New boyfriend more interested in pleasing me...

[quickquestion]

I'm dating a new guy who is fantastic at taking care of my needs--he's very enthusiastic about having frequent sex, he often goes down on me, etc. The problem is that I feel like I'm the one having all the fun. When I try to reciprocate, he'll often tell me not to worry about it. When I do perform oral on him or when we're having vaginal sex, I honestly can't tell when he's cum. He'll always say he's about to, but I don't notice any sort of a big finish. I've tried talking to this guy about it, and he keeps insisting that he's having a great time. Meanwhile, I'm trying all my usual tricks (and some new tricks!), and I feel like I'm getting zero response. I really would like to drive him crazy. Should I believe him when he says he's having a good time and just enjoy the orgasm train? I should mention that he often has a few drinks when we're hanging out. Could this be affecting his orgasms? Thanks in advance for your responses.

[Serendipity1607307077]

Alcohol definitely does affect male performance.

 

Ask him what he enjoys, it's great to have orgasms and whatnot but both partners have to enjoy it!

 

Don't worry, I don't notice when my partner is finished either... and then I'm like "Oh, it's finished? Ok.."

[slayer]

OK i dont know about the drinks part, i am below drinking age so i dont know its effects. But If you are having fun i dont see whats wrong, i know most people would kill to have their needs met every time, lol. As for a lack of a big finish, i dont know. Maybe he masturbates a lot, and well the testicles arent super machines, they need some time. Or amybe he doesnt know his body well enough to know he hasnt really gotten ther (usually you get to know yourself through masturbation)

[Lacuna]

Sounds like he's insecure to me. Guys (people) who are insecure are often so focused on trying to make a good impression that they can't relax enough to enjoy themselves. Years ago with one of my first experiences I had a hard time even getting it up because I was so self conscious and did whatever it took to impress my partner, turning evertime we had sex into a test of performance - it's only now that I'm more secure I've become the selfish prick in bed I was always meant to be....

 

If this is the case then I wouldn't worry - lay back and just enjoy it. As he gets more comfortable and sure of himself he'll grow more relaxed. All too often girls seem to forget that guys have self esteem issues too.

 

At the same time it might be a good idea to explain to him that it makes you feel good to know he's enjoying himself.

[Beec]

I don't think you should be worrying that much. He likes it, so what's the worry.

 

However, if you really want to drive him nuts, I'd recommend switching things around. I know of one women who had a buddies situation with one guy. Wanting to drive him nuts, so he'd want her more, she changed everything. One night she wnet over, took charge, was dressed in soemthing that made her accessible, made him sit, told him to perform some oral on her, then got on, rode him until he got off, and then began to leave. She left and told him he might get more of the same, if he was good. The guy reacted to become almost too into her. From friends and little more, she made him obsessed with her. Now, she had to let it slide bakc a biut, or it would not last, but it worked to change everything.

 

Not suggesitng you do this or even something like it, but changing your approach could work well at driving him crazy.

 

The hottest thing I pretty much ever experienced was when a woman met me at her door ina teddy and bascially attacked me. Yow, that was good.

 

If you want to drive him wild, you need to get into his head. Try different things and when something works file the info away and bring it out every once in a while. Switch things up regularly, if you can.

[cal_014]

well i am one of these guys that prefer to please rather than accept certain things but believe me if u like to please and u r successfull then we're satisfied basically. everyone is different obviously but thats how i am

[lisica]

Hi quickquestion,

 

Your guy might be experiencing a condition called "retarded ejaculation" (RE). Such guys usually make very good lovers because they can keep it up for a very long time (even an hour or more) and they are very focused on pleasing their partner. In fact, they are so unselfish in wanting to please their partner that they can not get to a big finish themselves. However when they masturbate by themselves, they have no problem finishing in a few minutes.

 

RE comes in different degrees: some of these men can only finish when they are by themselves, some can do it with a partner in the same room if she is blindfolded or doing something unrelated such as reading a magazine, some can even allow their partner to touch them.

 

I do not agree with what some of the other posters said, namely that there is no problem as long as he tells you that he is enjoying himself. RE guys have problems maintaining relationships because often the woman feels unattractive and leaves. So in this sense it is definitely a problem.

 

RE is a sexual dysfunction. Obviously it is not his fault. It is not your fault either and that is very important to realize, because if you try all your tricks and you do not have any success, you might start to think that he is not attracted to you and/or that you are doing things wrong. However this is not the case: he is very attracted to you because otherwise he would not be with you and want to please you so much; he is enjoying sex with you very much but something in his mind is blocking him from enjoying it even more. [/url]

[SLMitchell918]

Don't worry about it! It sounds to me like he enjoys pleasing you more than anything. Some guys really like making the woman happy and that tends to be what drives him crazy. Geeze , i think i am jealous Lay back and enjoy the show girl! If he says it makes him happy then happy happy joy joy for you!!!!