Can you learn to respect someone?

[jenniferlh]

In counseling my boyfriend of ten years said that he did not respect me. He feels this is something he can change. After 10 years, can you begin to respect someone?

[teacup]

if he didnt then, he wont now.

 

he doesnt respect you.

 

i think u should dump him.

[TiredMan]

The fact that he is in counseling should tell you that he is trying.

[theantibarbie23]

Why would you want to stay with someone whom hasn't held you in very high regard for the past ten years? Respect for an individual isn't something you can program yourself to feel. You'd be better off without him if that's really the way he feels. That's just my opinion...

[BillyJean714]

I like how Teacup put it.

 

When you lose respect for someone, is it easy for you to gain it back?

 

When I lose respect for someone, sure, no doubt, I can gain it back, but once it's broken, it's never truly the same. At least for me, that's how it works. I can forgive, but I can't forget. Better to cut your losses. Besides, after 10 years of dating, has he proposed? Don't mean to probe, but the clock is ticking, and time is precious- why waste it on someone who doesn't even respect you.

 

When it comes to love, there is no forcing it. Respect is a part of love, among other things such as admiration, honesty, sincerity and true devotion.

[nenez]

Your boyfriend probabaly does not respect himself.

Do you respect yourself? Do you give in, curry favour, bend over backwards to keep him?

Does he demand all the time and not give?

If the naswer to any of these is yes you can change. And you changing will help him to change.

Its good that you are trying.

Rememeber though, if you have your self respect you may realise you don't need the approval of someone who is so reluctant to give it.

Good luck

With love always

Nenez xx

[Beec]

Our respect for people is often based on how they act. You can dislike someone and resepct them, or at least respect things about them. But if they let you treat them with disresepct, it will be difficult to respect them.

[Hope75]

So, have you decided to leave your new bf and try to work things out with the old bf?

[armchairshrink]

In counseling my boyfriend of ten years said that he did not respect me. He feels this is something he can change. After 10 years, can you begin to respect someone?

 

People in the military will tell you that respect is earned, not given. And while we're talking about a slightly different form of respect here, the concept is the same. He would have to change his perception of you to someone who is worthy of his respect. This is very hard to do, especially if he's gotten into a habit of thinking poorly of you. It's also going to be hard if he saw this kind of disrespect between his parents (you don't say if that's the case).

 

In my mind, love and respect are linked very closely. It's extremely difficult to love someone you can't respect. So if he doesn't respect you, does he still love you? If not, why is he still in the relationship? If so, how can he not respect you? Do you respect him, especially now that you've found out how he feels? And do you respect yourself?

 

I'm assuming there are other problems if one or both of you are in counseling. Do those problems impact his lack of respect for you? It's hard to answer your question without some background.

[jenniferlh]

No. I hve not left my current boyfriend for the new one. My boyfriend started coming to my couseling sessions. He has a tendency to minipulate me; charm me; tell me what he thinks I may want to hear. By going to my couseling sessions with me, I figured he would have a less chance of "snowballing" her. I think hearing what I was trying to get accross to him, from another person, gave him further insight. The sessions were not actually couples counseling. If I choose to reconcile with him, we definatly will need to go into a couples situation.

 

Did I respect him? Absolutely. Did I love him? Absolutely. Did I respect myself? No. By leaving after 10 years, he has found that act to be respectable. I spoke to him last evening to clarify the "no respect" issue. He retracted his statement by saying he only meant that he did not respect my opinions and did not treat me in a respectable way.

 

Is there a difference?

[Jessy]

No respect is no respect.... Did he even say why it is he doesn't respect you?