long distance/cyber relationship

[BlueMan]

well, im new here so here is my story....

 

my relationship was cyber between 2-05 and 9-05, telephone and email/im only. well i kind of avoided getting into a realtionship because i wasnt ready for one, but this girl pressured me into it and i cant lie, i had feelings for her so we set a date. she lives 300 miles away, and i have no license or car right now so she has to drive to see me, or i have to take the greyhound.

 

after just one month of seeing each other, things seem to have fallen bad, she doesnt email me nearly as much, or call or IM me. and when she does call she acts really funny, and shes always online now and used to never be online unless she was talking to me. to top things off, she made a profile that says shes single and had sexual enuendo in there under that, for the first 8 months she never even had a profile.

 

i cant help but think shes fooling around because she holds her feelings back now and seems distant, and always gets mad when i ask her certian questions, like about the profile. id like to trust her but it took her 6 months of us talking to even tell me that she has a 2year old son, thats right... she has a kid that she didnt tell me about for 6 months. i just dont know what to do, id like to believe her but she has lied in the past, then totally blew me off for a week, then everything is back to normal, then everything is crappy again.

 

to top all this off, i broke up with her twice over email (because she wouldnt let me call her, her computer was always online) and we worked that out, and she says shes pregnant. she was on birthcontrol, and swears shes pregnant and that its mine. she came over last weekend and i asked before she left if we could get a test so that i could see that shes pregnant so that i knew for sure, and she got mad that i cant 'take her word for it'. yesterday she said she went to the doctor and the doc says shes prego for sure but has a chance of miscarriage and gave her a due date of late june. i dont know if i should just pull out(no puns on this one please) or try to stick out out with her and see how things go, because there is a chance shes telling me the truth about all this, but her track record isnt very good. thanks for taking the time to read my story, and tia for any advice.

[Lil R]

i have to say theres not many men like you that would stick by this sort of women...i think you need to meet her again and until you get the answers you want dont talk to her..if she thinks she doesnt have to talk to you why should you talk to her? if it really is your baby she would need your support and someone to lean on...otherwise just let her get on with it..she'll come back and if she blames you for not talking to her just say i thought you didnt need me any more cause she has a telephone she has the internet so she knows where you are i dont see why you should let her mood swings effect you...leave her and she'l come to you

[RayKay]

Ugh.

 

She sounds umm....like a real "prize".

 

I don't know about the pregnancy thing - she could be, or she might not be. Until you see a baby, you won't know. But if she is, absolutely get proof of paternity once the baby is born.

 

It sounds suspicious though - I bet you in 2 weeks or so she tells you she had a miscarriage.....why would doctor say she has a high chance of one?

Never assume that she will be taking her birth control correctly unless you have a high level of trust between you already established and are prepared for consequences.

 

 

Oh...and if she is due late June, counting back nine months you get to late September or around there, so does that match up at all? Not a guarantee...but if thats the case, the "soonest" she would of known was about two weeks after that point when she missed a period or something.

 

All her behaviour sounds rather bad - the sexual comments for others, the profile, the begging you to be in a relationship, not telling you about her son, not willing to take a pregnancy test...

 

I say, no need to stay with HER, she sounds like a nutcase and untrustworthy, but keep up with her in case there is a child. Is there anyway you can find out from one of her friends/parents whats going on. In case there is a child, accept responsibility, get a paternity test and stay in that childs life. The thing is if there is one, you are now forever tied to her....another reason to rely on yourself for birth control too!

 

I do hope she is just lying about being pregnant in this case though, I really do. She sounds manipulative so either she is, or she lied to you about being on birth control in first place...who knows.

 

Good luck.

[BlueMan]

she is a great girl, otherwise i wouldnt try to work anything out with her. but you guys are right, i need to slow it down or break it off with her but i cant do that until the 'miscarriage' comes. im supposed to take a bus to where she lives on november 5th so ill know then what our status is.

 

btw, her birthcontrol was nuvaring, i saw the ring in there and felt it too so i know it was in. however she wasnt on the ring for a week like she was supposed to be then she missed her next period.

 

i told her thursday that i would give her some time to think about our relationship, that i want out if things are going to stay the same as they have been for the past month. she blew it off like i never said it and i told her to think on it and call me when she made her mind up about some stuff we talked about. well i got antsy (like a fool) and called her at work saturday to bid her a nice day and say i love her, she said she was gonna call when she got home anyway and said she would call me at 5pm. she never called and disappeared till monday morning. im just not sure what to do

[RayKay]

Honestly, I don't know what's so "great" as you called her about a girl whom lied to you, states publicly she is single, opens the door to sexual coming on's from others, won't get a pg test to show you she IS indeed pregnant, disappears and won't return phone calls, and is possibly lying to you about being pregnant.

 

Does that seem "great" - what if one of your good friends was you, and seeing a girl like this, what would you tell him?

[BlueMan]

well put raykay, i have no response to that except its all getting more clear by the day lol. when youre blinded by love you dont see these sorts of things. when you do see them they fade quickly when you hear those three little words. thanks for the advice and keeping it real with me.