Is there anyway I can find out if she likes me?

[yo]

Hello everyone,

 

I'll keep this one as short as possible...coz I know how we all hate reading really long posts..

 

My Ex g/f of 4.5 yrs left me for me friend 3 months back. I've moved on considerably after that and am doing NC for the past one month now.

 

Okie, here's this gal I met online. We started chatting for a few days on IM. Then later I started mailing her, almost everyday and she would promptly reply back. Nothing lovey doovey but just friendly sort of mails. I keep mailing her everyday and she just replies back and I mail back again. This's been going on for a week. Last week I asked her for her phone number and she gave it. I called her up yesterday and spoke to her for like 45 mins. It was soooo good. I just loved her voice and just couldn't hang up.

 

I haven't seen this gal, I've just seen her pic online, but my friends who have seen her tell me she's really cute. I've been really obsessing about her day and night. I keep dreaming abt her everyday. I really need to find out if she's feeling something for me or if she just thinks abt me as just a friend. Is there anyway I can do that?

 

Also, how often can I mail her or call her. I've just called her once. But, she's not called me yet. I don't want to look needy and desperate in front of her. I definitely don't want her avoiding me I want to ask her out but I'm not sure if she's ready yet. First I want to start talking to her on a regular basis and maybe later I'll ask her out.

 

Can u guys pls help me out. I need to find out if she's interested in me or not. What if she sees me as just a friend? I'm losing sleep over her. Pls help me.

[dreamy333]

why dont you ask her!! just tell her this is weird ho wwe get along or do you think its just me

[yo]

Hey dreamy,

 

I'm scared abt making a move right now. What if she's not interested?We've barely met, I want to give her some more time. I want to know how often to contact her via mail or phone and really want to know if she feels something too.

[Bobby101]

Yo, hope your good my man !

 

Yeah its great you've got that buzz again finding someone new !

 

I know how you feel, i'm in a similar situ. I don't want to seem needy either. I thereforeeee think you should just continue as it is for a little while yet. Continue to have conversations on the phone and then you can kinda drop hints and she how she reacts. You will get far more from a telephone conversation than email.

 

If this progresses then perhaps you could offer to meet up in person.

 

Just a little patience friend.

[yo]

Hey doug,

 

Nice to know that someone's in the same situation as I am. Yes, I'm planning to take things very very slowly. But, how often do i call up? Also, I don't want to be the one calling her up again and again. I really start looking needy n desperate! Till now she's not called up herself. What if she never calls up??

[Amano Ginji]

from wat experience i have....a girl wuld usually call..text message..mail or talk to u first..even though u dont do ne of these...only if she likes u..or lets just say, is a bit intrested in u...

when ur chatting with her...and u stop typing for some time..she asks u wats wrong or maybe starts a new topic...i find this a really good way to no if she is intrested...cuz if she wasnt..she wuldnt care to start a new topic rite..

about telling her..i think u should just talk to her more...get to no more about her...drop hints...talk to her in a real sweet way...

try cutting contact for a day or something..c how she reacts after that!..

hope this helps..not much of a suggestion!

[yo]

Hi Amano,

 

from wat experience i have....a girl wuld usually call..text message..mail or talk to u first..even though u dont do ne of these...only if she likes u..or lets just say, is a bit intrested in u...

 

This is exactly what happened with my Ex! She was crazy abt me! She did all the things u've mentioned above.

 

But, past is past. This new gal, I'm after, is not a least bit interested.. atleast not right now. So, far it's been me who's been constantly mailing her everyday. But, she replies back promptly.. which is not an indicator that she's interested in me. I've called her up once.. 2 days back.. after that nothing. I'll stop mailing her for a few days and maybe call her up after a week. And I'll hope like crazy that she atleast mails me... coz if she doesn't, then I'll be sure that she's got no interest me at all.

 

What do u think abt it?

[beanpaper]

You should meet each other in person before declaring you like each other that way.

[Amano Ginji]

If she doesnt mail without u mailing her...there r 2 reasons..

1.she is shy or doesnt no wat to talk about

2.she is not intrested(i guess there is a high probability of this statement)

 

I think u should cut contact for 3-4 days..or a week..thats upto u..straight away..if she dsnt care to stay in touch...dont worry..call her after a week...thats the least u can do..

wat i really feel is..u guys should meet more..cuz dude..there can be other reasons for not mailing or calling...

call her..ask her out..meet her..and observe how she reacts with everything u do..look for hints...

some of them are(i found these on these forums its self)

1.she will play with her hair when she talks to u.

2.she ill try to initate conversations.

3.She will touch u not accidently..and not move back when she does touch u.

4.She will be staring at u..when u look at her...she ill stop staring.

Hope the suggestions are to the point..

Let me no if there is any thing else..

Good luck..Have Fun

[Dating Coach]

Whoa, settle down tiger. Don't you think you are falling for someone a little bit fast? Sheesh! You haven't even met her!

 

Okay, so far... she has given you no signs that she is interested in you because everything she has done, was simply polite. Plus, girls like admirers, it's flattering. Hell, I am a guy and I like admirers too. It's an ego boost.

The question is, what are you? You as of right now, are an admirer. To find out if you are more is very simple, but time is slipping away. You said you met her online but I don't think you said where. Was it an online dating thing? If so, then why not set up a date now? You've already chatted more than enough to get a feel for each other, so go find out where you stand.

 

What you should not do is sit there and chat on the phone with her like you are one of her girlfriends. Look man, you are interested in DATING her, so get to the point already. Tell her that you want to take her to some place, and have a specific place AND TIME in mind. If she accepts, then that is a very strong sign. If she makes up an excuse or says no, then she isn't interested. If she says no, but counter offers you a specific date and time then that's a good sign. If she counters by saying, hey, maybe some other time... and doesn't follow up, then you ask when. If she can't answer, then she is not interested.

 

If a girl is insterested in a guy, she will find time. It's that simple. If she is having excuses or whatnot, then she is rejecting you. It's that simple.

 

Get on the ball bud, get something done. Don't chat with her 45 minutes before mustering the nerve to ask her out, just do it. Don't sound hesistant either, because it really isn't that big of a deal. If you make it a big deal (and you are) then you will only make things worse for you.

[DreamLilies]

I agree with Diggity on this one.

 

I am single again and trying the online thing. After two or three emails back and forth, I expect to meet up to see if we actually have any chemistry. I'm pretty bold, so if he hasn't offered to meet up, I'll suggest a date over a cup of something.

 

Maybe she's shy. Maybe she has read "The Rules." In either one of these cases, I think that you should ask her out to do something low-key and friend-ish. Only then will you know if there might be an interest in something more.

 

Just don't come right out and ask her point-blank if she's interested. That almost never works and just puts a person on the spot. And it might make you come off looking a bit needy.

[yo]

Hey all!

 

Just when I thougth I had it, I lost it all I asked her out on the phone, she said yes. BUT just after I hung up the phone, her online status had changed to 'committed' (her status was single, before I called her up). I really don't know what to make of all this! She just got a new b/f in half an hour??? I'm really feeling sick abt this What do I do now? I just can't get her outta my head!!

[Dating Coach]

Hey all!

 

Just when I thougth I had it, I lost it all I asked her out on the phone, she said yes. BUT just after I hung up the phone, her online status had changed to 'committed' (her status was single, before I called her up). I really don't know what to make of all this! She just got a new b/f in half an hour??? I'm really feeling sick abt this What do I do now? I just can't get her outta my head!!

 

Am I missing something here? You asked her out on the phone and she said yes... I got that part... but then what? Didn't you set up a date? Is there a time you guys are supposed to meet? Man, if you ask a girl out then set up the darn date. I don't see what they point is if you are not doing this.

 

Him: "Hey, I like you? Wanna go out?"

 

Her: "Um... okay."

 

Him: 'Heck yes!" *click!*

 

If it went down differently please correct me but it looks like that's pretty much how it went down.

 

I think we told you before that you are acting like a little kid who got his first pet. Settle down. You don't even know this person well and you are acting like it is the love of your life! Being naive like this is only going to set yourself up for disaster!

For one, that is a lot of pressure to be putting on a girl whom you just met. When she sees how giddy and crazy you are about her, you are going to be leagues ahead of her as far as feelings go, and that is only going to work against you.

Two, it also makes you look desperate and needy.

 

You're out of control. Settle down and take it slow. Remain cool and collected, think with a clear head, and don't put so much energy into someone that you don't know. At least allow yourself to actually be exclusive before going overboard.

[yo]

Hey Diggity,

 

You got it all right man!!! that's exactly how it went! I asked her out, didn't fix up any place or time and she just said she'll let me know she's free I think I messed it up there, coz I know she's never ever gonna call me up herself!

 

Ok. So, I dcided to take things slow here. So, I waited for another 2 days and yesterday, send her an e-card, just saying hi, how're u! But, have not got any reply yet.. Am I acting too needy and desperate?

 

What do I do Diggity?? How do I take it from here? Is there anyway, I can ask her out again? Ok, better question.. will she ever talk to me again? or does she think I'm, one of those desperate, needy, clingy guys?

 

Pls help!

[beanpaper]

Yikes, the ecard was sort of bad. It's sweet but.... it's a little soon for all that.. Since she didn't reply to it, I think you should call everything off. UNLESS she tries to get in touch with you again in some way.

 

 

 

ps. Diggity, this gives me the giggles:

Him: 'Heck yes!" *click!*

[yo]

Hi all,

 

It feels really bad when you do NICE things (though the other person may not perceive it as nice) and u don't get back the expected results!

 

I thought the ecard was diff thing... i thougth it'll be much better than just mailing, but it all got backfired here!

 

Yes, I agree with beanpaper, i'm calling everthing off... I've invested tooo much of time and energy into it and its not going anywhere!

 

Right now I should be with ppl who try to get me get over my breakup by giving me confidence NOT ppl who squash the lat bit of self-respect and dignity I have. It's all my fault really.. I'm giving her the power to make me feel like crap!!!

[Dating Coach]

Ok. So, I dcided to take things slow here. So, I waited for another 2 days and yesterday, send her an e-card, just saying hi, how're u! But, have not got any reply yet.. Am I acting too needy and desperate?

 

She's not interested. Between putting "commited" up online and not returning your ecard, that should tell you everything. Sorry bro.

 

Next time, don't chat 45 minutes with a girl on the phone when you want to date her. Keep the long conversations for in person, and the phone specifically for setting up dates. There should be a 5 minute conversation limit for the phone. Also, the same goes for emails and IM's. If you really want to chat it up with someone, don't use those as your crutch. It's nice for a small conversation here or there, but you need to get to the point soon before these programs turn into your crutch. All lenghty conversations should be in person.

 

BTW, this is exactly what I was talking about with the "buying a girl a rose" thing on another thread. Just because you are nice doesn't mean this girl owes you anything. The way you said your last post shows that you were using niceness to get the results you want. Niceness isn't a tool, you are either a good guy, or you are not. You don't need to buy presents or send ecards to prove you are nice, nor to make her think you are nice. If you are, just by being courteous and by being yourself the girl will know. And if you are nice, she doesn't owe you for being yourself either.

[yo]

Hey Diggity,

 

BTW, this is exactly what I was talking about with the "buying a girl a rose" thing on another thread. Just because you are nice doesn't mean this girl owes you anything.

 

Yes, I read that thread where u told the guy not to buy her roses on their first date. Hey man, I really understand what u're aiming at here. We do all these NICE things expecting these women to respond in someway. We know they'll respond coz our ex g/f's used to respond back. But, what we fail to see is, this new woman is not our ex and she may not even consider these gestures as sweet or nice and we end up looking like ur typical 'Mr.Nice guys'..

 

I felt soooo bad when she didn't even reply back to the ecard I sent! I thought it was a sweet thing.. but hey, I'm sure she would've seen it as something needy or desperate!!!

 

This brings to my question. Diggity, then how do u show the woman whom u've just met, how sweet and romantic u are? without sending her ecards or buying or roses etc???

[Dating Coach]

This brings to my question. Diggity, then how do u show the woman whom u've just met, how sweet and romantic u are? without sending her ecards or buying or roses etc???

 

You don't need to show her all of these things when you just met her. It looks like you are trying to prove something to her. Just be yourself. If you are a romantic type of guy, she will find this out on her own over time.

 

With my current girlfriend I didn't make an extra effort to do all of those things when I met her. I let the moments take care of themselves. I didn't buy her flowers for the first 3-4 months that we were together, then one day, I got off work early and I showed up at her work with a bundle of flowers and lunch. Needless to say, she was very pleasantly surprised. It means more when these things are done sporatically rather than all of the time.

 

Having been there before and having spoken with many guys before about this situation of buying gifts early on, I know why most guys do it, whether they admit it or not. They are trying to show the girl that they are a good guy instead of just being yourself and letting the moments come. It comes accross as fake IMO because you aren't doing this for the girl but more for yourself. You want a positive reaction from her so whe will think nicely of you. You don't need that, because if you are a good guy then she will know this. Buy her gifts for the right reasons.

 

Women aren't stupid. You don't need to show them anything. They know.