Please help me

[Jodie23]

This is going to be long, im so sorry.

 

Me and my ex had been together for 6 years, we lived together for 5 of them years. Anyway we broken up a few times but always got back together. We broke up in April of this year but we always saw each other so we were not really broken up. He moved back to his parents but always stayed at mine............

 

He always wanted to see me in the week but when it came to the weekend I never used to hear a word from him as he always went out with his friends, this did start to annoy me but I I love him so much that I let him get on with it. I did try and move on but he would not let me, he said that any man I went near he would beat them up (childish I know), he said that I was his world and that he wanted us to get back together......I was not too sure as I cant keep going through break ups with him.......two weeks ago we went out and I said to him that I did want us to get back together and I assumed he was cool with that. I saw him for the week then it came to the weekend and not a peek out of him, so I said to him that I cant not handle feeling used and that maybe we should stop seeing each other (of course I didnt mean it). I hope this is making sense

 

Anyway last night I got told that he was seeing someone else (Im crying now) and I know her, we do not get on which makes it worse. I asked him this morning if it was true and he said yes. I just got a text from him saying he is sorry and that I will find someone else that will make me happy as im a great girl.....

 

So now he is with this girl who has just had a baby so he has his little new family. I am so gutted, he means the absolute world to me and I really do not know how I am going to get through this........I just want him so much, I would honestly beg him but it would do no good. I can not believe he has hurt me like this, im all alone while he is experiencing a new life, please please please I really dont know what to do.....Its killing me

 

I hope you understand this xx

[darkblue]

Be grateful that it did end, when it did.

I did try and move on but he would not let me, he said that any man I went near he would beat them up (childish I know),

That's not healthy.

 

No Contact. At all.

Let him move on and you do the same.

It's tough, but this wasn't going to work out anyway.

[Jodie23]

I know its not healthy, im just so gutted....he is my world and now I have nothing, expect the sheer pain I am suffering at the moment

[TiredMan]

Oh that pain, I know all about it. I feel it every day. I was with mine for 8 years.

 

He doesn't seem very healthy for you, or you for him. Obviously you saying you will leave and not meaning it, will always hurt everything. I know because I did the same thing and I am paying for it now.

 

But if he wants someone else, there really is nothing you can do about it. I'm sure you know this. I'm not sure how your friend situation is (mine is horrid now) so reading this site might help, crying does too. I've been feeling like that for labout 4 months straight now. If you need additional help, just PM me.

[Jodie23]

Well I can not really be friends with him, he probably wont talk to me anyway.....he will be busy with his new life. I just cant stop crying, I feel like banging my head against a wall. I just can not believe that he has thrown me to one side, I envy the girl, I wish it was me he was with......................

 

I really really dont know what to do, I want him here with me, I feel so sick just thinking about him.......I dont think I could handle this for another day let alone 4 months

[J a m e s]

hi jodie23

 

i can really relate to how you are feeling, as im as good as the same boat.

 

No contact will be the way forward, for sure. im doing this and i will admitt it is killing me, but this is the only way for me to move on with my life.

 

Also if he can hurt you like that, is he really worth bothering with? it seems he has no respect for you.

 

keep your head afloat and pamper yourself, you will get through this.

[darkblue]

No you can't be friends with him.

It will prolong your suffering.

 

Time is a healer.

[Jodie23]

He promised me he would never hurt me, he didnt stick to that very well. I cant get my head round how easily he has lost all his feelings for me and gone with someone else.......................I could not do that.

 

I love him soooooo much I know I keep telling you this but I need him, and I dont think I will ever be able to get over him

 

How can he be so happy while I am so sad ???

[darkblue]

He doesn't care enough.

 

Get over him and stop torturing yourself.

[Jodie23]

I cant help torturing myself, its the only thing that I can think of, Im scared to go to sleep coz I know when I wake up its the first thing im going to be thinking off, its sh*t and I hate my life at the minute

[cinderelly]

i agree with darkblue get over him, he has a new life now. the things he promised you are just words with no actions. he was stringing you along, telling you what you want to hear.

[darkblue]

At the minute yes.

 

Put this in perspective - He is one man!

One man that it didn't work out with.

There will be men out there that it will work out with.

 

Get yourself together.

[cinderelly]

sit down and write on a piece a paper all the bad things he has done to you. everytime you think about him read it. so you can start to realize he no good for you. i know your hurting but you have to see it for what it really is.

[darkblue]

sit down and write on a piece a paper all the bad things he has done to you. everytime you think about him read it. so you can start to realize he no good for you. i know your hurting but you have to see it for what it really is.

 

Good idea.

You could do it in a diary.

 

Another good tip:

Everytime he enters your mind; tell yourself (out loud if it helps) "STOP!", and think of something else.

[Jodie23]

Thank you, maybe I will try that.....nothing seems to make me hate him at the moment

[darkblue]

How about the fact that you're miserable because of him..?

[babycristy456]

I suggest you do not try to contact him at all. Don't pity yourself or miss him (although I know its inevitable) Think of all that he has put you through and get back at him....But not in a hateful way...

 

Get yourself beautiful, go out, go to the gym, (but everything with moderation and with a healthy perspective please).Oh yea, and go out with friends, if you don't have any, then make some new friends and go out clubbing, meet new people etc...Don't just sit home and cry your life away.

 

Honestly, crying is a part of healing but you will never heal if you don't get up, face the facts, and face the day with a hope for better things to come your way. Maybe you should look into yoga, its good excercise and disciplines you.

 

One thing I learned from my break with my ex is that I am such a better person now in my current relationship. I even learned that if I can overcome that hard time in my life, I can ovecome anything, and I have. I cried manyyy times, but in return, I thank him because In return my self-esteem slowly re-assembled and I became more confident with the person I really am, I made new friends, and I concentrated on things that really mattered such as school and family.

 

I hope the best for you, and remember that a guy who leaves you like that is not worth it. Keep telling yourself that bc he might even be back to hurt you again. But by that time you will be strong to send him back where he belongs!...!

[Jodie23]

True.......................

 

I just cant wait to have no feelings for him coz I feel so awful

[darkblue]

Thn help yourself.

Get that diary going.

You can even do it on this board as some members have in the past.

 

Take care, and stay strong.

[Jodie23]

Oh thank you Baby for your kind words. I get a lot of male attention (please im not being big headed) but I just am not interested. Even his friends ask me out ......I do have a lot of friends but I just feel so unmotivated at the moment.........I know he has not right to make me feel this way but honestly if he rang me and asked for me back I would say yes.....FFS why would I let myself be treated this way. Its a joke it really is xx

[Jodie23]

I will keep a diary, then hopefully I will look back at it and think, silly cow

[TiredMan]

He promised me he would never hurt me, he didnt stick to that very well. I cant get my head round how easily he has lost all his feelings for me and gone with someone else.......................I could not do that.

 

I love him soooooo much I know I keep telling you this but I need him, and I dont think I will ever be able to get over him

 

How can he be so happy while I am so sad ???

 

OK but don't you think it hurt him too when you said you wanted out but didn't really mean it? Trust me, I did this myself and I'm hurting severely because of it.

 

Do you have close friends you can lean on during this time? I really don't (except for one but only on the phone as she is in a committed rel. and lives kinda far). Reading this site might help as well.

 

Again, if he chose to be with someone else, then think of it this way. The only silver lining I can see is that at least he isn't stringing you along now. If you feel like crying, just cry. This is what I do. I don't know how it will end up but at least you aren't holding it in.

 

I personally don't agree with whoever said if you don't have any friends, go make some, and go out. That's not practical. If you don't have any good friends, then you just can't go out and make them that easily. It's like trying to fit in with a new clique all of a sudden. It's weird for a while.

 

I agree with writing down your thoughts. But if people wrote down everything that anyone did to them that was negative, no one would want to know anyone else.

[arwen]

Hey jodie,

 

I am sorry for your situation. Breakups are even more painful when a third person is involved. In your head, try to separate these things-- the history of him and you and the current story of him and her. Your only worry lies in the past, which means you should cut the ties. All ties. I have found that cleaning up my things really helps. I had one terrible break up of a long term relationship about 2.5 years ago, and I just put everything that reminded me of him in one box. I burned one of this pictures when I was mad at him, and it somehow helped. I put new posters on my walls, I started sporting and meeting new people after a while.

 

You say that 'he was everything you had'. In fact, nothing is further from the truth. You have yourself, and you can make something out of yourself. It can be really healthy to just be single for a while (considering that you are not interested in dating right now). So in the past, he was your life. Now it's time to be your own life. Do things that YOU like, and really go for it.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.

[Jodie23]

Thank you for all your replies. I feel even worse today and I just dont know what to do. I am trying to snap out of it but I just can not stop crying. I nearly text him this morning but I stopped myself at the last minute. After 6 years together, does he really hate me that much???