Why Can't I Just Be Strong??

[romantic sweetheart]

Hi...my ongoing saga is here again.

 

I have been seeing him for a year and a half, on and off. I feel so affectionately toward him, and attached, and I genuinely love and care for him. But there are so many obstacles that tell me logically "Why are you with him?" My heart refuses to listen, and it's eating me up inside.

 

Problems:

 

1. Differing ideas about God....He is an atheist, I am a Catholic.

2. Communication problems.

3. He does not have a job and he's 27..(I know, I know...there's no excuse)

4. I want to move forward, but he seems to not worry so much about the future

5. Other hurts that have happened in our past......

6. I am more creative, he is more athletic

 

Everyday I tell myself over and over this isn't wokring, he isn't for me, that I should meet someone more like me, etc. But damnit, I can't convince my heart of this.

 

I hadn't seen him or talked to him in a week, but we spent the 4th together..it eneded up being an emotional fight again about all these issues. I feel so warm toward him, and want to hold him and feel at peace in his arms, but there are so many things we can't work out....I don't know what to do

 

For some reason, I just feel comfortable and myself with him, that is until logic creeps in and reminds me why we have been fighting, ,why we aren't moving forward, why we are stuck in the same fights as we have been for months.

 

In the past I have been able to let go of people when I needed to, but for some reason, I just find it so excruciatingly hard to let go of him. It's the worst pain I have felt in years.....

 

Can't live with him, can't live without him. How can I resolve this? How can I know how to let go? Why can't I just be strong?

[Momof3]

I've been there. I was with my ex for seven years and it was a roller coaster ride from beginning to end. I finally made up my mind that I deserved better. I moved out for good and spent some time without him (still pining away, but refusing to give in). I eventually moved on and a year later I met my husband.

 

Now I know how a man should treat his woman. He is my best friend. He is loving, supportive, kind, and forgiving. He never puts me down or says I told you so. We share everything, talk out our problems without the screaming match, and never lie to each other. That is what you should strive for. You deserve it. Step out of your comfort zone and try being on your own for a while. Learn to love and respect yourself and others will too.

 

Just my opinion, but think about it

[bzborow1]

You need to listen to what's best for you. If you want someone who's self-driven and motivated to succeed and move forward then he's apparently not the guy. If you want the relationship to progress and it is not then perhaps it's time to cut the strings and see what else is out there.

 

I'm assuming you've brought this stuff up to him? If not, at least give him the shot at proving if he's willing to do what it takes for you two to be together. It's not your job to change him, it's your job to find someone who fits your needs and coexist with them.

[gm38]

I feel your pain vividly. As I put in my own post this morning, I yesterday ended a one and a half year relationship. I love her immensely. But I also know she is wrong for me. Leaving the familiar (but painful) for the unfamiliar and for guaranteed loneliness is hard. I went to the bookstore today and loaded up on relationship recovery books. I ran accross a poem that seemed appropriate for me, and perhaps for you too:

 

To give you up.

 

God!

What bell of freeom that rings within me.

 

No more waiting for

letters

phone calls

post cards

that never came.

 

No more creative energy

wasted

in letters never mailed.

 

And, after awhile,

 

no more insomnia,

no more insanity.

 

Some more happiness,

some more life.

 

All it took was giving you up.

 

And that took quite a bit.

___________________

 

The reasons my relationship ended yesterday were the very same reasons I sensed more than a year ago. Leaving is hard. But living with less than you deserve is harder.

 

Follow your instincts. Good luck and take care of yourself.

 

Gary