Share your progress here!

[coooolsome]

OCD

 

Yeah thats the right approach. I fear that I pushed my ex away completely. I guess everything happens for a reason and my only choice now is to move on. Take the experience I gained and learn from them. Its so hard to move on when you love someone so much. I still think of her constantly and have been forcing myself to stop. I wish she would call me but I know she wont. I no longer expect her to call or email or im me anymore. I have done to much damage for now and I can only hope she forgives me one day and maybe we can be friends.

 

Take things slow. You dont need her. You are doing great.

[AC874]

Well 1 week since I decided to see her.

 

Ive been feeling progressively better, but I just get these ups and downs. I worry that she is dating seeing other people. Sometimes I pick up the phone and start to dial then hang up.

 

I just wanna get her out of my flippin head.

[Echo]

AC, I just recently started talking to my ex again..I'm wondering how I should react if he tells me he's seeing someone else. Should I resume NC again? Just maintain a "friendship" until we see what happens?

 

He said for now he is interested in talking again...but I would like him back. How shold I proceed?

[Rickster]

OCD the only thing you're doing wrong is you are expecting something. its going to make you feel bad. dont expect anything. dont expect her to call you more often. dont expect her to tell her more about herself. dont expect her to return any respect to you. its only going to hurt you. dont have any expectations. do what you feel is right, but dont think about what might happen. just let the future decide for itself. if you dont expect something and you get a good response you'll feel even more happy than if you were expecting something. in addition, if you expect something, you will want to force something out of it, dont force anything, its only going to push her away.

 

 

i havent called my ex for almost 2 weeks. i guess its another NC. but ill call her, just to keep the communication line open. she hasnt contacted me since almost 2 weeks. hopefully she will open herself more. i finally have things to talk to her about.

[coooolsome]

Yeah, OCD you do expect to much. You need to talk and treat her like a person you are just friends with. Dont expect anything to happen.

 

My update: I broke NC today b/c my ex was in the hospital and I called to see how she was. I left a voice message and she called back an hour later. Funny thing is, I was talking to my buddy when she called and I didnt feel like answering. After I ended my convo with my buddy, I listened to the VM she left and I didnt feel like calling her back.

 

Im not saying im over her, but the need to talk to her and see her are disappearing. I do care about her and that is the only reason I called. Im not the type of person who would just say, she isnt in my life anymore so I dont care. I wont change the person I am to try to get her back.

 

Anyway, it feels good that she doesnt have that power over me anymore. If she called right now, I would probably not answer it.

 

She likes some guy who like her too. However funny thing is, she has already mentioned to a friend of mine how she wants to change him already. They arent even going out and she wants him to stop smoking. Plus this is the 2nd crush she now has had since the breakup. 1st one was a jerk and tried to use her.

 

Funny how some people dont realize what they had. I guess if I had done NC then it might be different now. But the thing I realized today is that my ex is completely different than what she used to be. She seems to act like a 16 year old now.

 

Also, after talking to my buddy, the only thing I did wrong was I loved her. That is it. Yes I made mistakes, but everyone does. At least I never cheated on her, or made her feel bad, or hit her. I did everything for her and she dropped me. Never again.

[OCD]

Hi guys,

I'm really trying not to expect anything from her and I do try to talk to her like a friend, just not a good friend. I really don't want to talk about who we're both dating, she seems to be really comfortable with that. She says you can tell me, but I don't because I don't want to know what she's doing so I just keep it friendly. Not that she tells me a whole lot about her self any way...I guess it's just hard for me to talk to her because there still is some pain there that she left me the way she did and it's really hard to just tell her every little detail about myself now. Is it fare that she wants to know every detail about my life now? Should I be ok with telling her everything like I used to? Isn't that setting me up to get hurt again?? Thanks.

[Hawk]

Sooner or later we all get to the point where we realise that hanging on in the hope that we will get back together just won't happen. I don't know if it is them playing games with us, or trying to be gentle in letting us down. I do know that it would be far easier if they were to respect the rules of NC.

[Rickster]

She likes some guy who like her too. However funny thing is, she has already mentioned to a friend of mine how she wants to change him already. They arent even going out and she wants him to stop smoking. Plus this is the 2nd crush she now has had since the breakup. 1st one was a jerk and tried to use her.

 

Funny how some people dont realize what they had. I guess if I had done NC then it might be different now. But the thing I realized today is that my ex is completely different than what she used to be. She seems to act like a 16 year old now.

 

 

Sometimes I think to myself that I didn't try my hardest. But at that time I thought I was doing my best. It's funny that we all never realise what we had. And I do think my ex is probably having a hard time with this new guy. And that she can never get another guy like me, like what I gave her.

[Nicesmile]

Hi. Am amazed that there is a site where people can talk about their exes, and not sound pathetic. My story is he dumped me after four years. Its been really hard. I have gotten advice from a whole lot of people some telling me to MOVE on, others saying to keep hope alive, that we have know each other for too long. I have stopped crying but I feel that I would want him back if he came back. He has not been in touch and as tempted as I have been to call him, email or text him, I have managed not to. Am I stupid to still have hope though he has made everything so clear. We we were really close and good friends and I miss that friendship. Alot has been happening to me which he only can relate to and I get so tempted to tell him... But I have been strong because just as I text I always remember that he dumped me....

 

We live pretty close to each other but thank God mostly keep different hours so I haven't seen him in a week or so.

 

Anyway just wanted to say am glad I found this site.

[OCD]

This site has done wonders for me, I'm not sure what I'd do without it. Every time I have a weak moment of just need a release I just let it out here and the good folks that visit this site give great advice, encouragement, and just make me feel better. I know first hand how tough a breakup can be, it'll be 3 months for me tomorrow. I shouldn't be counting the days, but I'm starting to move on a little more each day.

[AC874]

Well,

 

So today is officially 1 month since the break-up. I just found out that she took me off her MSN list.

 

So I guess.. out of sight, out of mind eh?

 

Thank god I busted my *CENSORED**CENSORED**CENSORED* for this girl for 4 yrs #-o

[coooolsome]

AC874, its ok, let her go. She needs time to heal just like you do and it will be better for the both of you. Accept it and grieve. Its hard but you must do it. I am at the point where I am trying to accept that she is never coming back and once I do, I will be better off.

[AC874]

Heal from what?

 

She is apparently over me.....

[coooolsome]

Hahahaha, that is what you think. No one unless they have no heart gets over a relationship that quickly. She may be very very very good at hiding it or even bottling it up but guess what, you cannot keep it locked up for long. Even if she has someone else, it doesnt mean she is completely over you.

 

That doesnt mean that she will come back. I replied to someone else about how everyone sees the good side of people when they are out but deep inside, no one knows whats going on. If someone looked at me, they would think i was the happiest person alive. But deep down I am still grieving.

[Hawk]

I have people telling me how great I am looking because I have lost so much weight!! Does this tell me that I musn't really have been enjoying the relationship much because I looked like c..p before?

[Rickster]

its good to hear everyones coming out of depression. im too. just remember your ex doesnt love your depressed personality, but your real happy self. i never noticed this, until recently after my NC when i had time to myself and i thought about things from the ex's perspective. i feel this stretch of NC has given me time to think more about stuff. my first stretch of NC made me think about things and get me in the right direction, but this NC has really made me think deeper. coolsome, thank you for telling me to wait for 2 weeks. i guess i never noticed that i needed one. and this NC has gave me topics and stuff to talk to her about (weird situation, long story). and she'll probably be thinking why we never contacted each other. keeps her in a mystery... ive kept things aloof.

[AC874]

Rickster,

 

Do you think its a healthy situation, to be in love with your ex, while she's with someone else?

 

That would set back my healing substantially, to the point where I may never heal.

[coooolsome]

Here is the thing, it is never wrong to love someone. If you didnt love your ex then you really wouldnt be here. What is unhealthy is pining over them and basically waiting around for them. You will always love your ex but if that keeps you from moving on then yes thats unhealthy.

[Rickster]

If you can bare the pain, I don't see why not. Im not sure how Im moving on. I have suddenly lost the feeling of moving on. At the moment I don't have any goals. So I don't know where I should be moving to.

[coooolsome]

Here is a goal to shoot for. Lets say in 6 months you will see your ex. How do you want her to see you? Its a start. I decided that Im going to work out, buy new clothes(since I lost weight), be happy. When and if we see each other again, I will be a better person. The thing though, is that you cannot think about your ex while you are trying to attain these goals. Your ex should just be the motivator and hopefully you will think about them less and less.

 

Ive gotten to the point where after I work out, I feel great and I dont think about my ex after that. I still think about her a lot, but its getting easier to get her off my mind when Im busy.

[OCD]

I hear ya coooolsome...I've been working out like crazy since this whole thing started and like you lost some weight, 208 to 185 and lean...I do have more energy and my ex leaving is what got me going. I did see her the other day and can't stop thinking about it...sucks, but I do feel better about myself and I hope that glow showed when she saw me. She pretty much looked the same and when we talked she even said that she might have lost a couple of pounds and that I probably look better than her. Of course I said no, you always looked great! So it's been 3 months and I want to keep some sort of contact with her, but I can't call her,,right? It was sooo hard not to pick up the phone last night, argh!!!

You know, since seeing her brought up a lot of thoughts...one being our last conversation. I'm wondering if I screwed up, but I was just being honest with her. After she kept asking me numerous questions on just about everything and me not telling her too much, I asked "why do you want to know these things". She even said just curious and because "you're not telling me". I then said "well that's how it is now since we're not together, I can't open up like I used to, I'm afraid of getting hurt again". I then said that I won't be that interested in being "good friends because it doesn't amount to the feelings we had...it just doesnt' compare, but I'll always be there for you" Now did I come off too strong with these words? I know I might be overanalyzing, but I'm just curious...I basically said that I couldn't have a "good friendship" because that would allow her to talk about who she's dating and who I'm dating and might turn into a mess for me. That's they way I felt, but I keep thinking that I may have pushed her away with those words. Did I? Thanks guys!

[coooolsome]

OCD

 

So about your question. No one has the answers. If you love her and want her, why not give her a call. I remember some people saying that relationships/friendships are a two way street. Why not ask her out to lunch or something. Go do something fun with her. Show her the new improved you.

 

This is a decision you will have to make b/c I know there will be people that say, stay NC. However you cannot expect anything to happen from 1 date. Go in to have fun, with no expectations. What is more confident than someone asking you out. Think about it and you cannot go wrong with following your heart now.

 

My update:

Im down to 175 from 196. I lost 5 lbs in the first week from not eating but it shrank my stomach so I dont eat as much as I used to. Plus I have been working out and staying active. When I weighed myself yesterday, I felt great. I felt like my old self again.

 

I have decided that I am going to go NC for 1 month. Its been 2.5 months since the breakup and I am doing pretty well. She has not initiated contact for a while and I need to do the month to make sure I can handle what I am planning on doing after. Plus it might make her miss me a little. Then I am going to ask her out to lunch when she gets home from school. If lunch goes well I am going to ask her to go ice skating. We always wanted to go, but never did and I figure I might as well before I lose the chance to ever go with her.

 

I know she likes another guy and Im hoping they dont start dating for a while so that I can do this. If they do then lunch is ok, no ice skating. I have the expectation that they will get married so I want this last "date" with her. Once she starts dating someone else, I will fully let go and respect their relationship.

[ONE SXXY LADY]

Coolsome....

 

I know my ex is seeing someone else (so he told me). I am just curious

why you're planning to do this , knowing she has interest in someone else? Are you hoping to change her mind?

[Bounder]

Hi everyone,

 

I too am struggling with the I have gotten over her but still love her phase. I have had a good couple of months since I decided to NC, she broke it a few times, and we had good talks, but I stayed strong my end, never initiating contact. About a month ago a met a new girl and we started dating. Things were great at first but i am starting to feel a bit like I am repeating an old habit of picking up wounded ducks - I am becoming more her therapist than her boyfriend. Then, the other day, just when I am writing down my thoughts about this new girl and feeling kinda doubtful about it, the ex calls and we have a super long conversation (see my cat came back post). She said she missed talking to me, wanted to see me maybe just to see how she would react, whether or not she had put my on a pedestal in her mind since our break up. I told her that that couldnt happen with just one meeting, that I have changed a fair bit, and maybe she wouldnt really know the man in front of her anyways. It was generally a very nice chat and reminded me of what I am missing in the new relationship.

 

I miss her, but i dont need her to be happy. She hurt me really bad during our break up, and I realize that seeing her may make me remember all that stuff instead of the progress that she and I have made. She is genuinely sorry for the way she treated me I think, but that doesnt guarantee she wont do it again. Am I an idiot for seriously thinking about hanging out with her sometime?

[ONE SXXY LADY]

No Bounder..you're not an idiot. Just be smart if you DO give her another chance. Be cautious. Keep her at arms length...because she might ONLY be motivated by the fact you are seeing someone else, and she can't stand the competition. I would continue dating the other girl too...and make sure yoUr ex knows it. Don't drop everything just because your ex called you...remember , she hurt you before...