Where is all this info on NC

[eddie500]

I hear people bringing up NC (no contact) on this forum. But are there any articles etc. about this? Where are they?

 

Thanks.

[friendly_fairy]

Exactly what I'd like to know. No Contact seems to have become a very commonly used term when it comes to relationships.

 

Is there actually some proof it's worth doing. And for how long?

What are the pro's and con's?

[Bethany]

No contact gives you some time to 'center' yourself and gives your feelings and thoughts time to calm down so you can make mature decisions about the future so you dont end up phoning them, mailing them telling them all your feelings, crying on the phone and looking like you can't handle it and then regretting it etc, or if you are the 'dumper' and not the dumpee, it gives you some space to recover and know that you have done the right thing and the other person should respect that and agree to no contact.

No contact takes inner strength and courage to stand alone and also makes sure you hold onto your self respect when you have been hurt or rejected.

[friendly_fairy]

But what does it mean when you're still in a relatioship? Can it save something?

[darkblue]

But what does it mean when you're still in a relatioship? Can it save something?

 

Why would you NC during a relationship?

[Bethany]

Yes, I do think it can save something. It can stop things getting too emotionally out of control which only leads to a spiralling vortex of pain and emotional stress when things are going wrong.

It gives you some time to get yourself together without over charged emotions getting in the way which leads to worse arguments which could have been avoided by No Contact. Otherwise, the vicious circle of pain becomes unbearable for both of you and will stop you being together PERMANENTLY.

[darkblue]

I don't think that's right.

If you are in a relationship, there should be open communication to solve problems. Not shut down and hope it goes away; that will just encourage anger, resentment and frustration.

[Bethany]

It's a decision that should be made TOGETHER. I've been on the other side of a relationship that's been hurtful and Explosive to say the least an it ground me down. To take some time out to gather my thoughts and feelings and to calm down was just what I needed.

We are happier now than we have ever been because we dont over react to what each other say and 'fight it out' emotionally anymore. We discuss things and see what each other were doing to each other and now can talk things through which can only be a good thing?

[darkblue]

That would be taking a break. Which somtimes is beneficial.

[friendly_fairy]

Normally, I'd think so too, darkblue.

Problem is, I'm now going through the whole 'no contact' thing with my boyfriend who says he needs time, but claims he doesn't want to break up with me.

So theoretically, how long can 'no contact' within a relationship be maintained without damaging it?

[friendly_fairy]

Sorry, question has been answered. Please ignore my last post.

[L8RISER]

eddie500,

 

Pick up any book on healing after a break up and you will find info on NC.

[DropToZero]

But what does it mean when you're still in a relatioship? Can it save something?

 

Why would you NC during a relationship?

 

Yea it's useful even during a relationship to some extent, just when using it then, be wary of the consequences...it's kinda like gambling when using it in a relationship...big win or big loss.

[OrlandoGator]

I highly recommend the following book (Link Below) to Get Your Lover Back : Successful Strategies for Starting Over (& Making It Better Than It Was Before) (Paperback) BY Blase Harris.

 

My fiance/girlfriend of four years recently broke up with me, called off the wedding, the whole 9 yards. We had broken up once before two years ago and I followed the book to a T and it worked rather well.

 

Unfortunately, as I got more comfortable with my girlfriend again I did not follow the books advice about remembering to love your partner 100%, so I am where I am at now. I found that loving someone teh right way involves a lot of work and you have to be willing to give it both during teh good and bad times.

 

To further compound my recent breakup, at first I did the opposite of what the book advised because we were engaged and I couldn't believe it (Bottom line I went psycho). Finally I picked up the book and I am following its instructions (along with other things to make myself better). But I did so much extra damage that I have a long road ahead of me.

 

All that I can say, is that if you do follow the book and it works for you. Don't tuck it away, you have to remember to love 100%, or you will be right back at square 1, one day.

 

 

link removed

[heloladies21]

Here's the full explanation of No Contact

 

link removed

[ShySoul]

No contact in a relationship I'd compare to a separation in a marriage. You aren't ready to call it quits, but you need time to sort things out and deal with whatever issues are causing you problems. Personally, I don't believe in it and it hasn't helped me any. So be careful.

[Confusedwon]

Im glad I stumbled accross this post. I have posted about my bf in several other posts, but hings inour 1 yr relationship have changed. Last Thursday he Told me he was taking a 2 week break... I asked if this meant we were broken up/ single again... he said no, we are just taking a break. I am hurt and confused and really concerned because I am having a very hard time w/it. I t was last Thurs he told me about the break. That he needed to "re-charge" his batteries otherwise he would have none left for me.... I asked why it had to be for 2 weeks and he said he wasnt about to rack his brain over 72 hours re he wanted to do w/us... So that leaves me to wonder if he is even going to come back... I txt him Fri eve to say I Love you... and then I had a very bad day sat and txt asking him to compromise, but he replied he was busy @wk and I didnt hear anything else... I have not contacted him again since so its been just about 3 days w/no contact... I dont know what to do... I hate this feeling of helplessness wonderng if I even still have a relationship... Im also buildingresentment towards him not even caring to compromise... How can you truly love someone and do this.... Also, why does a break mean no contact at all??? Am I supposed to not contact him???

[friendly_fairy]

Okay, just for the record, the so-called 'break' has been dragging on for over a month, now. I've now summarized all the things he ever did that hurt me and I'm honestly asking myself why I ever gave him that second chance. I am going to tell him it's definitely over once and for all when he tries to contact me again.

Surprisingly the decision hasn't been hard at all and I'm even happy about it.

And here's a note to all you guys out there: If you've ever had any fights with your long-distance girlfriend and suggest a break - don't. If it gets too long, it'll only drive them away from you since you're giving them too much time to think it over. There's always a risk they never want to see you again, so be very careful and always honest.

 

As for my case, I know one thing for sure - I can do better! Much better.