Self-doubt

[GuiltyAsCharged]

I am a very insecure person. My self-image collapses daily. There need be only a small external stimuli, say a negative comment, and I will spend the rest of the week inside my head filled with shame/guilt. Or I would, but inside one day there are many shame triggers so my mind will stop obsessing about one failure only when a new humiliation appears. The pain and anxiety is effectively multiplied if a similar negative comment has been made in the past - anything can trigger my old hurts. I have started to seriously consider suicide as an option, because my daily life has become so unbearable. I go to counseling, but it's redeeming effects only last for a small time before a new incident throws me back to rolling on shame and self-doubt. To make matters worse I hate myself for being so insecure, which in turn doesn't do any good to my self-esteem.

 

Is there a way to stop self-doubt and build self-esteem in a way that lasts?

[Blackmsmithdave]

Im not that bad but i have suffered depression from time to time. Dont consider suicide death is rubish, they put you in a box cover it with dirt and dont even let you out of it for weekends, its really depressing, live for the moment death will find you in its own time.

 

Now then if your going to councilling then im a little bit out of my league but here goes.

 

Inside you there are two places, the high self and the low self. The high slef is the place that contains all the happy ideas and thoughts, laughter is high, about as high as you can get, everything that makes life worth living is in the high self.

 

The low self is the place in you which well sucks, you feel depressed onely and verydown. These include feelings of self doubt, fear, anger, helplessness, scarcity. Whe you are feeling these emotions recognise them for what they are. These are your lead weights. They are not chained to you they ae only notted to you and notts can be undone. So when you get into lower slef deal with each of these feeling one at a time and logicaly untie it, and let the wieght drop.

 

If you could give me and example to demonstrate that would help. What has got you down today?

[GuiltyAsCharged]

Examples of anxiety triggers for me: being called a name, being criticized about a habit, being stared at disrespectively, seeing a movie that stereotypes people that have some aspect of me, being belittled, being laughed at, getting blamed for stuff I didn't do and misunderstood. The list goes on, really small and silly things can make me feel like the lowest person on earth.

[Blackmsmithdave]

and its becaus you see them as small an little that you dont do anything about them and let them drag you down. But your right they are small and little, they mean nothing.

 

being called a name, who gives a s**t what people call you, only you, dont let it bother you, im mean calling someone a name its kiddy playground stuff. You are who you are and it doesn matter what people think. You are great as you are, Just tell yourself that when people call you names, just say it doesn matter because i know who i am.

 

being stared at, well stare back, or better still stick your toung out, or wink and pout your lips, or do anything wave, ask if they are ok coz they are drooling. I stick my tongue out all the time, its great fun.

 

As to movies, you know what they say any similarties are unintentional. Those charectors are not you, you are vibrant and colourfull and you are not them you can change they are the same. They are just someone idea of what is. Not what you are.

 

Being laughed at, now i know that stings, wait until you build up corage to deal with that, best way is to get your own back. Like a water bomb, or an egg, lol If someones laughing at you they are really insecure. Somone once told me i had no friends, and i broke down next morning i was surrounded by people saying i was their friends, and the guy that said it he was all by himself. People draw on their own insecurities for insults. I a guy call somone four eyes, then they are terrified of having to where glass themsleves. which is stupid.

 

If you didnt do it, then its not your problem you know that you didnt do it and when the truth is decovered then insist that the person who blammed you stands up and apologises. Dont take any stick, forsome that you didnt do.

 

Hope i have help a bit, if your not alseep allready.

[darkblue]

Are you diagnosed as depressed?

 

If so; do you take medication?

[anonymous_presence]

Are these things that you have been feeling for a long time? Since when did you start feeling so insecure? Was there a certain event that triggered them?

 

Have you tried occupying yourself when your feeling self deprecating? You should try to take your mind off of whatever thing you're obsessing over by doing a hobby, working or engaging in some productive activity. Distract yourself so that you don't have the time to dwell on whatever happened and feel worse about yourself. When you're going to do this, take a few deep inhales and just say, "Stop," and move on from the moment to think about something else. Don't allow yourself to indulge in these thoughts.

 

One of the best ways to handle shame and guilt is to think about the situation and whether or not you are justifiably at fault. More often that not, you aren't. It's good to accept responsibility for some things, but to harass yourself is counterproductive and unnecessary. It shows that you have a conscience, but you need to realize when enough is enough.

 

For example, watching a movie and relating to a character that is depicted in a bad way shouldn't be taken as a personal offense. Everyone can relate to one of those, and everyone has to deal with flaws that we wish we could change. But that's the reality of life: we are imperfect. Everyone deals with this, and some people a little too well and make it look easy for the rest of us, putting us in silent shame. But there are people who beat themselves up about it too, and I hope you realize that you aren't alone in this, and there is no shame in being insecure; there is nothing wrong with it, and there is nothing wrong with you.

 

Another thing you have to realize is that you can't be held accountible for other people's cruelty. Some people are mean and vicious, and they make jokes and insult people with no regard for the feelings of the people they are offending. And they do it with little consideration for the actual person - they have nothing against the person being bullied: they just seize the opportunity to appear superior. So it's not a personal attack when someone laughs at you, though it's still a rotten thing to do. Few people master the act of laughing it off and walking away proudly; I suggest you just forget about, and occupy your mind with other things.

 

When you're feeling suicidal, think of all the happy moments that you've had. Think of all the future ones that are waiting to happen. It's hard to imagine when you're feeling awful, but it'll help with the impulsivity that drives these suicidal thoughts. Suicide is not a way to take control - finding help in your times of need and getting better is how.

 

Maybe if your current counsellor is getting you no where, you should switch to someone else who'll give you the tools to ward off the shame and guilt in the long run.

[Miss M]

Guilty, if you weren't already in counseling, I'd recommend that. I have the same problem as you and I know what a serious torture it can be. I know it's not something you can just think your way out of. Something that helps me a lot is listening to audio books. Somehow that interferes in the most helpful way with my compulsive inner ruminations. Audio books (CD and tape) are available at most large libraries so you could try it without cost to you to see if it helps you. Choose an uplifting subject, something of interest to you, non-fiction or fiction, whichever you prefer. Listening to those for hours stops the downward spiral long enough so I can get some peace, and a much needed break from the barrage of negative thoughts. Hope this helps. Good luck.