight of that again.