Trying to move on

[cari44]

So... my exboyfriend broke up with me more than 5 months ago now.

 

If you want, you can refer to the post a made about a month or two after we broke up: link removed

 

So much stuff has happened since then. I saw him in the begginning of July for some reason or another. It was over something that was upsetting to both of us. So while sitting in his car, he kissed my cheek a a few times and rested his head on my shoulder. He also held me to comfort me. I was stiff and I knew nothing would come of it since we also caught up with eachother a bit and he told me how he liked this girl from his summer camp and so on.

 

Anyway, I didn't see him again and about midway through July I decided I absolutely needed to have no contact because it was really starting to get to me all over again. I was very confused because I felt I still needed him in my life but at the same time, I wasn't going to get what I wanted because he didn't want me. So I just stopped talking to him completely. It was really tough but at the same time, I was extremely determined.

 

So I started hanging out with a friend of mine from high school and eventually I started hanging out with her and her group of friends more and more and more. I met this new guy and we flirted with eachother. He had this problem that he was kind of waiting for this girl to come back from Isreal so that they could date... but we both really liked eachother.

 

Our group of friends ended up going on a camping trip one weekend in which we got a lot a closer and finally we all went on a roadtrip and sparks flew. The day after we got back, we decided to start dating.

 

By that time I hadn't spoken to my ex in almost a month and I was going strong. I had good days and bad days.

 

I dated the new guy and he is absolutely wonderful. He treats me so well. I can't even begin to describe what a change it was to have someone be so incredibly nice to me and treat me like a princess compared to my ex who didn't even really care if he saw me.

 

I didn't talk to my ex until school school which ended up being over a month. Our mutual friends are his friends now and I just have my own new friends. We don't hang in the same place we used to but I run into a few friends of his I liked a bit and we catch up when we can which isn't much.

 

I finally talked to him and he talked back to me. Basically, he didn't want to be friends, but he just wanted to be able to say hi. I contacted him because I wanted to know how he would feel if we bumped into eachother at school.

 

Well.. I've seen him a few times here and there. I am so confused... for a long time I just wanted him back so badly, even while dating the new guy. But then I started having dreams that he wanted me back and I couldnt' decide between the two of them.

 

I guess mostly it's because I know my ex is a very big mean person and horrible and everything, but I "love" him... It's like that song: "I hate everything about you, why do I love you?" I thought by now it would go away or be less. But it still really bugs me. And the new guy is awesome and great and I do love him... just not like I did my ex.

 

And then I think even if I love two guys, I shouldn't break up with the new guy because I do love him and I have to move on and it won' change anything if I break up with him or not except be more depressed.

 

I thought after 5 months I'd be able to move on and be okay... but I'm not. I still wish my ex would just love me and want me, but he doesn't and won't. I don't know why I can't just let go of him.

 

I remember things we used to do and how much I loved doing things with him... and then I get sad because we won't ever do it again.

 

And then I also think about why life is so cruel to us... when people you cared about so much and love so much and they love you back just as much, can just turn around, not love you and not even care if they see you ever again. It doesn't make sense in my head that this is how humans live and just keep doing it over and over and over again. It seems lonely and awful.

 

With my new boyfriend, I keep myself from thinking about that because I know I am happy now and I can't really hide from the future... it just seems so depressing.

 

I really want to let go fo my ex and not care about him anymore and not want him at all.

 

This morning I saw him at the subway stop and we talked a bit. I got sad because he was telling me about playing his favorite game which we used ot play together but I stopped because I couldn't handle it anymore. And the way he looks and everything just makes me want to melt in his arms. It's terrible. But at the same time I was also a bit disgusted with him. It's so hard to explain.

 

I just want to stop thinking about him and just be happy with the new guy who I love and he cares and respects me.

 

Woosh! Sorry for making it so long, I just had to get it out because it's driving me crazy!

[NottageHill]

I think I know how you feel.

 

But you have to remember that you are the one who wants to be freed from your previous relationship. It wil be hard, but I believe in the NC method. If you see him, turn the other way. Dont get yourself in a routine that will give you the chance to see him. Do things differently. Go out more with your friends.

 

Your ex will always be in your heart. But realize that it wont be the same feeling. We wil always love them, but we are not in love with them anymore. Give your feelings, emotions to someone who you think deserves it more. Also remember that, they are an ex because of a reason. I hope you heal and move on with your life to do things you would enjoy doing more.